Harris - 2012;2009;

BOY MEETS GIRL
published by Multnomah Books
2000, 2005 by Joshua Harris

Unless otherwise indicated, Scripture references are from:
The Holy Bible, New International Version 1973, 1984 by International Bible Society, used by permission of Zondervan Publishing House

Also quoted are:
Holy Bible, New Living Translation ( NLT ) 1996. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. The Message 1993 by Eugene H. Peterson
Multnomah and its mountain colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwisewithout prior written permission.

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MULTNOMAH BOOKS
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Harris, Joshua. Boy meets girl : say hello to courtship / by Joshua Harris.
p. cm. eISBN: 978-0-307-56868-7
1. Single peopleReligious life. 2. CourtshipReligious aspectsChristianity. 3. Courtship. 4. Dating (Social customs)Religious aspectsChristianity. I. Title.

BV4596.S5 H36 2000 241.6765dc21 00-011254

v3.1

To my bride, Shannon.
This book is the fruit of your
encouragement, humility, and sacrifice.
I love and cherish you.

Contents

For the Boy and Girl

AN INTRODUCTION

W hen I was single and twenty-one years old I wrote a book called I Kissed Dating Goodbye. It wasnt your typical book on relationships. It encouraged singles to be radically committed to honoring God in their relationshipseven if it meant dumping the dating game. It was my own story of learning to trust God and wait on romance till I was ready for commitment.

To my astonishment, God provided a publisher willing to print my oddly titled book. To everyones astonishment, the book actually sold. It turned out that many people besides me were rethinking romance. I have received thousands of e-mails, postcards, and letters from singles of all ages from all over the world who wanted to share their stories, ask questions, and get advice.

As the letters poured in, I realized that while God had graciously used my book to help some people, it had also raised a lot of questions. For example, if you dont date, how exactly do you end up married? One girl wrote: I want to avoid the pitfalls of our cultures approach to romance, but how do I get close enough to a guy to decide whether I want to marry him? What comes between friendship and marriage?

Boy Meets Girl is the answer to these questionsones I eventually had to wrestle with myself when I felt ready to pursue a girl with marriage in mind. Its a book about courtship, or what I like to call romance with purpose. It is filled with stories of ordinary people who are choosing to honor God in the real-life details of their love livesfrom the agonizing questions about the timing of a relationship, to challenges like communicating well and remaining sexually pure when youre deeply in love.

Heres what youll find in the books three sections.

defines the basic principles of courtship. Well see how when we allow wisdom to guide our intense romantic feelings, our relationships are blessed by patience, purpose, and a clear grasp of reality. One couples story will help us realize when were ready to start a relationship and with whom, and well see how God intends to use this process to make us more like Him.

jumps into the practical issues of what to do as the season of courtship unfolds. Well learn how to grow closer, but still guard our hearts in important areas like friendship, communication, fellowship, and romance. Well get specific about our roles as men and women. Well look at the importance of community during this time. Then well talk honestly about sexual purity and how we can prepare for a great sex life in marriage.

be reminded that Gods grace is our ultimate source of confidence for joining our hearts and lives in the vows of marriage.

As an added feature, youll find a section at the back of the book called Courtship Conversations: Eight Great Dates, developed with the help of my editors and friends, David and Heather Kopp. Our purpose has been to suggest activities and conversations that will help you get to know each other better, consider a possible future together, honor God in your relationship, and have plenty of fun.

Whether youre currently single, casually seeing someone, or in a serious relationship, I hope youll take the time to read and wrestle with the ideas in this book. Theres a good chance they will stretch your thinking and challenge your assumptions in healthy ways.

If you are in a relationship, I encourage you to read this book as a couple. Many have used this book to help understand how to grow their relationship and to set a clear course for deeper commitment.

As a single man, I wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye to challenge the worlds approach to romance. Today, as a married man, I write Boy Meets Girl to celebrate Gods way in romance. Ive seen just how good it is. And I want you to know that as you entrust your dreams of finding true love to His care, you will too.

part 1

RETHINKING ROMANCE

Chapter One

WHAT IVE LEARNED SINCE I KISSED DATING GOODBYE

From Waiting to KnowingA Personal Story

T he clock read 5:05 P.M . Shannons workday was over. She enjoyed her job at the church, but she was ready to go home and unwind.

She began her familiar end-of-the-day routine: tidied her desk, shut down her computer, straightened a picture on her bookshelf, got her coat from the closet, and said her goodbyes. Bye, Nicole, she said to the girl in the office beside her. See you tomorrow, Helen, she called to the receptionist.

She walked through the quiet lobby and pushed open one of the heavy glass doors. The winter wind tugged at her as she made her way across the nearly empty parking lot. She climbed into her worn, navy blue Honda Accord and shut out the cold.

She lifted her keys to the ignition, and then paused. There, alone in the silence, the emotions she had kept at bay during the day came rushing in. Tears welled up in her eyes. She leaned her forehead against the steering wheel and began to cry.

Why, Lord? she whispered. Why is this so hard? What am I supposed to do with these feelings? Take them away if theyre not from You.

I used to watch from my window as Shannon walked to her car at the end of each day. My office looked out over the parking lot. What is she thinking about? I wondered. I longed to know more about herto go beyond our polite conversations as casual friends and coworkers and really get to know her.