Nikki Soulsby - Lies I Told Myself, and Other Truths: How to Squash the Mental Monsters and Live Your Dreams

2021 Nikki Soulsby

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Edited by Clarify Editing & The Write Edit

ISBN: 978-1-7371358-0-7 (paperback)
ISBN 978-1-7371358-1-4 (eBook)

For Greg, who believed I could.

I love you.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1:

Chapter 2:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5:

Chapter 6:

Chapter 7:

Chapter 8:

Chapter 9:

Chapter 10:

Chapter 11:

Chapter 12:

Chapter 13:

Chapter 14:

Chapter 15:

Chapter 16:

Chapter 17:

Chapter 18:

Chapter 19:

Chapter 20:

Introduction

Who do you think you are? Michael Scott is not giving you an exit interview; this is a real question.

Who do you think you are?

You answer is directly related to my next question: What do you deserve?

What you think about yourself determines what you believe you are worth. Like it or not, what you believe youre worth is what you get, because its what youre willing to accept. Its like that scene in Pretty Woman where Julia Roberts is shopping on Rodeo Drive and gets run off by nasty, judgy saleswomen. She had money to spend and she knew it, but she let those women kick her out because she didnt feel worthy of having nice things. After a little coaching from Richard Gere on what kind of service she should expect, Roberts has no trouble holding her ground and demanding her value for the rest of the film.

Roberts starts out in the gutter because she allowed herself and other people to put her there. She is the same person at the end of the movie as she was at the start, with a modification. She changed what she thought about herself. When she first entered the Beverly Wilshire Hotel, she was visibly uncomfortable. By the end of the movie, she had plans to move, finish her high school diploma, and get a day job. All because she figured out she was worth more. This, my sweet friend, is true for all of us.

Its not who you are that holds you back, it is who you think youre not, says author and speaker Denis Waitley.

The quality of your life hinges on what youre willing to accept, and that comes from what you believe about yourself, the world, and other people. You have to get your mind right to get your life right.

Your brain is the most powerful tool in your arsenal. You can use it either for good or for evil. My brain, if allowed, will turn into a toddler and wreak havoc everywhere. It will find the absolute worst times to remind me of unhelpful things, it will get distracted when I need to focus, and it will tell me to accept less than I deserve, because who the hell do I think I am anyway? The good news is that my thoughts are in my control. If I can control my thoughts, I can control my actions. If I can control my actions, I can control my life. I dont know about you, but I want more out of life, which means I have to ask more of myself.

The number one thing that held me back from getting the good life was what I thought. The really awful part is that a lot of those thoughts werent even true. I was lying to myself, and it almost cost me everything. At my low point, I was depressed, in debt, miserable, working at a soul-sucking job, hoping I could pay my bills, certain I didnt deserve love, frustrated that bad things always happened to me, and toying with the idea of not waking up tomorrow. I was desperate for my life to improve.

Motivational speaker, author, and business tycoon, Tony Robbins says your life changes for one of two reasons: inspiration or desperation. I was definitely the second. I didnt want things in my life to get better, I needed them to get better. And they did get better. Not overnight, but over time my life changed dramatically. I went from being unemployed to being a rising star at a Fortune 50 company. I went from being a victim of sexual abuse to having a healthy marriage with a doting husband. I went from being tens of thousands of dollars in debt to being debt free and nearly tripling my income. I went from suicidal to joyful and thriving. All because I changed my thoughts.

It started when my life fell apart, but crystallized for me in grad school. One homework assignment showed me that I had been living a lie for over a decade. This lie was stunting my present and future. Once I identified the lie, I was able to replace it with truth. I took that opportunity to examine all of my beliefs and keep only what was helpful and true. Its like that biblical verse in Philippians 4:8: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirableif anything is excellent or praiseworthythink about such things.

I jumped on the self-help bandwagon in 2008. While my roommates were seeing the latest movies, listening to Lady Gaga, and going to frat parties, I was reading Dale Carnegie, listening to motivational speakers, and attending business conferences. My actions didnt help my popularity, but they did teach me valuable success principles. However, knowing success principles and living success principles are different things. Turns out, if you keep your self-limiting beliefs, you keep your circumstances, no matter how many success principles you can recite. You cant outwork negative thought patterns. Its like trying to run off every calorie you ate today. You will run out of energy or hurt yourself before you zero out. When you allow your brain to get stuck in negative or unhelpful thought patterns, you cripple your success before you even get off the starting line.

I know you have dreams. Even if you cant clearly articulate those dreams at this moment, I know they exist. Maybe your dream is some peace (and quiet), financial stability, ownership of your time, meaningful work, respect, love. Maybe you just want a decent nights sleep. All dreams are valid here. The thing about dreams is they are meant to be more than just fantasy. They are meant to be lived. There is no point in torturing yourself with impossible dreams because youre chained by your brain.

If you dont read another word of this book I want you to know three things:

1. You can have the life you dream about. You deserve it, youre worth it, you can do it.
2. If its not working, do something about it or change your attitude.
3. Youre not alone.

The rest of the book is going to cover lies I told myself, how I squashed those lies, and how you can squash them too. I realize that my mental monsters may not be the same as yours, but I believe youll find something relatable and encouraging in my stories.

Do I have this nailed? No way! There are times when I slip up and fall right back into my old thought patterns. Now that Im aware they exist, I can more easily identify them, squash them, and replace them with truth that removes limits from my potential.

By the end of this book, you will be able to tackle the things holding you back from the life you deserve. I believe in you. I believe in your dreams, your hopes, and your desires. I believe that you are capable of more. Author A.A. Milne was right in saying, You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. Friend, you can move mountains. So lets start living those better lives today. Lets slay those mental monsters and make your dreams come true.