Kate Harding - Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere
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- Book:Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere
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From the leading bloggers in the fat-acceptance movement comes an empowering guide to body image- no matter what the scales say.
When it comes to body image, women can be their own worst enemies, aided and abetted by society and the media. But Harding and Kirby, the leading bloggers in the fatosphere, the online community of the fat acceptance movement, have written a book to help readers achieve admiration for-or at least a truce with-their bodies. The authors believe in health at every size-the idea that weight does not necessarily determine well-being and that exercise and eating healthfully are beneficial, regardless of whether they cause weight loss. They point to errors in the media, misunderstood and ignored research, as well as stories from real women around the world to underscore their message. In the up-front and honest style that has become the trademark of their blogs, they share with readers twenty-seven ways to reframe notions of dieting and weight, including: accepting that diets dont work, practicing intuitive eating, finding body-positive doctors, not judging other women, and finding a hobby that has nothing to do with ones weight.
When it comes to body image, women can be their own worst enemies, aided and abetted by society and the media. But Harding and Kirby, the leading bloggers in the fatosphere, the online community of the fat acceptance movement, have written a book to help readers achieve admiration for-or at least a truce with-their bodies. The authors believe in health at every size-the idea that weight does not necessarily determine well-being and that exercise and eating healthfully are beneficial, regardless of whether they cause weight loss. They point to errors in the media, misunderstood and ignored research, as well as stories from real women around the world to underscore their message. In the up-front and honest style that has become the trademark of their blogs, they share with readers twenty-seven ways to reframe notions of dieting and weight, including: accepting that diets dont work, practicing intuitive eating, finding body-positive doctors, not judging other women, and finding a hobby that has nothing to do with ones weight.
Kate Harding: author's other books
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Kate Harding
Shari Lieberman
Alli Spotts-De Lazzer
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Table of Contents
INTRODUCTION
Did you ever notice that the very same magazines that tell you each and every month how to lose weight, burn more calories, fight the flab!not to mention how to do your own smoky eye makeup, fix your hair like a celebrity, and engage in complicated pubic hair topiarywill turn right around and tell you to love your body? And then, adding insult to injury, tell you that confidence is the sexiest thing in the world?
And did you ever just want to light every one of those magazines on fire?
Were right there with you.
How on earth are you supposed to love your body when youre constantly told its too fat, too hairy, too wrinkly, too zitty, too musky, too short, too tall, too boyish, too curvy, too sweaty, too unhealthy, too mortal, too human?
Oh, sure, there are people who claim theyll show you how. You are a goddess, theyll tell you. Light some candles and take a bubble bath and meditate on your inner womanly light. Which is just swell, if phrases like inner womanly light dont make you dry heave; not so for us.
Even better are the Daily Affirmation folks: Look in the mirror and say one nice thing about your body! Give yourself a hug! What the hell? Isnt the problem here that you dont like your body? Do you usually go around complimenting and hugging people you dont even like?
Learning to love your body is a long, slow processand we mean a long, slow process. You cant just call a truce with your body out of nowhere; you need to engage in some hard-core peace talks first. And theres gonna be resistance. Intellectually, you might realize that everything in this book makes a lot of sense, and you really should quit hating your body posthaste. But emotionally, youll still be so accustomed to those negative feelings about your appearance, youll have no idea how to let go of them right away. Believe us, we know how that feels. In Chapter 22, well talk about the books that made us realize it was possible to be fat, healthy, and happy simultaneously, and we fervently hope this book will do the same for you. But we both had long, slow journeys (did we mention the long and slow part?) between reading those books and truly coming to like our bodies the way they are.
Chances are, you and your body have been at odds for a long time. You dont just end a decades-long feud by saying, Well, that was silly. Lets drop it now! (Not even if it was silly, which hating your body really is.) When youre used to your body being The Enemythe stubborn foe that stands in the way of you being your best (that is, thin) selfits really hard to start thinking kindly about it. Really hard.
So, to be brutally honest, were not even going to try to tell you how to love your body. For now, were only going tell you how to achieve dtente with your body. Were just going to get you as far as a cease-fire. The good news is, in this culture, thats actually pretty freakin far.
YEAH, I CALLED YOU FAT
Both of your devoted authors here are fat. Yeah, we said it: FAT. We cant stand the word overweight, because of the implication that there is a single, objectively correct weight for every human body. There aint. The body mass index (BMI), the measure used to file people into categories of underweight, normal, overweight, and obese, is limited in its usefulness, to put it mildly. Based only on a ratio of height to weight, it doesnt take into account a host of other important factors, like age, gender, frame size, and muscle tone. And although we know some fine fatties who, because they just cant bring themselves to use the F word, would describe themselves as Big, Beautiful Women (BBWs) or people of size or indeed as overweight, we are not those fatties. We are fat, just as we are both fairly short, both have curly hair (Marianne much more than Kate), and both wear glasses some of the time. As far as were concerned, the word fat has no more moral value than those other descriptions; it just is what it is.
Of course, were well aware that in many peoples minds, fat not only means having an above-average amount of adipose tissue, but a whole ton of other things that actually have nothing to do with said tissue. Fat can stand in for any or all of the following adjectives: disgusting, lazy, ignorant, smelly, unattractive, unhealthy, undisciplined, gluttonous, rude, sedentary, stupid. Its no wonder so many fat people themselves avoid it, or that children are taught to believe calling someone fat is cruel; it is cruel, if you mean it as an insult loaded with all of those other connotations. But fortunately or unfortunately, fat is also the single most efficient description of bodies that arent, you know, thinand we are nothing if not word nerds. We prize simplicity and accuracy. We eschew ambiguous euphemisms. We will fucking cut anyone who calls us fluffy.
Kate, at 52 and about two hundred pounds, and wearing a size 16 or 18, is clinically obese, madly in love with Lane Bryants Right Fit jeans, and the founder of Kate Hardings Shapely Prose, one of the most popular fat acceptance blogs on the Internet (kateharding.net). And yet, she is frequently accused of not being fat enough to speak for fat people. Le sigh. Bringing the fatty-fat cred (and a whole lot more) then is Marianne, aka The Rotund (therotund.com), standing 54 on her tippy toes, weighing about 315 pounds, and rockin size 28 or 30. Kate grew up as the thinnest kid in a fat family; Marianne (an adoptee) as the fat kid in a thin family. Between them, they can barely count how many diets theyve been on, and theyve lost enough weight to make up a whole other person. A whole other fat person. But, like virtually everyone who undertakes a weight-loss program (and yes, that includes permanent lifestyle changeswell get to that later), they always gained it back.
Eventually, though, we both did something even less typical than losing lots of weight on a commercial diet program and keeping it off: We gave up dieting and learned to love our fat bodies. We learned to enjoy several different kinds of exercisewalking, yoga, swimming, belly dancing, waterobics, cyclingbecause they were fun and made us feel better mentally and physically, as opposed to serving as a painful, dreadful punishment for fatness along with a big scoop of self-loathing. We learned to eat intuitively, which well tell you lots more about in Chapter 4. We learned to stop seeing disgusting, lazy, ignorant, smelly, unattractive, unhealthy, undisciplined, gluttonous, rude, sedentary, stupid women every time we looked in the mirror, and instead to see ourselves as what we really were: fat.
Just fat. Not morally bankrupt. Not pathetic. Not unlovable. Just freakin fatand vertically challenged and curly-haired and intermittently bespectacled, and, if we do say so ourselves, pretty damn cute. Our bodies did not mean our deaths would be attended only by a dozen cats. Our bodies did not mean we didnt deserve top-notch, respectful health care. Our bodies did not mean we were incompetent employees. Our bodies did not mean anything. They just were.
Fatness absolutely does not need to stand in the way of us living our lives with joy, pride, brio, and plenty of healthy self-respect. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that often insists it must. As our friend Melissa McEwan of the blog Shakesville (shakesville.com) puts it:
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