Wiseman - Jay Wisemans Erotic Bondage Handbook

JAY WISEMANS
EROTIC BONDAGE HANDBOOK

BY JAY WISEMAN

greenery press

2000 by Jay Wiseman

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording or by information storage or retrieval system, without permission in writing from the Publisher.

Cover photograph by Todd Friedman Photography, www.TFPhoto.com.

Illustrations by Jack Cleveland.

Published in the United States by Greenery Press. Distributed by SCB Distributors, Gardena, CA.

Readers should be aware that bondage is an activity which carries an inherent risk of injury or even death. While we believe that following the guidelines set forth in this book will minimize that potential, the writer and publisher encourage you to be aware that you are taking some risk when you decide to engage in bondage, and to accept personal responsibility for that risk. The writer and publisher have endeavored to present the most comprehensive and up-to-date information available, including having the book reviewed by a selection of experts; however, in spite of our best efforts, the book may still contain errors and/or omissions. Neither the author, the publisher, nor anyone else associated with the creation or sale of this book is responsible for any damages sustained by readers or their partners through attempting to follow the practices described herein.

Acknowledgments

This book is dedicated to one of my oldest and dearest friends, and a first-rate SM educator in her own right, Karen Mendelsohn of QSM in San Francisco. Thank you very much, Karen, for your years of friendship, for our many hours of wonderful conversation, and for suggesting that I write this book.

Many, many people helped me, in one way or another, to create this book, and expressing the proper degree of thanks is always somewhat tricky. Undoubtedly, some people are going to (correctly) perceive that they are not being shown proper gratitude here, or were even forgotten entirely. Allow me to apologize for that right now. Please contact me and Ill fix that shortcoming in future printings.

While an author ultimately works alone, they rarely work in complete isolation. The following people, listed alphabetically, served as advisors, consultants, crash test dummies (technique testers), baby sitters (monitoring me to make sure that I was working on the book while at the computer instead of spending time on the Internet or playing a computer game), and sources of inspiration. Some served in more than one capacity. While I take responsibility for any mistakes, flaws, and shortcomings in this book, these people share any praise.

First of all, my loving thanks to Lynn, who has given me so much, in so many ways. You have been such a joy and a comfort to me.

Next, my loving thanks to Baraka, who has also given me so much, in so many ways. You have been wonderful as a baby sitter, a crash test dummy, a confidante, a sounding board, and a general co-conspirator.

The following people, listed alphabetically, have also provided wonderful assistance in terms of baby sitting, crash testing, and so forth: KJ, Katy B., Lane, Linda K., Lori A., Pat.

The following people, also listed alphabetically, provided excellent assistance in terms of manuscript reading, idea polishing, reality checking, and helping me think my way through the trickier parts of this book: Beth, Dr. Charles Moser, Eddie T., John Warren, Joseph Bean, Lolita Wolf, Mark B., Rachel S., Tom Burns, and Vicki.

The writings, demonstrations, and other teachings of the following people contributed to my own development as a bondage practitioner: David El, Lana White, Loreli, Lou Duff, Molly Devon, Race Bannon, Robin Roberts, Tammad, Takeshi Nagaike, Wolf G.

Finally, of course, my deepest and most loving thanks to Janet. This book owes its existence to her love, patience, and unflagging support. Thank you so much. I love you.

A NOTE TO MY READER

Hello there, Dear Reader. How are you? Fine, I hope. Hey, before we go any further, lets you and I have a little chat. There are some fairly important matters regarding this topic that I want to make sure you understand.

First of all, while I forget who originally said it, there is a saying that goes something like Those who do not hear the music think that those who dance are insane. This saying is very relevant to bondage (and other aspects of sadomasochism).

The appeal of erotic bondage is very personal, and can arise from a very deep place. While it can be appealing in an intellectual sense, the real sense of attraction is usually much more visceral, more primordial. The urge to tie someone up during sex, or to be tied up during sex, comes from a deep place, perhaps a subrational place, within the mind. Thus, trying to understand the desire in rational terms can be very difficult.

At one end of the spectrum are people who find such urges deeply attractive and wish to explore them. At the other end of the spectrum are people who find such urges deeply repellent and want nothing whatsoever to do with them. There are, of course, a large number of people who are somewhere in the middle.

I am, of course, one of those people who hear this particular type of music and thus find the idea of engaging in the dance of erotic bondage highly attractive. However, let me make it clear that I certainly dont feel that this activity is for everybody (actually, I dont think its for most people, as I will explain later). Furthermore, if the idea of engaging in erotic bondage deeply repels you, I certainly have no problem with that and I am not inclined to spend a lot of time urging you to reconsider.

(The one exception I might make to that would be for you to make sure that you have a reasonable idea of what is actually involved regarding how most of us engage in erotic bondage. After all, before we can have reasonable debate or discussion about a particular topic, we must first make sure that we are in acceptably close agreement regarding our terms before we go too much further. Otherwise, were unlikely to communicate effectively.)

So, if youre fairly certain that you have a reasonable idea of whats involved in erotic bondage as Ive outlined it in this book, and you nonetheless find the idea of doing this in any way deeply repellent, then I urge you, in a genuinely friendly and cordial way, to seek your erotic satisfaction elsewhere. I certainly understand that not everybody is aroused by the same things and, in a way, Im actually glad that is the case. As the wise old grandpa once told his grandson, Tommy, if everybody in this world wanted the same thing, the whole world would be after your grandma.

On the other hand, if you feel drawn to explore the dance of erotic bondage, then I believe this book will be helpful to you.

WARNING AND DISCLAIMER

Whenever an imbalance of power exists, the potential for abuse also exists.

This imbalance of power can take many different forms: raw physical power, economic power, the power to persuade or emotionally manipulate, and so forth. Im sure you can think of other examples.

So whenever an imbalance of power exists, the potential for abuse necessarily and unavoidably also exists. Such abuse doesnt always actually occur, and in fact its my experience that in the huge majority of cases it doesnt occur, but it could. It most definitely could. Thats worth keeping in mind.

In what I will call BDSM (more commonly known, if not accurately understood, by the average citizen as sadomasochism), we intentionally, consensually create such an imbalance of power because we find it rewarding to explore the unique, intense energy that exists whenever such an imbalance of power exists. Most of the time such explorations go pretty well. In fact, at least within the BDSM community, reports of people abusing this imbalance are very rare. Not entirely nonexistent, you understand, but nonetheless still very rare.