Palmer - I dont belong to you: quiet the noise and find your voice

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O KAY, the most important thing youre going to find out about me as you read this book is that I am who I amand I own all of who I am (flaws included) completely!

Thats just always been my way, even while growing up as the boldest one in a family thats pretty damn bold already, believe me!

Ive always been the one ready, willing, and able to offer my opinions, thoughts, and emotions to anyone on any topic at any time! That aint changed a bit over the years!!

Seriously, I may be young but I have experienced a lot in my life and Ive played all types of roles both on- and offscreen. I moved from being the only black girl in my Catholic school classroom to being taught on the set of a feature film. Even now it feels as if Ive lived two or three lives all at once. That whirlwind of opportunity given to me as a child meant growing up a lot faster than the other kids my age, which was kinda weird.

I cant even begin to tell you how often my heart and head rebelled against moving at the same warp speed as the new and shiny world surrounding me. But that is just the surface part of my life and not really what this book is about. This book is about the similar experiences we all face as we expand and grow. My life as an actor is just a different backdrop to the same story line that runs through all our lives.

I Dont Belong to You comes from deep within. Its the result of many raw experiences in my life that pushed me completely out of my comfort zone and into the open. That rawness gave me the opportunity to define and redefine, shape and reshape myself time and time again.

It may sound exhausting (which it can be) but those incredible opportunities taught me that I could make regular tweaks and adjustments to who I am at the core without ever really losing myself. Time has taught me that I can continue to evolve as a person while also staying true to the foundation of who I am. What a relief it is to know that I can stay true to myselfbut I never have to be finished. I am a work in progress and thats all right with me.

When I was younger, I was always so afraid of change and of losing certain aspects of myself, as if even the smallest change would make ME less ME. For example, I was really worried that if and when I lost my virginity, I wouldnt be Keke the good girl anymore. Who would I be if I werent Keke the good girl or Keke the virgin? (Answer in my head: Keke the freeeeeak!! )

But for real though! Lets say Jennifer with the superlong blond hair goes and cuts her hair or dyes it blackdoes she stop being Jennifer? Does the star athlete who stops playing sports after college suddenly cease to exist? The answer is a big NO to both of those questions.

Im pretty sure you are dealing with your own set of unfairly placed labelsthe poor girl, the rich girl, the mixed kid, the jock, the trans kid, the only black kid, or any number of other simplistic titles that have nothing to do with whats really going on inside of you and also dont allow you to make room to be anything else!

Well, heres the gagwho we are and what we are belongs to us and us alone! What that means fr fr (fr = for real) is that we dont belong to other people and we dont belong to other peoples expectations of us. We also dont belong to our own old ideas of who we thought we should be or what we thought we should do. You feel me?? Its pretty cool knowing I dont HAVE to be attached to anything that weighs me down as I continue on this journey we call life.

Heres the other big thingyou dont either!

Were all made up of so many different moving parts on both the inside and the outsideand those parts will often vary from moment to moment and from day to day. The most fabulous thing about that for me is knowing that I have the freedom and the flexibility to find my OWN voice in my own way and on my own time. Its on me and up to me to decide which traits of mine make me feel good about being me and which ones I need to let go. No one else has a vote!

A lot of us create identities for ourselves that are based on the patterns of our parents, friends, or other people in our lives. Some of these patterns really dont work for us or stopped working for usyet we continue to force ourselves to fit inside them.

Ive learned that sometimes we have to kill (not literally ) our former selves before we can get to where we are meant to be. Sounds dramatic I know, but yall know Im extra. #LBVS (lbvs = laughing but very serious).

The outfit you choose may work for a night or for years to come, but the most important thing to remember is that we arent chained to anything but the limitations of our own mind.

Life transitions are never easy, but how you handle them is all a part of finding out exactly what youre made of.

Ive learned through many experiences that its best to follow my gut/instincts when its time to make decisions. So go ahead and alter anything about you or your life that you feel isnt workingor isnt working ANYMORE! Listen to your gut, then move onbut only when YOU feel the time is right.

Ive also come to understand that energy really cannot be destroyed, only shifted ( #POLARITY ).

So CHANGE your story if you want and when you want. Where are the rules that say who you were yesterday has to be who you are today? Where are the rules that say who you are today has to be who you are tomorrow? Those rules dont exist, but this one doesall of us must remain in a constant state of evolution IF our goal is to move on to the next chapter of our lives. You cannot stand still and grow, you just cant!