Sagun - Big gal yoga: poses and practices to celebrate your body and empower your life

I never set out to write a book, yet here I am! But I also never expected to be an Internet yogi with thousands of followers, or even that yoga would be a transformative part of my life. Going from being a college art student for ten years to being an Internet yogi is a drastic change of events in my life. It just goes to show that life is full of exciting and unexpected gifts we dont see coming around the corner.

So, you might be thinking, who is this big gal who does yoga? I am a big/curvy/fat woman of color, of mixed ethnicity (Asian, Pacific Islander, and Latina), who identifies with being an American, Northern Californian, middle-class, bisexual, agnostic, ambivert, and artist. My family is a mix of Filipino and Mexican, and in my hometown of San Josewhich has its own unique mix of all different ethnicities including Filipino, Mexican, Vietnamese, Indian, African American, CaucasianIve been exposed to lots of different cultures, which has helped me to see that there isnt only one right way to do things, or one right way to be.

And while I come from and have been exposed to all of these different cultures, I dont define myself by any of them. In fact, I dont fit into any one of these slots: Im just me. One of the reasons that yoga and its philosophy of life are appealing to me is because it fits and helps my life. My mind and body throughout my life have been open and ready for this type of practice. Yoga doesnt discriminate by attaching labels based on race, culture, sexuality, gender, or body size.

Ive always been active, and most of the time my size has never limited me from trying something new. I love to swim and dance and have been doing so all my life. The truth is, our big bodies can do so much that we dont give ourselves enough credit for how powerful they can be.

When I was first introduced to yoga in college it sounded fun, especially because Ive never been super-flexible. I was enrolled in the art program at San Jose State University, and at the same time I had been taking kinesiology classes, including aerobics, step, Latin dance, and swimming.

So in 2010, I took my first yoga class in college. It was a semester-long class that met twice a week for two-hour sessions. My instructor and yoga teacher was Lawrence Lars Caughlin. An older, slender man in his 60s, Lars was a true hippie, a nature lover, photographer, rock climber, eagle whisperer, and a dedicated yogi. When people enjoy the things they do, you can just see it in themthey kind of glowand Lars glowed! I could immediately sense the way the true bliss of yoga had changed his life. He was totally magnetic, warm, and charismatic. More importantly, Lars was encouraging, and even when I struggled into a Wheel or Shoulder Stand pose, he never judged me and definitely never said anything about my weight. He always reminded me of the journey, dedication, and time that yoga requires, and the benefits that made the efforts worthwhile.

At the beginning I was definitely conscious that I was one of the two bigger-bodied people in the class. Sometimes I would look over at others and compare myself to them. Still, Ill admit that when I first started taking classes, on some level, I wanted to prove to the others that I could do whatever they could. The competitive side in me coming out! Now, I go into classes focused on my own goals, and knowing Im content withand proud ofall that my body can do. But back in the day, in order to be less distracted, and more motivated to learn, I started sitting up front in the class closest to Lars. That helped keep my eyes from wandering, and I could focus on my personal practice.

Over the course of the semester, as I practiced more poses and learned more about the philosophies of yoga, my interest continued to grow and I became more engaged. I found myself looking forward to the next class, practicing at home, and talking about yoga with friends. Yoga was beginning to steal my attention! Something great was happening to me, and it had to do with yoga, but I didnt quite understand it yet.

Then, one day, everything really clicked. I had walked into class feeling a little crappy. I sometimes get anxious and frustrated when things in my life are going wrong, and that morning, things were definitely not going smoothly, and I was irritated. I started to go through the motions of the poses, but my heart wasnt in it. During Savasana, the final relaxation pose, I laid down on my mat, glad to be able to take a rest. As usual, I let my body sink into the floor, but this time, I somehow felt different. A giant weight of negative energy lifted from me. I could actually feel my stress and frustration ease off my body. I felt not just better, but good. Light. Happy. When I opened my eyes I was in a completely different mood than the one I brought to class. It felt as though my mind was soaked in a soothing, calming energy. The same frustrations of my morning were still there, sure, but now the solutions were clearer, and I felt more equipped to manage my problems. I spent the rest of the day feeling elated, a sort of high I had never quite felt before. Best of all, yoga definitely made me want to try more new things, and to look at life with a more adventurous spirit!

I also began to notice that my body was changing. When I first started practicing yoga I could feel my lack of flexibility, especially in my back. But with constant practice, I definitely felt my back open, and bending became much easier. If I was struggling with a pose for a while, I realized that, with dedicated practice, eventually I would become more flexible and comfortable in that position. In general, I felt more alive than ever before.