Townsend - People fuel: fill your tank for life, love, and leadership

CONTENTS

S ealy Yates and Mike Salisbury, my literary agents: Thanks for your belief in the ideas in this book, and your strategic partnership in making this all work.

David Morris, vice president and publisher for Zondervan trade books: Your commitment to quality publishing, and impacting the world by content in all its forms, is always an encouragement to me.

Mick Silva, editor for Zondervan: I have so enjoyed our partnership, and your competence in making the words flow helps and educates the reader.

The Townsend Leadership Group, led by Patrick Sells, Karen Bergstrom, and Fauna Randolph, and each director, consultant, and coach, as well as all of our clients and group members: Your expertise in developing high-performing leaders with a holistic paradigm has created a catalyzing partnership.

Scott Makin, executive director and cofounder of the Townsend Institute for Leadership and Counseling at Concordia University Irvine, Mike Shurance, dean of the School of Professional Studies, the faculty, administration, students, and alums: Im so happy to be partnering with the competence and character of such a great team.

Maureen Price, executive director of Growth Skills, and the board of trustees, Jobey Eddleman, Mike Brock, Cakra Ciputra, Dr. Randy Rheinheimer, Pastor Vern Streeter, and Steve Uhlmann, as well as the workshop facilitators: You work miracles in the workshops and in the church, and are creating a movement of growth.

Dr. Henry Cloud: Thanks for all of your insight and partnership in the world of helping people and organizations become their best.

Christine Ames and Jodi Coker, my assistants: Your thoughtful and practical skills make everything work.

The Tuesday mens group: Our many years together make you people fuel in my life.

My advisory board: Thanks for your wisdom, guidance, grace, and truth.

Dave Lindsey: Thanks for your suggestion that I simplify the relational nutrients into categories, resulting in the four quadrants.

My clients and friends who have been part of this book: I have learned so much from being connected to you.

Barbi, my wife: Your constant support and advice is a lifeline for me.

Ricky and Benny Townsend, my sons: I love to see how you are carving out your own worlds in your spheres of influence.

I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine, whose story exemplifies the ideas in this book. Mark Householder is president of Athletes in Action, an organization which uses sports as a platform to help people answer questions of faith. A ministry of Cru, AIA engages with athletes in the professional, collegiate, and other arenas to create vision, growth, and outreach to the world through the world of sports.

For the past several years, Mark has been exposed to and trained by the primary message of this book: people are Gods fuel for growth. He has been deeply involved in the growth process and has committed a great deal of his and his organizations time and energy to this principle.

Mark will tell you that AIAs performance, its clarity, his personal life, his family, and his relationships have all been transformed by this idea. He has restructured how the organization operates, and it has borne fruit.

Mark once told me that one of the most profound insights he experienced in the process was simply that we need to need, which I mentioned at the beginning of this book. Marks leadership DNA was to be other centered, and he did not know how to recognize, respect, and provide for his own needs. The principles in this book provided a new, somewhat disruptive, but ultimately liberating reality. He and his ministry remain committed to and growing in this paradigm. They have made vulnerability a cultural norm in their individual, team, and larger meeting contexts, and the results have been transformational.

To help you begin to see visible results from applying this truth and the ideas mentioned here, I want to offer you a challenge. Starting with the Townsend Personal and Relational Assessment Tool (TPRAT), this quick (ten minutes) online survey will help you find out how you are doing in the four character capacities: bonding, boundaries, reality, and capability. It is free to anyone who purchases this book. After completing the assessment, youll get a score of one to ten in each area, along with a customized report which lists your specific skills and gives you action steps to take to improve your scores and increase your personal growth.

Then, for the next fifteen days, begin each day with some time to think about how to take one or two of the action steps listed in your results. Whichever categories need attentionbonding, boundaries, reality, and/or capabilitydo the reading and complete the personal insight assignments step by step. Once youve worked through the chapters, it might take you a couple of hours to fully consider how best to apply the ideas. But assign yourself the task of considering specific actions you can take in one or more of your relationships to move them forward. And then, if you took note of some relationships that need attention as you read this book, go back and take those actions as well.

The best part is, once youve worked through all the insight assignments, you can take the TPRAT again for free to see how youve improved. When you see your score improved by the actions youve taken, youll experience what so many others have reported, that recovering your energy for relationships is only one benefit of applying the instruction here. We are finding that people are encouraged with their growth upon knowing what to do and working on the skills. You will find the link and password to taking the TPRAT in the informational page in the back of this book.

Its easy to quickly read a book and feel like youve done something for yourself when you havent. The transformational benefit youll experience for a lifetime comes from taking the first steps. If you take the challenge and complete the personal insight assignments, you will gain significant growth from the new insights received and be enabled to begin making important life changes. Our brains store information much longer when we act on it. So begin to realize the benefits of this information in your life, and maximize the benefits for the people you care for.

You now know what the growth system for life looks like, why it exists, and how we bear good fruit. But each of us has a responsibility to consider who the right people are who can provide the right nutrients in the right quantities at the right times. In this way, we are regularly receiving and delivering what makes life work. Your task over the next fifteen days (or more, if needed) is to take steps to balance out with whom you should be spending more time, and which relationships you should be pruning back, so you can be fueled with the right ratios of nutrients.

Finally, let me challenge you to begin looking at your relationships in a fundamentally different way. Many of us see others as a burden we are to carry, personally or professionally. Or we see others as not all that interested in entering our wells. Neither of these viewpoints is entirely correct, and theyre certainly not helpful.

Instead begin to look at all of this simply as an ecosystem created by God, in which your needs are significant for your well-being. And more, that there truly are others who would count it a privilege and an honor to provide you with the nutrients you needcertainly for your growth but also foundationally, because you are loved. Then pay it forward and transfer your own nutrients to those who need them.

That is the key for all of us, to the life that is well worth living. As Jesus said, You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruitfruit that will lastand so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other (John 15:1617). God picked you to go bear fruit, fruit of all kinds. And it cannot be done, in its fullest expression, without the love we are to have for each other, as it manifests itself in the giving and receiving of what ultimately are his nutrients for us.