Steve Brown - How to Talk So People Will Listen

Henry Clay was a speaker of great acclaim. If you are successful at anything, those who arent successful will be jealous. Some of the older members of the house were jealous of Clays ability to sway a crowd with his speeches, and one of them said to him in a rather snide way, Your problem, Henry, is that you speak for the immediate impact on your audience. I speak for posterity.

Yes, Clay replied, and it seems that you are willing to keep talking until the arrival of your audience.

In other words, Clay was saying that his critics were people who talked without anybody listening. Their audience was not a real one. This is (hopefully) a practical book about normal, everyday people talking to normal, everyday people. It is not a book for scholars or professional communicators. It is, in short, a book written to help you reach a real audiencethe one we encounter every day of our lives.

Have you ever made a fool of yourself in a public speech? Have you ever wondered what to say next in a conversation with a friend or acquaintance? Have you ever seen speakers sway a crowd and thought that you would like to be able to do that? Have you ever wondered why your words had no effect on the people who heard them? Have you ever felt ignored in a conversation, at a party, or behind a podium? Have you ever wished you could improve your speaking and conversation skills? Have you ever given a report and found that nobody understood what you reported or didnt even care? Have you ever wished you could say things to your employees that would motivate them toward more efficient work, or wished you could say something to your boss that would motivate him or her toward giving you a raise?

If youve had those wishes, this book is for you.

Ive been there, done that, and have several of those T-shirts.

Never ask advice about any subject from someone who doesnt understand the difficulty of the subject in question. I do. I know about the perspiration on the upper lip, the panic, and the anxiety that simply wont go away. Ive often made a fool of myself and watched others do the same. So if you want to know about talking, Im your man.

This is a book about talking.

Im a talker and (after a lot of failure) a reasonably successful one. This book isnt going to be filled with academic jargon or impractical theory. The information has come from a lifetime of trial and a whole lot of error. The best way to learn to do something is to first do it wrong, and Ive done it wrong a lot. Im going to give you an opportunity to learn from my failure and success.

I teach communications at Reformed Theological Seminary where I try to help young preachers get the fire to the front pew. I spend a considerable portion of my time speaking at conventions, churches, colleges, and seminars. Currently I speak on a daily fifteen-minute radio program heard on over three hundred stations across the country, do a commentary on contemporary music stations in most major markets, do a one-minute feature on over seven hundred stations, and host a weekly talk show heard on over one hundred stations. I have worked in commercial broadcasting, selling everything from Cadillacs to cigarettes, and in Christian broadcasting with a far better message. As the host of a Christian talk show, I spend a lot of time discussing peoples problems with a view to helping them find some answers.

In other words, my job is talking. (Of course, it is far more than that, but, at minimum, it is what I do for a living.) Talking is the train that carries the product to the market. The product may be the best any industry has to offer, but if there is no transportation to get it to the public, then the best product in the world will remain on the shelves.

Im a Christian and I have a concern that Christians learn to talk better. Im not afraid that the Christian message suffers from lack of truth. It really is true! Im afraid that it suffers from talkers who dont know how to talk. As part of my personal calling, I want to help my Christian family talk better.

But communication skills are amoral (they are either effective or ineffective, not good or bad). So, if you are not a person of faith, this book might help you too. Just dont tell anybody where you got the information.

The major problem with talking is that everybody does it, yet hardly anybody understands what it does and how it affects others. On any given day, you will have heard thousands upon thousands of words spoken by a whole lot of people. The odds are that you wont remember what most of those words communicated. Not only that, during any given day you will speak thousands of words, and few people will even understand or remember what your words communicated.

Im writing this book to fix one side of that equation: your side. I want you to talk better, to talk so people will listen.

Mostly, I want you to talk better so that your words will make a difference in your church, or your family, or your business, or with your friends.

But, also, maybe Ill meet you someday. Perhaps Ill hear you make a speech or preach a sermon. Maybe we will talk. And, to be painfully honest with you, I want to enable you to talk better so that I wont be bored to tears when we meet.

For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.

Matthew 12:37

H ave you ever wondered what it would be like to lose the power of speech? You couldnt communicate quickly or easily with others about your needs, your feelings, or your desires. You wouldnt be able to correct false impressions or share your ideas. You couldnt encourage or reprimand or inspire. You wouldnt be able to express anger or love or joy. If you couldnt talk, you would be forced into the shell of your private world, and it would be a lonely place indeed.