Jimmy Carr - Before & Laughter: The funniest man in the UK’s genuinely useful guide to life

Jimmy Carr is an award-winning comedian, television host and writer, goddamnit.

One of the biggest-selling comedy acts in the world, Jimmy consistently does stand-up to sell-out crowds, performing his shows at venues in over forty countries. Thats a lot of countries. In fact, the only thing thats been on a more extensive world tour in the last five years is coronavirus.

Before making the move to streaming, Jimmy was one of the bestselling acts in the comedy DVD market, selling over 2 million copies. And to this day his DVDs continue to form the centrepiece of many Oxfam Shop window displays.

Jimmy is a household name in UK television, well-known for hosting Channel 4s 8 Out Of 10 Cats , Cats Does Countdown and Big Fat Quiz of the Year . He is a regular on all the top panel shows. Jimmys hair has appeared in both The LEGO Movie (2014) and The LEGO Movie 2 (2019).

He was also the first UK comedian to sign a stand-up deal with streaming behemoth Netflix in 2015.

Before & Laughter is his first attempt at an autobiography. He might even write another one. Depending on next years tax bill.

This ebook published in 2021 by

Quercus Editions Ltd

Carmelite House

50 Victoria Embankment

London EC4Y 0DZ

An Hachette UK company

Copyright 2021 Jimmy Carr

The moral right of Jimmy Carr to

be identified as the author of this work has been

asserted in accordance with the Copyright,

Designs and Patents Act, 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication

may be reproduced or transmitted in any form

or by any means, electronic or mechanical,

including photocopy, recording, or any

information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the publisher.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available

from the British Library

HB ISBN 978 1 52941 307 6

TPB ISBN 978 1 52941 308 3

Ebook ISBN 978 1 52941 310 6

Every effort has been made to contact copyright holders.

However, the publishers will be glad to rectify in future

editions any inadvertent omissions brought to their attention.

Quercus Editions Ltd hereby exclude all liability to the extent

permitted by law for any errors or omissions in this book and for any loss,

damage or expense (whether direct or indirect) suffered by a

third party relying on any information contained in this book.

Ebook by CC Book Production

www.quercusbooks.co.uk

For Karoline and Rockefeller

Contents

A CARR IS BORN

INTRODUCTION TO THE CARR MANUAL

When I read an autobiography, my takeaway is always, Wow, this guy talks about himself a lot. So I thought we might mix things up a bit. You might be a little interested in me but Im damn sure youre a lot more interested in yourself. This book, then, is about both of us.

I wanted to write something that changes Western culture fundamentally and increases the sum of human happiness now and for future generations. But that was a lot of work, so I did this instead: I wrote about what I know. I know about me and I know about comedy and I know how to help myself. Everything I needed to be happy I learned from dick jokes.

You cant be a Marvel superhero, you cant be a Jedi knight, but you can be funny. As funny as anyone. Im making a case for laughing your way through life for seeing the funny side wherever possible. If you could see the world through my eyes, well, lets just say I laugh my funny laugh a lot.

Of course, my map of the world is not accurate, my world view isnt the truth. But then again, neither is yours, neither is anyones. As Tim Ferriss said, Reality is largely negotiable. And how you see the world is how the world is... at least for you.

My point is, life can be hard, harsh and depressing but if youve got a light, funny disposition, youre better able to deal with every setback life will inevitably throw at you. Id like to take the filthy pond water of life and filter it through the charcoal of humour so we can all drink it.

What the fuck does Jimmy Carr know about life? Well see.

HELP YOURSELF

The reason Im writing this book (other than the generous advance) is that I have a son now (congratulations me), and if I die, what will I leave him? Hours and hours of dick jokes.

My father? I dont remember much, but he sure had a lot of dick jokes.

Boy, sit down. This is a funeral.

Well, theres more to me than just dick jokes... slightly more.

I became a father in my late forties. When my son is twenty-five, Ill be seventy-five. Now, thats around the time hell need guidance. Hell be on the first big adventure of his life; hell be trying to find his purpose. I take a lot of omega-3 fish oils and I try to eat right and exercise, but lets face it, I may have forgotten all my wisdom by then and where I left my keys.

I think the reason so much wisdom is vague may be less to do with the unknowable nature of being and more because the old people dispensing wisdom might have totally forgotten what its like to live.

At least Ill still look the part. Thanks to the wonders of my plastic surgeon, Im hoping my son wont realise Im older than the other dads. Hell come and talk to me about his problems because, unlike the other dads, Ill never seem shocked or surprised, disappointed or sad, primarily because Botox has robbed me of the ability to move my forehead.

Just like everyone else you know, Im going to die, although in my case large parts of me will not biodegrade. But at least my son will have this book. This book and my teeth. I imagine my teeth will outlive us all.

Spoiler alert: all self-help books say the same thing prioritise later over now.

Thats it; theres a whole section of the bookshop based around that simple idea. You could actually edit those four words down to just two: prioritise later. So, case in point, Im writing this now, which is frankly a pain in the arse, because I want to enjoy having written it later.

ME FIRST

Covid-19 really helped. Not just the government-mandated paternity leave (I never wouldve taken a year off to be a full-time dad if the world hadnt shut down), but also, its good to stop and take stock once in a while. Covid was a sort of half-time whistle on life. An enforced break that made us all do a little audit: what am I like? What do I like? Whats useful? Whats next?

I can never travel back in time and talk to myself aged twenty-five. But there is such a thing as time travel its just that time only moves in one direction and at one speed. I will get to meet my future self I mean, Ill have to wait, but Ill meet me in twenty years time (albeit in twenty years time). And I can bring gifts to myself in the future. I can give myself money, if I save, good health, if I take care of myself: you get the idea. Whatever I do now, I know Im going to get back then.

I think if were being honest, we all have the same time preference: we all value today over tomorrow. Thats why its easier to sit on the couch and do nothing than it is to work or exercise. We all prefer comfort and pleasure right now, but we also understand whatever we do today, we have to live with tomorrow. And so the stronger your preference for the future, the better.