Anne Costa - Lord, I Hurt!: The Grace of Forgiveness and the Road to Healing

LORD, I HURT!

THE GRACE OF FORGIVENESS AND
THE ROAD TO HEALING

LORD, I HURT!

THE GRACE OF FORGIVENESS AND
THE ROAD TO HEALING

Anne Costa

Copyright 2012 by Anne Costa
All rights reserved.

Published by The Word Among Us Press
7115 Guilford Drive
Frederick, MD 21704

16 15 14 13 12 1 2 3 4 5
ISBN: 978-1-59325-200-7
eISBN: 978-1-59325-434-6

Scripture texts in this work are taken from the New American Bible, revised edition 2010, 1991, 1986, 1970 Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Washington, D.C. and are used by permission of the copyright owner. All rights reserved. No part of the New American Bible may be reproduced in any form without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Cover design by Faceout Studio
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any meanselectronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any otherexcept for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the prior permission of the author and publisher.

Note: All the examples used in this book are based on real-life situations, and sometimes composites of several situations, in which the names and identifying details have been changed to protect confidentiality.

Made and printed in the United States of America

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Costa, Anne.

Lord, I hurt! : the grace of forgiveness and the road to healing / Anne Costa.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references (p.).

ISBN 978-1-59325-200-7

1. Absolution--Catholic Church. 2. ForgivenessReligious aspectsCatholic Church. 3. Forgiveness of sin. 4. HealingReligious aspectsCatholic Church. 5. Catholic ChurchDoctrines. I. Title.

BX2270.C67 2012

234.5--dc23

To my mother, Joanne,
with love

(without whom this book would never have been written).

Every book tells a story, and this one is no different. I am deeply grateful for the many people whom I interviewed and who unselfishly gave of their time and their hearts to share their experiences with me. Each one of you has contributed to this book and enriched my life in invaluable ways. Then there are the people who listened to me and supported me as my own story emerged and evolved through the writing of this book: Kathy Kreinheder, Adele Del Savio, Susan Storms, Paul Goggi, and my dear long-suffering husband, Michael, who continues to amaze me with his wisdom and his love.

When the editor of The Word Among Us Press asked me what topic I might like to tackle for my next book, I pitched a few ideas, but none of them drew any interest. Then, knowing that I often speak to groups, she asked, What are your audience members talking to you about? And without hesitation I said, They are hurting and struggling with the need to forgive. Needless to say, we had the topic for this book!

Where do you begin to write a book on forgiveness? Everyone, it seems, has some reason to be on the journey toward forgiveness because we cant live our human lives in this fallen world without hurting one another. Sometimes we act out intentionally, but oftentimes we hurt each other out of carelessness and our collective brokenness. Some of us have been carrying a heavy burden of hurt for a very long time, while others are just in the beginning stages of coping with a startling betrayal. Yet all of us, at one time or another, will be in need of healing from some form of emotional, physical, or spiritual pain. Many of us cry out: Why? Why must I suffer in this way? Why must I forgive the unforgivable? And how can I ever forgive?

If there is anything I have learned on my own personal journey of forgiveness and healing, it is that I may never know why. My persistence in asking that question over and over again at times of deep anguish and pain actually seemed to prolong the first steps toward healing. Why is not as helpful as how: How, Lord, how can I move from this place of pain and bitterness to freedom? And then the prayer becomes this one: Lord, please show me the way out of the darkness of my pain and the prison of my resentments.

This book is my humble attempt to help you answer the how question and to walk alongside you on the way toward a heart freedom that leads to forgiveness and peace in your spirit. Let me get one thing straight right away: I am not an expertI still struggle with forgiveness too! In fact, I found the task of writing this book to be extremely challenging because I had to come face-to-face with some pretty uncomfortable feelings. I thought I had forgiven, only to find out that forgiveness is rarely a one time event, but more often an ongoing process.

Along with the challenge of writing this book has come the great blessing and gift of Gods inspiration. Truly his Holy Spirit has guided my hand and my heart in a very powerful way as this book has unfolded. What I know for sure is that we are all on this journey together, and this is how the Lord intended it to be. We follow him with our crosses, but we are not meant to travel alone through this life. We are called to help one another as best we can.

There is no doubt that one of the most difficult crosses we carry is the one that wont let us forgive ourselves. You may be in the painful predicament of having passed an unmerciful and harsh judgment upon yourself long ago. Maybe you have grown accustomed to the heavy burden of pain and shame you carry. Perhaps you have refused the freedom that Jesus so dearly wants to give you because you have given up on yourself and on him. This book is for you too. Self-inflicted pain can be the worst kind of bondage, as it stands in the way of Gods unending mercy.

Many people have contributed to this book by openly and honestly sharing their heartbreaks and struggles. I will forever be grateful and in awe of their examples of courage and vulnerability. I have learned so much from themthey have been my teachers, mentors, companions, and friends through the process of writing this book. I thank God for them all. These pages contain their stories. In many cases I have protected their identities for privacys sake and changed some identifying details. In some cases I have combined the experiences of individuals to draw a composite of a common experience, but I have remained true to the heart of the original message and the spirit of each individual experience.

What I have discovered is that at the core of every story of forgiveness are Jesus and his cross. The whole of Christianity could never be believable without our dear and precious Lord, who was willing to enter completely into our brokenness and experience the same hurts, injustice, betrayal, and suffering that we encounter. And not only did he enter into it, but he took it all upon himself so that we, too, might have the hope and freedom to forgive.

Anne Costa

For I know well the plans I have in mind for you,... plans for your welfare and not for woe, so as to give you a future of hope. When you call me, and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you look for me, you will find me. Yes, when you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me,... and I will change your lot; I will gather you together... and bring you back to the place from which I have exiled you.

(Jeremiah 29:11-14)

Of all the promises that God makes to us in his word, this one has to be one of the greatest. In these verses God spills forth a fountain of loving care and kindness. There is so much comfort here. He is planning for our future. He cares about what happens to us and wants what is best for us. And if things are going badly, he will change the course of our lives. He will rescue us and bring us back to him. God is with us; we are not alone.