Helen Wallace-Iles - Autism, Aspergers, Anarchy! The Ringmasters Tale: The truth about autism, Aspergers and the anarchy of life on the spectrum

byHelen Wallace-Iles

Illustrated by Jenny Stout

2018 Helen Wallace-Iles

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

For permission requests, contact the author directly via
helen@autism-all-stars.org

ISBN: 9781723978388

First published in 2018
by Kindle Direct Publishing

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

So Matildas strong young mind continued to grow,

nurtured by the voices of all those authors

who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea.

These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message:

You are not alone.

Roald Dahl, Matilda

Actual conversation with my children

Guys, Im thinking about writing a book on autism and Id like to include lots of stories about the sort of things that happen in our family. I dont want you to feel like Im talking about you in public if youre not happy about it. Are you all okay with me writing personal stuff about you?

A whispered discussion between my children follows,
accompanied by much nodding of heads
and resulting in this wonderfully encouraging reply:

Dont worry Mum, we dont mind; no-one will read it anyway.
Excellent. Thanks for that then, guys.

This book is therefore dedicated to my four
remarkably honest children:
Christopher, Dominic, Aidan and Isabelle.

You are my lifes work.
Each of you is an exceptional, unique and limitless masterpiece.
Thanks to the four of you I can confidently leave this world a far,
far better place than I found it, and whatever I achieve during
my lifetime counts for nothing compared to the genuine honour
of being your mum.
Always remember how much I adore you all
and most importantly remember this, guys:
Dreams arent for rookies giving up is for rookies.

Not that anyone will ever know that,
because no-one will read this book anyway.

Obviously.

Table of Contents

Warning May Cause Offence Page 8

Extreme political correctness
Different ways of describing autism
Awareness vs Acceptance
Functioning labels

A Foreign Country Page 19

Attitudes to disability in 1966
Toddler Rules of Possession
Autisms presence from birth
Parenting as an extreme sport

The ABCs to Elemenopees of Autism Page 41

A brief history of autism
Autism or Aspergers?
Top 10 Myths about Autism
Do vaccines cause autism?
The autism spectrum
Visible signs of autism
How neurotypical brains learn
How autistic brains learn

Playing the Generation Game Page 77

Why family members deny your child has autism
Working together to bridge the Generation Gap

To Diagnose or Not to Diagnose Page 95

Should your child be diagnosed?
Not wanting your child to be labelled
Do labels really limit peoples potential?
Using autism as an excuse
The art of tea making
Pushy parenting
Using your childs special interests
Functioning labels
The spectrum at war
HD humans
Working with a diagnosis

Grieving What Isnt Lost Page 125

What is bereavement?
Coping with the death of a child
Grieving when your child has autism
PTSD or OTSD?
The cancellation of expectations
Working through the bereavement process
Looking for the positives
Living in the present moment
Taking things gently

Kill or Cure Page 159

Is autism a disease?
Should autism be cured?
Quack cures
Should autistic people be changed?
Should autistic children be aborted?

String Theory Page 177

Why the SEN system will never be perfect
Managing in mainstream
Being actively patient
Suggestions to help your child at school

Meetings and Partings Page 195

Using cranial osteopathy
How I became a therapist
Using costumes to teach new life skills

The Female of the Species Page 213

Bringing up a girl on the spectrum
Differences in male and female brain wiring
Passing or Camouflaging
The delayed after effect
Similarities and differences in autistic girls
Encouraging self-acceptance

Tackling the Tough Stuff Page 233

Understanding sensory processing disorder
Managing meltdowns
Survival Kit for Days Out
Encouraging cooperation
Using the correct language
Processing delays
Pathological Demand Avoidance
Understanding food aversion
Dealing with sleep disorders

And the Good News Is Page 261

Autism and evolution
Autism and celebrity
Autism and friendship
Autism and employment
Autism and talent
Autism and spirituality
Lessons to be learned

Being Your Own Hero Page 275

The myth of the super-parent

There Is No Magic Wand Page 281

Trust me, Im a therapist
Being human: a contradiction
Taking a Quantum LEAP
Frequently asked questions
List of therapeutic programmes
The emotional freedom technique

Post-Diagnosis Survival Pack Page 307

Why does my child do that?
Common terms and abbreviations
Films and TV shows featuring autism
Finding help to navigate the education system
Getting financial assistance
Tackling sleep disorders
Minecraft for autistic people
Help, advice and information resources
Sensory toys and calming products
Further reading

Meet the Ringmaster

My mother-in-law once told me that when her three boys were small, her father would often shake his head and say This family doesnt need a mother, it needs a ringmaster!

I smiled politely, and raised an eyebrow at his little joke, saying Yes, I can imagine...

As it turned out of course, I couldnt. No-one can.

As my own boys grew up, I quickly realised that her father had not, in fact, been joking after all.

***

Twenty five years later, Im the mother of three autistic sons and a small daughter with a more than generous sprinkling of Aspergers.

This book is an honest account of some, but by no means all, of the adventures weve shared and is designed to be the first in a series of three books exploring the changes all autistic children and their families experience as they learn and grow into adults. As a result it focuses primarily on the time my children were young, with the teenage and adult years being described in the next two books. Meanwhile, this one includes lots of useful information about the basics of autism and where to find help and support for anyone whos new to the condition.

Nothing is exaggerated, although a lot of it will be beyond belief to people without children on the colourful and constantly shifting landscape that encompasses autism, ADHD, Tourettes, dyslexia, dyspraxia etc.

Successfully parenting children who are considered different is tough; theres no getting away from that fact. Its hard and exhausting and often completely overwhelming. The sheer logistics of it will chew you up and spit you out without the slightest shred of remorse, and to survive it youll need to discover parts of yourself you never even knew existed. Fortunately, you will.