Meyer - The approval fix: how to break free from people pleasing

H ow many times have you heard or felt Youre approved!? You may have heard it when applying for a job or trying to buy a home, or felt it when agreeing to marry the love of your life.

Often, we dont feel or hear that we are approved enough to cause us to believe it. Because we have not learned to rest in the fact that God approves of us all the time, many of us go through life feeling wrong, insecure, or rejected somehow. We dont always love ourselves or feel that others really love, accept, or approve of us. The way we think about ourselves and the ways other people treat us cause us to lose our self-confidence and develop low self-esteem. This leaves us feeling empty and hungry inside, and we seek to satisfy ourselves by doing things we think will cause others to like us, affirm us, and approve of us. We end up with what I call approval addiction.

I believe approval addiction is rampant in our society today. It is not limited to any certain age group, gender, or socioeconomic sphere. It can happen to anyone! When it does, people may feel insecure or rejected, and they may lose their unique, God-given sense of identity because they forsake their true personalities or dont develop their gifts in an effort to do and be what they believe others want them to do and be.

I know firsthand how negatively the desire for approval can affect peoples lives, because I experienced it. Anyone who has been hurt badly through abuse or severe rejection, as I have, often seeks the approval of others to try to overcome feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. They suffer from those feelings and use their addiction to approval to try to relieve their pain. They are miserable if anyone seems not to approve of them in any way or for any reason, and they remain anxious about that disapproval until they feel accepted once again. They may do almost anything to gain the approval they feel they have losteven things their consciences tell them are wrong. For example, if a person does not feel approved of when she declines an invitation, she might change her plans and accept the invitation simply to gain approval. She compromises herself for the sake of feeling approved. Unfortunately, people do things like this often; its the only way they know how to feed their need for approval and to avoid feeling rejected.

The good news is that no one has to continue to try to find worth, validation, or value in other peoples approval. No one needs to suffer any longer with insecurity or rejection. Nobody has to strive to please others while being miserable doing so. There is a cure for the approval addiction! The Word of God says we can be secure through Jesus Christ (see Ephesians 3:17). That means we are free to be ourselves and to become all we can be in Him.

If you have found yourself addicted to approval, spending too much time and energy trying to get people to accept you, I believe this book can change your life in the most positive ways. The major change may not happen immediately, but the following pages include many proven principles that have helped thousands of people, including myself, break free from approval addiction. They also include a number of stories I believe you will identify with and from which you can learn valuable lessons for your life. I am living proof that a life filled with insecurity, rejection, fear, and pain can be transformed into a life of confidence, acceptance, love, peace, joy, and strength. Does that sound good to you? Then lets get started!