Meyer - Approval Addiction: Overcoming Your Need to Please Everyone

Copyright 2005 by Joyce Meyer

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review.

Unless otherwise indicated, Scriptures are taken from the Amplified Bible. Copyright 1954, 1962, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked KJV are taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture quotations marked MESSAGE are taken from The Message: The Bible in Contemporary Language [MESSAGE] by Eugene H. Peterson. Copyright 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson. NavPress, P.O. Box 35001, Colorado Springs, CO 80935. Used by permission.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by the International Bible Society. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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First eBook Edition: April 2005

ISBN: 978-0-7595-1368-6

Understanding Approval Addiction

T here is an epidemic of insecurity in our society today. Many people are insecure and feel bad about themselves, which steals their joy and causes major problems in all their relationships.

I know the effect insecurity can have on lives because I experienced it myself. I know what it does to a person. Those who have been hurt badly through abuse or severe rejection, as I have, often seek the approval of others to try to overcome their feelings of rejection and low self-esteem. They suffer from those feelings and use the addiction of approval to try to remove the pain. They are miserable if anyone seems to not approve of them in any way or for any reason and they are anxious about the disapproval until they feel they are once again accepted. They may do almost anything to gain the approval they feel they have losteven things their conscience tells them are wrong. For example, if a person is met with disapproval when she declines an invitation, she might change her plans and accept the invitation just to gain approval. She compromises herself for the sake of feeling approved.

An addiction is something that controls peoplesomething they feel they cannot do without or something they do to alleviate pain or pressure. It is what people run to when they are hurting or feel lonely. It comes in many varieties, such as drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, shopping, eating, workand yes, even approval. Like any addict, insecure people look for a fix when they get shaky. They need someone to reaffirm them and assure them everything is all right and they are acceptable. When a person has an addiction the things they are addicted to are on their mind most of the time. Therefore, if a person is an approval addict, he or she will have an abnormal concern and an abundance of thoughts about what people think of them.

The good news is that none of us has to suffer with insecurity; there is a cure for the approval addiction. The Word of God says we can be secure through Jesus Christ (See Ephesians 3:17). That means we are free to be ourselves and become all we can be in Him.

A sense of security is something everyone needs and desires. Security enables us to enjoy healthy thinking and living. It means we feel safe, accepted, and approved of. When we are secure we approve of ourselves, we have confidence, we accept and love ourselves in a balanced way. We dont necessarily need approval from others to feel confident. Security enables us to reach our potential and fulfill our God-given destiny.

I believe it is Gods will for each one of us to be secure, because lack of self-confidence torments us and keeps us from the blessings He intends for us to enjoy. Over the years I have learned that the foundation for security is knowing who we are in Christ, accepting Gods unconditional love, and accepting ourselves even though we realize we have weaknesses and are not perfect.

I come from an abusive background that left me suffering from insecurities even after I became a Christian because I wasnt seeing myself through the eyes of Scripture. I rejected myself, and I didnt like myself because I didnt see myself as God saw me. I didnt know who I was in Christ (See 2 Corinthians 5:21); I wasnt rooted and grounded in His love and I didnt know I could find my approval in Him. Even though according to Scripture I had been recreated in Christ (See Ephesians 2:10) and had been made a new creature and given a fresh start and a great future, I still saw myself as a failure and someone unlovable and unacceptable.

My life was very hard during that time. I was continually frustrated and had no real peace or joy because I had a poor self-image and felt nobody liked me. Those feelings caused me to act as though I didnt need anyoneas if I didnt care how they felt about me. Yet down deep inside, I really did care and tried very hard to be what I thought others expected of me.

But as I studied the Word of God, I learned I was valuable in who I am in Christ, not in what I do or in other peoples opinions of me. I realized I didnt have to stay insecure because when God looked at me, He saw the righteousness of His Son Jesus (See 2 Corinthians 5:21), not everything that was wrong with me or that I had done wrong. And the truth set me free. For the first time in my life I felt secure.

Part of our inheritance as believers is to be secure (See Isaiah 54:17)to know who we are in Christ, to have a feeling of righteousness or rightness with God. God declares we have worth and value by the fact that He sent His Son Jesus to die for us. We are not supposed to go around all the time feeling wrong about ourselves, as so many people do. Usually people who feel that way think, Theres something wrong with me. Im not what I need to be. Im not where I need to be. I dont look the way I should look. Im not talented. I dont this. I dont that. I dont something else.

The devil likes to remind us of what we are not, but God delights in affirming us and reminding us of who we are and what we can do through Jesus. Philippians 3:3 tells us to put no confidence or dependence [on what we are] in the flesh and on... external appearances, but to glory and pride ourselves in Jesus Christ. We are to look at Jesus, not ourselves.

Insecurity stems from looking at our weaknesses, our flaws, and inabilities. Freedom from insecurity comes when we do what Hebrews 12:2 instructs us do to: look away from all that distracts us to Jesus, Who is the Author and Finisher of our faith. Our flaws will certainly distract us if we pay too much attention to them. We should confess our faults to God and trust Him to change us in His own way and timing.

Do you live under a burden of guilt and condemnation, feeling unrighteous, unworthy, and insecure? Are you a people-pleaser, always looking for the approval of others?

If the answer is yes, then I hope by the grace and the mercy of God to help you get over those feelings because they affect not only your personal relationships, but also your prayer life and your ability to be promoted in life. They certainly steal your joy and your peaceand that is not Gods will for you or anyone else.