Liane Holliday Willey - Pretending to be Normal

Willeys classic Pretending to be Normal has been a most eloquent way to understand what it feels like to have Aspergers. As beautifully written as it is insightful, this expanded edition is even more powerful due to the addition of a multitude of helpful suggestions and resources.

Martin L. Kutscher, MD, author of Kids in the Syndrome Mix of ADHD, LD, Autism Spectrum, Tourettes, Anxiety, and More: The One Stop Guide for Parents, Teachers and Other Professionals and ADHD Living without Brakes

Some of the best insights that helped came from reading books written by people on the spectrum. Liane Holliday Willeys insights will be especially helpful for many women on the spectrum.

Temple Grandin, author of The Autistic Brain and Thinking in Pictures

Pretending to be Normal was one of the first books I read about women and Aspergers Syndrome. It was then and still is the book I always recommend to the female clients I see. Liane is a star her determination, strength and courage are a shining light within the AS community. This expanded edition is full of new insights and information. A must-read for anyone who wishes to understand more about the complex world of women and Aspergers Syndrome.

Maxine Aston, MSc, consultant, trainer and author of several books on Aspergers Syndrome and relationships

With Pretending to be Normal , a collective sigh of relief was heaved, a burden was lifted and laid down. The puzzle that had perplexed us was given a name, Aspergers , and women on the spectrum found their voice some of us for the first time.

Rudy Simone, author of Aspergirls , 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Aspergers Syndrome and 22 Things a Woman with Aspergers Syndrome Wants Her Partner to Know

Lianes original edition of Pretending to be Normal gave such important insights into how women with Aspergers Syndrome used coping strategies in an attempt to fit into the neurotypical world. This updated version not only gives further insights but more importantly rather than pretending to be normal Liane points out that it is better to recognize that having Aspergers Syndrome is acceptable and society should celebrate differentness. Finding the balance with appropriate support enables people with Aspergers Syndrome to function in both the Aspie and neurotypical worlds. The appendices are brilliant in that Liane gives practical tips in supporting and managing Aspergers Syndrome in all aspects of life. This book will be highly recommended by me to all those who have or do not have a diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome.

Dr Judith Gould, Consultant Clinical Psychologist and Director of the NAS Lorna Wing Centre for Autism

Pretending to be Normal

by the same author

Safety Skills for Asperger Women

How to Save a Perfectly Good Female Life

Liane Holliday Willey

Foreword by Tony Attwood

ISBN 978 1 84905 836 0

eISBN 978 0 85700 327 0

Asperger Syndrome in the Family

Redefining Normal

Liane Holliday Willey

Foreword by Pamela B. Tanguay

ISBN 978 1 85302 873 1

eISBN 978 1 84642 162 4

Asperger Syndrome in Adolescence

Living with the Ups, the Downs and Things in Between

Edited by Liane Holliday Willey

Foreword by Luke Jackson

ISBN 978 1 84310 742 2

eISBN 978 1 84642 392 5

of related interest

Aspergirls

Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome

Rudy Simone

Foreword by Liane Holliday Willey

ISBN 978 1 84905 826 1

eISBN 978 0 85700 289 1

Been There. Done That. Try This!

An Aspies Guide to Life on Earth

Edited by Tony Attwood, Craig R. Evans and Anita Lesko

ISBN 978 1 84905 964 0

eISBN 978 0 85700 871 8

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome

Tony Attwood

ISBN 978 1 84310 495 7 (hardback)

ISBN 978 1 84310 669 2 (paperback)

eISBN 978 1 84642 559 2

Pretending

TO BE

Normal

Living with Aspergers Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

EXPANDED EDITION

LIANE HOLLIDAY WILLEY

FOREWORD BY TONY ATTWOOD

Jessica Kingsley Publishers
London and Philadelphia

This edition first published in 2015

by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

73 Collier Street

London N1 9BE, UK

and

400 Market Street, Suite 400

Philadelphia, PA 19106, USA

www.jkp.com

First edition published in 1999 by Jessica Kingsley Publishers

Copyright Liane Holliday Willey 1999, 2015

Foreword copyright Tony Attwood 1999, 2015

Front cover image source: Emily Botsford

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form (including photocopying or storing it in any medium by electronic means and whether or not transiently or incidentally to some other use of this publication) without the written permission of the copyright owner except in accordance with the provisions of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 or under the terms of a licence issued by the Copyright Licensing Agency Ltd, Saffron House, 610 Kirby Street, London EC1N 8TS. Applications for the copyright owners written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to the publisher.

Warning: The doing of an unauthorised act in relation to a copyright work may result in both a civil claim for damages and criminal prosecution.

Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data

A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress

British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN 978 1 84905 755 4

eISBN 978 0 85700 987 6

To my kids, friends, family and four-legged furries, this book was made possible because of you. And to my best friend, thank you for teaching me it is good to be different.

CONTENTS

FOREWORD

Liane is an Aspie pathfinder, and over five decades she has been exploring the strange world of neurotypicals. In early childhood, she naturally became an avid observer of people and achieved assimilation by pretending to be normal. Her story became an inspiration for Aspies throughout the world and offered insight into the Aspie mind-set and experiences for family members, teachers and friends. The value of her original publication is legendary and if she was British, she would probably by now be Dame Liane Holliday Willey.

Those who have read her autobiography, originally published in 1999, will have read the last chapter and wondered what new discoveries she made and how her life evolved in the new millennium. This expanded edition is in effect part two of her autobiography, and, once again, her insights are perceptive and valuable, not only for those who have Aspergers Syndrome, but also for neurotypicals.

Over the last fifteen years, Liane has decided to pretend a little less and to embrace and enjoy her Aspie qualities a little more. She has developed a greater sense of self-acceptance and recognizes that Im usually happy when I am in Aspie land. People who have Aspergers Syndrome are a minority in a world of social zealots. My objective as a psychologist is to teach Aspies the cultural expectations of neurotypicals and how to act neurotypical, or, in other words, When in Rome, do as the Romans do. While this is an effective survival strategy, it is achieved at considerable personal cost in terms of the exhaustion experienced from trying to fake it til you make it, and the effort of having to wear a mask to hide the true self, which is perceived as defective and must be hidden. An alternative, and complementary strategy, as Liane suggests, is to encourage the person to enjoy the qualities that are associated with their Aspergers Syndrome.