Pip Lincolne - When Life is Not Peachy: Real-life lessons in recovery from heartache, grief and tough times

If life has taken a difficult turn, chances are you are not feeling very much like yourself.

maybe it has taken you some time to get to this unfamiliar place, or perhaps its been sudden. Either way, you may be experiencing lots of awful feelings and wondering what the heck youre meant to do now.

This book is here to help.

Tough times dotted my life for a number of years, and there were moments I honestly wondered if Id ever recover.

But as I looked at the people around me, I could see many of them were also dealing with their own painful challenges: the loss of much-loved family members or friends, serious illnesses, traumatic relationships, overwhelming or unexpected life changes.

Not only did they speak of feeling isolated in their sadness, and unsure of how to deal with their own big feelings, they noted that others didnt really know how to help them either.

When I was struggling through my own hard times, I started to write down the things that helped me, the things that were hard, things the experts said might prove a healing salve and slowly but surely, a book took shape.

I wanted to put my heart on my sleeve and talk about some of the difficult times and feelings many of us battle through, just in case it might help other people going through hard times.

Oh my gosh it has been a lot. A lot to deal with.

That said, I didnt really want to focus too much on how I got to a sad place. This is not a memoir, as my psychologist has pointed out to me.

Lets just say the last few years included several deaths in the family, deaths of beloved pets, challenging mental and physical ill health and the breakdown of a difficult 23-year relationship. Oh my gosh it has been a lot. A lot to deal with. A lot of suffering. A lot of feelings.

I thought finding some common ground in the feelings that these sorts of tough times spark might be helpful to others, and potentially a way to find my own way out of the fog.

Of course, everyones circumstances are different, and our responses are different too but there are also lots of ways we are similar when tough times strike.

I wanted to talk a bit more about those similarities, and how we might band together to navigate really hard days, weeks and months. Because if we cant share the most fragile and human bits of ourselves to bolster and support each other then what are we even doing?!

I thought finding some common ground in the feelings that these sorts of tough times spark might be helpful to others.

Please note that this book is not an expert guide, and by no means a substitute for specific and professional help although it does contain lots of bits and bobs from actual experts, too, and some resources you might find helpful. Rather, its a guide from someone who has lived through some hard things and made it out the other side in one piece and actually feeling a little stronger and wiser as a result.

If you have endured loss, difficulty, trauma or other sad events, then I hope this book might help you snaffle some more peaceful moments and take the edge off your suffering even just for a wee while.

Sending
squeezes
to you,
Pip

If you are reading this, you are probably already heartbroken.

.

Bloody hell.

i am so sorry this is happening to you. I am so sorry things have gone so wrong.

Perhaps you are sitting quietly, trying to process these sentences, and indeed where you are at in your life.

Intermittently shaking your head in disbelief, unsure how this could even have happened, how you could have found yourself feeling so at sea. Possibly clinging onto the doona/large glass of wine/comfort kebab/or yourself for dear freaking life.

Perhaps you are nursing an actual physical pain in your heart (and other places) and thinking, Why does it feel like this? Aargh, help! When will it end? Please accept this from-afar hug, through the pages of this book.

Know that I am thinking Eff this, you dont deserve this shit . I truly am. Im in your corner. I have navigated the awfulness of my own version of where you are.

When something terrible has happened, the physical ache in the heart is more than just an expression snaffled from a 60s love song. Its an actual , painful emotional and physical condition.

This kind of hurt is so hard to bear and when you are feeling this way it seems you will never feel any other way.

Heartache in the wake of loss is a very real and deep sort of pain. Its surprising and scary. Breathtakingly stabby and overwhelming and frankly every bit as horrifying as the creepy things you imagined lurking under the bed when you were a kid.

The early days and weeks (sometimes months or more) of broken-heartedness appear to be entirely made up of injured body parts, lost selves, disappearing hopes and dreams, and much-wanted things that now feel utterly impossible or unattainable.

This ache is a two-fold trauma. Not only are you trying to process all kinds of confusing thoughts and emotions inside your brain, but theres a weighty, pressing at times unbearable, at other times quietly tick-tocking pushing ache in your chest as well.

Perhaps its not just your chest? It might extend through your upper body and into your battle-weary and exhausted head, too. Or your ears even? The back of your stinging throat? Perhaps its your eyes as well, blurry from tears and swirling words.

This kind of hurt is so hard to bear and when you are feeling this way it seems you will never feel any other way.

But you will. I promise. I truly do.

So why does it hurt like this?

Why does the sadness and shock wash over us and seep so very, very deeply inwards?

Perhaps its because some very primal parts of us are awakened when were going through big and difficult stuff. Our fight or flight response activates, flooding our brain with stress hormones, and our muscles tense up madly in response.

Suddenly, you might have a cracking headache, a stiff neck, and a chest that feels like a giant angry bear is giving it an actual bear hug or sitting its giant bear bum on you, your body completely concealed by its hefty and heavy frame. It feels horrendous.