Smith - The bravest you: five steps to fight your biggest fears, find your passion, and unlock your extraordinary life

F ear is bad and you should never fear. Thats the message I walked away with after hearing some guy in church talk about fear when I was ten years old. I can remember the faux-wood-paneled walls, my colorful sweater, and the mans maroon sport coat, but most of all I remember him trying to look like a hero as he condemned the whole congregation for the fear in our lives. As he rattled on about the evils of fear and how cowardly we were for letting ourselves feel it, I felt more defeated with every passing minute.

This was because, growing up, I was painfully shy, and my default reaction to everything in life was to be afraid of it. I couldnt figure out how some people seemed brave and others, like myself, couldnt seem to find courage, no matter how hard they tried. Sure, I despised that I had adopted fear as my identity, but how was it possible for someone as cautious and reserved as I was not to be timid, as the speaker insisted? Well, I did the only thing I knew I could dothe only way I thought I could be brave: I stayed silent. For most of my childhood and adolescence, I didnt utter a word to anyone about my fears and instead held them inside, trying to put up a courageous front to everyone around me.

Walking around afraid all the time, and too afraid to say anything about it, left me paralyzed. I never talked about it with my parents because I wrongly assumed they would agree with the mans ideas and insist that I too should be able to deal with fear. I wanted to live up to their standards and, hopefully, make them proud. But after living this way until my late teens to early twenties and letting fear become a way of life, I eventually became exhausted. Something had to give. If I were to get anywhere in life, I knew I had to adjust my approachor eventually those never-ending feelings of anxiety and dread would overpower any dreams I ever wanted to chase after.

Then something interesting happened. When I decided to stop letting some guys negative message play on repeat inside my head and started thinking for myself, my constant feeling of alarm began to be replaced by curiosity and even hope. I discovered that when we challenge what others have said in the past, we stop their negativity from filling us with fear. When we turn away from negativity, the difference in our outlook shows up in our words, in our thoughts, and in the actions we live out each day. Shifting my perspective and looking past the lies that fear perpetuates absolutely changed my life, and it will do the same for you.

It was during this time that I began questioning everything I had learned in my younger years. I knew I needed to stop taking everything I was told as fact and to start finding out the truth for myself. When I became curious enough to start seeking some answers, I began to talk to others about the fears I was facing. Along the way, people also began opening up to me about their own fears. In fact, every person I talked to had something they feared, and I began to realize that maybe there wasnt anything wrong with me after all. When these people shared their fears with me it was beautiful vulnerability at its finest.

When I finally understood that fear was the one thing keeping me from fully connecting with people and giving more of myself to the world, I began to understand why the angry man who scolded us in church all those years ago was disgusted with fear. His message that had since haunted me was completely wrongfear will come, it is necessary, and is many times an indicator that we are on the right trackbut telling us to fight fear with everything inside ourselves was a message that we all need to hear.

We all have a responsibility to find bravery, because there are people who are waiting for us to fight our fears and to embrace our futures. Beyond the selfishness that keeps us looking after only ourselves, and the heartache we experience that keeps us fragile, and the busyness that tells us we just dont have time to worry about doing more with our lives, there are people who need to know that theyre not alone with their fears.

Many people discount humanity with blanket statements like people are too selfish to care, but as I look at the world around me, I know there is more to it than that. When people connect on an eye-to-eye and soul-to-soul level, the need to be brave in more situations becomes real. Therefore, to fight fear we must know that there are individuals who receive the benefit of our bravery for it to matter. That in itself is something to become passionate about, because people always matter.

It is this passion for people that draws us to one another, and its the sharing of our fears that can create dialogue and understanding. To make a lasting impact on the world, this is something you must take to heart. Creating the truest form of community and relationship always requires both passion and bravery.

A passion for others and the belief that one can make a difference are at the foundation of every brave action. In fact, the only reason bravery is worthwhile is that it helps others. If you pursue bravery only to help yourself, then the connection to others that is deeply ingrained in each of us isnt fulfilled.