Lundberg Gary B. - I dont have to make everything all better: six practical principles to empower others to solve their own problems while enriching your relationships

PENGUIN BOOKS

I DONT HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING ALL BETTER

Gary B. Lundberg is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice and is a clinical member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. Joy Saunders Lundberg is a writer, speaker, and award-winning lyricist. She writes scripts for the syndicated worldwide radio/TV program Music and the Spoken Word. Together, they present seminars, workshops, and keynote addresses throughout the country and cohost a weekly radio show on relationships, Morning Break with the Lundbergs. They are the parents of five children.

Foreword

At times I grow weary of hearing psychology spouted from some professionals who are themselves clearer examples of abnormal psychology, spinning psychological concoctions to social problems as an alchemist concocts gold from leadand with much the same results.

I Dont Have to Make Everything All Better is not that kind of a book. There is a pleasant absence of snake oil solutions to real problems. Rather, in the tradition of such classics as Dr. M. Scott Pecks The Road Less Traveled and Stephen R. Coveys Spiritual Roots of Human Relationships, the Lundbergs book gives a direct, functional approach to improving relationships and bringing greater joy into our homes and lives.

It is always refreshing to be surprised by the obvious, and, more importantly, it is empowering to know that we can improve our circumstances.

If relationships came with an owners manual, this is it.

Richard Paul Evans
New York Times best-selling author of The Christmas Box

Preface

For the past few years my wife, Joy, and I have been presenting seminars on the principles and concepts addressed in this book. Following these presentations many people have asked if we had a book with these ideas and have expressed disappointment when told that we did not. We have heard many say, Please write it. I know it will help me and my family. Others have said, I have a friend who desperately needs this. Please write the book. With that repeated encouragement and a desire to share what we have discovered, we wrote and self-published the first edition of this book.

Its popularity far exceeded our expectations. Thousands of readers have benefited from the principles, many responding by E-mail, letters, calls, and at our seminars to let us know of the relief and happiness the book has brought into their lives. Now, after five printings, Viking Penguin has purchased the publishing rights for this new edition. We are extremely pleased to be working with such a prominent, caring publishing house.

The basis for the concepts we cover in this book come from a variety of sources. Both of our families of origin have given us a slightly different perspective and belief in humankind. Joy grew up on a farm in the western United States with seven brothers and one sister and I grew up in a large eastern city with two brothers. While we both came from different and yet equally humble surroundings, we were taught to believe that most people are good and trustworthy. The wide variety of neighbors and business associates we have met have continued to confirm these beliefs and have helped us instill them in our children.

As I studied for my masters degree in marriage, family, and child therapy, the professors introduced additional concepts and ideas. I found myself testing parts of the many different psychological theories to find those that fit my personality. I extended these ideas through study and application in my marriage and family therapy practice and developed the six principles outlined in this book. Joy has tried and proved them as well and has become as much an advocate of them as I am. Applying these concepts has helped us as we have struggled with problems much like any other married couple.

We believe in the concepts presented in our book because of the positive changes they have made in our own life and the lives of so many others. We believe that they will also bring about significant improvements in the relationships you have with your own family and associates.

For ease in reading, the book was written as though I were the only writer; however, the writing has been jointly shared by my wife, Joy, and me. The experiences presented are a combination of ours and the collected experiences that others have shared with us along the way. We have incorporated them into the writing to assist in showing actual cases where these principles have been effectively used.

Acknowledgments

I must acknowledge the continued belief and encouragement of my best friend, companion, and wife. Joy has always been there with me in whatever and wherever life has taken us. She has shared her compassion as well as her talents as a professional writer, poet, and lyricist. Without her gentle pushing during the writing process, this book would have stayed inside of me.

I pay tribute to our parents, Lynne and Elese Lundberg and Clarence and Opal Saunders, who taught and loved without interfering. I also acknowledge and appreciate the way our five children, Michael, Lynda, Carol, John, and Paul, and their spouses, have shared many of their experiences with us.

My first therapist mentor was and is my eldest brother, Dr. Lynne Jay Lundberg. He has helped me by sharing his knowledge and love. His wife, Elaine, my brother Don and his wife, Jonia, have always been supportive of both Joy and me as we have written and performed.

Howard Allan Christy, editor of the first edition of this book, has been extremely valuable, helpful, and encouraging. We cannot thank him enough for his expertise and insights. As we wrote the original manuscript, there was a group of family, friends, and associates who read it and gave valuable critiques and suggestions: Janice Kapp Perry, Don and Jonia Lundberg, Lee Saunders, Lynne Christy, Mike and Gail Kraus, Dr. Tom and Marilou Meyers, Fern Cox, Ann Wakefield, Jan Godfrey, Joan Rollins, and Shawna Powelson. One other person I must acknowledge is Leo Weidner. We have shared ideas and insights from each of our fields of endeavor. His critique of our manuscript has been very valuable.