Naomi Alderman and Six to Start
ZOMBIES, RUN!
Keeping Fit and Living Well in the Current Zombie Emergency
PENGUIN LIFE
UK | USA | Canada | Ireland | Australia
India | New Zealand | South Africa
Penguin Life is part of the Penguin Random House group of companies whose addresses can be found at global.penguinrandomhouse.com.
First published 2016
Text copyright Naomi Alderman, 2016
Illustrations copyright Six to Start, 2016
Zombies, Run! is co-created by Six to Start and Naomi Alderman
The moral right of the author has been asserted
This publication contains the opinions and ideas of its authors. It is intended to provide helpful and informative material on the subjects addressed in the publication. It is sold with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering medical, health, or any other kind of personal services in the book. The reader should consult his or her medical, health or other competent professional before adopting any of the suggestions in the book or drawing inferences from it. The author and publisher specifically disclaim all responsibility for any liability, loss or risk, personal or otherwise, which is incurred as a consequence, directly or indirectly, of the use and application of any of the contents of this book.
The portrayals of characters from Zombies, Run! in this book are not canon.
There are no canon appearances for any of the characters.
Designed by Matt Carr
ISBN: 978-0-241-28148-2
INTRODUCTION
WHAT IS THIS BOOK FOR?
THESE DAYS ARE THE WORST ANY OF US HAVE EVER SEEN.
Our best estimate is that over 90 per cent of the population of the United Kingdom is dead or, worse, has joined the ranks of the living dead. None of us needs to be reminded of the horrors we have seen. All of us have at times thought that we were witnessing, as H. G. Wells put it, the rout of civilization the massacre of mankind. And yet, here we stand. If you are reading this book, you are one of the survivors. Humanity has not yet passed from the earth.
Why, in these terrible days, have we produced a guide to health, fitness and wellbeing? It is because we believe fundamentally that this is not the end. Whatever your situation today, however bad things are, we believe that measured, repeated and committed effort can improve things. You can work to make your life better.
And you are not alone. We have produced this guide, and we have delivered it by hand and via airdrop to every area of the country we can reach, because we want you to know that we are with you. This is a basic truth in the post-zombie world: whatever you do to improve your own health and wellbeing improves the lot of everyone. Whatever you do to help yourself, you help all of us.
We, the community of living humans who remain, cannot do without you. We want you to succeed in your endeavours, whether you are growing your own crops, improving your walking speed or constructing a zombie-proof chicken coop. Each of us is striving every day to build a new world from the ashes of the old.
WE WANT YOU WITH US.
WHAT IS THE MINISTRY OF RECOVERY?
Although the Ministry is operating as the only quasi-governmental force in the United Kingdom, it is important to make our position clear.
We are not the elected government of this country. Until there are elections, there is no democratically elected government of the United Kingdom. The throne of the United Kingdom is also currently empty, following the tragic events at Balmoral, although we are working to trace any distant relatives of the Royal Family who may remain alive. The Minister for Recovery, Sigrid Hakkinen, is the most senior civil servant who is known to have survived; we would be grateful to have knowledge of any other senior members of government who survived the massacre in the Downing Street bunker.
The Ministry of Recovery is mostly composed of people who worked in government and in government-funded organizations before the apocalypse. Some of us were civil servants; a number of us worked for the Ministry of Defence, which was able to save many of its people; some of us worked for the National Health Service, in local government or for the BBC. Some of us were in position throughout the first weeks of the apocalypse, securing some vital services such as water and communications, or ensuring the orderly shutdown of nuclear power stations and weapons.
Collectively, we had access to a great deal of knowledge about how the United Kingdom runs, we knew where various resources were held, and had, in some cases, access to classified information. We are doing our best to use our knowledge and skills for the good of the country in these unprecedented times. For most of us, no training or emergency procedure instructions that we have ever been given covers anything like this.
We know that what were doing is not enough. Nothing could ever be enough. But were trying to use what we have to help. This guide is for the living people who remain, and consists of the best knowledge and advice we have to give. Whatever resources you have available, there will be a way to use them to make your life a little better. That is our hope for you.
INTRODUCTORY REMARKS
Each of us has escaped from the zombies, not once but many times. If you are reading this book, you have probably seen someone you love turn grey. You have run from the shambling dead. If you are reading this book, you have witnessed the bite that festers, you have heard the cough that turns into a long moan, you have seen with your own eyes how they chase after us unceasingly, even when their limbs are ragged, their joints are ripped open, their feet are gone.
But you survived, as we all did. In all probability, you found somewhere to take shelter until the zombie horde lost interest in you and moved on.
This book is intended to help you from that moment on. This section, in particular, is aimed at you if you are currently experiencing a siege, or to help you learn what to do if you come under siege in future. As we all know too well now, even the safest of dwelling places can fall prey to attack by a horde. Perhaps you find yourself sheltering on the top floor of an abandoned hotel, the stairs chopped away with an axe, while the mouldering corpses of former guests mill about in the hospitality suite below you. Perhaps you are in your own home and have retrieved an air-dropped copy of this book from the roof of your garage while the moaning dead tried to pull you down to become one of them. Perhaps you thought you were safe trekking into the mountains to herd wild sheep, but have become trapped in an isolated cabin with little hope of seeing a living human face again.