Table of Contents
To the hijas and mijas of Circle de Luz,
because your beauty inspires and your brilliance illuminates.
Introduction
At eight years old, my best friend, Jenny, and I conspired to get rid of our fat. It was 1981. We were entering the second grade. We barely watched television, so we had no real idea of media-generated ideals. And yet, we thought we were fat. Years later I would see pictures of us, as if for the first time, and realize that we were actually lean and willowy.
At eighteen, I arrived at college to find that I looked like no one else. My self-consciousness was amplified when a friend suggested that I try highlights on my black curls. In that moment, I internalized the idea that my hair wasnt right, that I wasnt right.
At twenty-four, I was a high school teacher, telling my students they were brilliant and smart and could do anything. Some days, despite my earnest efforts, I couldnt make them buy the truth I was selling. I packed healthy lunches every day for one of my soccer players who wouldnt feed herself. When another one of my athletes regularly broke into so much anger that no one could escape her derision, not even herself, I would sweep her into my arms and hold her, trying to calm her into believing in her own worth. When one of my mentees in a summer program said her boyfriend wanted sex, I reminded her that what she wanted was just as important. When the last day of school came, I called my students, one by one, to the front of the classroom while I played a song that reminded me of him or herCloser to Fine by the Indigo Girls, Pride by U2, Everything Is Everything by Lauryn Hill, or A Wink and a Smile by Harry Connick Jr.and a reverent silence fell over that space, my students basking in being acknowledged. Each would sit on a stool in the front of the room while I celebrated a trait I appreciated most about him or herinquisitiveness, compassion, passion, wisdom, patienceand my students relished the fact that their brilliance was being recognized.
At thirty-four, I was having lunch with nine seventh-grade girls at a local middle school when one of the guidance counselors, a woman in her late fifties whom I knew and admired, walked in to say hello. It was school picture day, and each girl had taken great care to get ready that morning.
Are you getting your picture taken? one girl asked the counselor.
I hate having my picture taken, she answered. When I was in fourth grade, I was the tallest kid in school. When I went to pose for my school picture, the photographer, who was a man, screamed, We have a big one here! Ive hated being photographed ever since.
Do you like your height now? I asked.
For a moment she looked confused.
I love my height, she said. And I shouldnt mind having my picture taken anymore. I have given that man so much power over my life, and hes probably not even alive anymore.
I know what it is like to want to believe in yourself wholeheartedly only to have episodes in your life lead you to question your own beauty and radiance. I know what it is like to try to help someone galvanize her own power, realize her own brilliance. It is, what I most wish to offerwhether I am spending time with a little girl in my life, a dear friend, an acquaintance, or one of my students. And it is what is offered here, in Beautiful You: A Daily Guide to Radical Self-Acceptance.
In this book, you will find down-to-earth advice on how you can realize your own brilliance every day. But the true value of the book does not come from whats written on its pages. It comes from doing the work, from journeying toward insight and action through the exercises and reflections. It is a tool kit for self-awareness, positive self-esteem, and a healthy body image. The magic of this book begins with your intentionyour desire to tackle what is limiting you, and your decision to love yourself, be happy, and feel satisfied with your body.
A poor body image isnt usually at the root of a womans negative feelings about herself. A poor self-concept and lack of confidence are often at the core of a negative body image. Having a negative self-image or a negative body image is like always having a gate-crashing critic watching the events of your life as they unfold. What I have found over time is that self-acceptance is what most dynamically changes our negative self-concept and body image. And you can only find self-acceptance through the hard but meaningful work of assessing where you are, seeing where you have been, and planning where you are goingwhile enhancing your life along the way.
This book will take you on a journey that encourages you to develop a clearer sense of yourself. Over time, once you have a clearer sense of self, self-confidence will become a habit. Confidence is born from proof, and proof of your worth comes when you have cultivated and embraced your whole self. A positive self-esteem comes with knowing your truth, your reality, and arriving at a self-mastery that allows for resilience, pro-activity, and brilliance. And while this books journey might begin by taking you more deeply inward, in the end it will help you move beyond yourself and into the world, where acting on what you have to offer does so much more good than worrying about what you look like.
The secret to success with Beautiful You is completing its guided daily practices. Daily practices yield new patterns of thinking, and those patterns ultimately yield new habits that will renew your sense of self in a positive, dynamic, healthy way. This book quiets you and moves you to find clarity; it encourages you to develop your own insights through compassionate observation and careful execution. This is a book that will leave you unsettled at times, so that you can eventually become more settled in life; a book that challenges you at times, so that you can develop a fresh outlook. By giving you the opportunity to consider, observe, do, and be, this book will help you recognize what is really beautifulyou, as you are. You are being invited to begin a process that will yield self-knowledge and deliver self-mastery.
We can all grow, no matter our history. We can all recognize our brilliance. Recognizing beauty, as it turns out, is a choice. You can see it the way the world hands it to you, or you can see it the way you want to see it.
How to Use This Book
For some of you, this will be a first attempt at trying to understand and positively influence your self-concept. What Beautiful You offers to every reader are the tools to understand and overcome any dissatisfaction you might have with yourself, and to magnify what makes you brilliant. This book offers you the resources youll need to form a better vision of yourself, a process for following through, and company for the journey. The supplies you will need for the journey are easy to acquire: A favorite pen and a personal journal, referred throughout the book as your Beautiful You journal, are essential.
There are a number of ways to use this book. I encourage you to use it in the way that makes the most sense for you. Some of you will begin on Day 1 and read the chapters in order, to Day 365. Others may check the Table of Contents and start by reading about specific topics that speak to them. You can work through the book alone or in a group. No matter how you enter it, the journey will be rich, and it will lead you to find something very important: yourself.
