Teri Smith-Pickens - The Irrational Fear Cure: In Four Miraculous Steps

THE (Irrational) FEAR CURE IN FOUR MIRACULOUS STEPS

2nd Edition

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in this book.

The Fear Cure in Four Miraculous Steps

All Rights Reserved.

Copyright 2009 Teri Pickens

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Flying Enigma Press LLC

http://www.thefearcure.com

ISBN (paperback): 978-0-9761596-0-5

eISBN: 9780976159636

I give infinite love and gratitude to God for vision.

I extend my gratitude to everyonestrangers, clients, family, and friends alike who volunteered their personal stories to help make this book a reality. Special thanks to the men at HCCC for allowing me to travel with them on their journey.

Finally, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to my beautiful angels who paid the ultimate sacrifice in being victims of this leprosy of the mind.

Both AA and NA pinpoint the uneasy feeling addicts get the morning after a night of binging, when they wake up dreading the memory of what they did the night before; they call it, impending dooma deep shame, stemming from a vague knowledge of the destructive, hurtful and uninhibited behaviors they probably displayed and the consequences that may follow. Although the term is generally connected to people struggling with alcohol and drug abuse, impending doom also applies to the general population, those who we like to think are different from what popular culture calls addicts. Most people face this feeling daily, because they are living in Survival Mode, plagued by irrational fears and chronic anxiety, and they dont know it. I call this a leprosy of the mind because it is mostly unconscious, and we think we are the only ones suffering from it. It usually strikes as we transition between the fantasy world of sleep, (when you can fall sleep), where we temporarily escape our troubles, loneliness and desolation until our re-emergence into reality, with that sinking feeling in our gut, Oh no, I am still aliveI have to suffer through another freaking day!

Before experiencing a supernatural epiphany, I didnt have peace, I was waking up in this state regularly. One morning, I called out in desperation to God, crying hysterically, Please God, just take away my fears. Suddenly a strange quietness came over me. It felt like God had said, Okay. It was that simple; no Hollywood special sound effects, only a profound quiet, peacefulness and a strange sense of being anchored to the Holy Spirit that I always knew was within me but didnt know how to access.

I was running an Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous (AA & NA) group in a county jail, where I met many men who had experienced relapses. Some had multiple suicide attemptsall seemed to have hit a rock bottom that brought them to jail. I realized that saying you have faith or believing in the outward appearance of those who claim to have religious faith can be deceptive. I worked with John, a long-standing member of both AA and NA who was proud of his long recovery time. One afternoon he was unavailable for group, so I gave his bunkmate a Bible passage to give him for next time. His bunkmate looked at me as if I were crazy! I asked him what the problem was, and he turned and whispered, John doesnt believe in God. I took a deep breath as I stammered, What? John, a member of AA and NA for years, groups that are based on a spiritual concept, must believe in God, I thought. Johns bunkmate took the Bible reading to him despite his doubts and he accepted it. John later told me it was easy for him to do the 12-steps and even to grasp an intellectual belief in a higher power, but he still felt unable to trust anyone, especially a God he never knew. This experience prompted my in-depth study of the 12-steps programs that Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous use.

One day, while driving to work in complete silence, I had an epiphany. The revelation happened in the same way God had relieved my feeling of impending doom. It felt like I was reading from a blackboard, but the blackboard was in my own mind and the information that was revealed was not familiarit was unlike anything I had heard before. It took about a day before I realized it was really happening, even while I was driving. I started carrying a pen and paper and would pull over and take notes because I couldnt always remember what I heard. The revelation continued over years and became more advanced. It was definitely out of the purview of my knowledge base. When I felt confused and couldnt make sense of what I heard, a new dialogue would begin and clarify the things I was confused about. It was as if I were conversing with someone who had all the answers. It forced me to challenge my dark night of the soul.

Dark night of the soul is a phrase coined by Spanish poet and mystic St. John of the Cross. It describes feelings of loneliness, desolation, loss and abandonment, and the absence of God. Everyone living in Survival Mode, where irrational fears and chronic anxiety are their nemesis, experiences this, but it surfaces strongly when a person consciously tries to embrace a spiritual life, unaware that a mental dis-ease has disengaged his belief system, causing detachment from the spiritual self. Unbelief is the key that imprisons the Holy Spirit within us. The dark night of the soul is not the same as a lack of belief, but it is a lack of faith, that supernatural grace that Saint Paul describes in Hebrews 11:1 as, The substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen. Excess distrust is a sign of fear, and faith and fear cant co-exist. Mother Teresa of Calcutta said that for almost the entirety of her 50-year devotion to her Missionaries of Charity, she suffered the dark night of the soul. Without coping mechanisms, suicide can be one tragic end result of an unresolved dark night of the soul.

I had gone through several years of my dark nights of the soul, but I continued on my spiritual journey. Despite many days of feeling joy and moments of peace, impending doom still hovered, becoming magnified when things went wrong, or the sun failed to shine. I knew from the epiphany that it was irrational fears, dragging me into a deep vortex of evil, and I knew what was causing it. I first addressed my chronic distrust. I worked on trusting God by denying my free-will. I tuned into my whole inner being, embracing God as my constant companion and confidant. I watched my energy to keep it positive, and instead of getting depressed when bad things happened, I looked for the lesson and the opportunity. I began slowly letting go of my irrational fears by challenging them: afraid of heights, I forced myself to drive over many bridges, pretending God was in the drivers seat. I continued to feel the fear caused by inertia but didnt give in. I forced myself to stay put when I had the urge to run.

In Survival Mode, we are wired to respond to our Fight/Flight/Freeze alarm response and will choose one. Before the epiphany I was the runner, a phrase I coined which describes someone in Flight, someone who cant sit or stand still, always on the go as if being chased. I challenged my chronic anxiety by mentally asking God to give me his Spirit of peace. I replaced my compulsive obsessions (addictions) by starving them and replacing them with healthy activities. As time passed, when I felt myself on the verge of insanity I called out to God and my mind becomes still. The morning I cried out hysterically, a joy I cant describe stayed with me, replacing my fear with the peace that passes all understanding. This was the experience John Newton described in the song, Amazing Grace. How precious did Gods grace appear to me, that hour, that minute, that I first believed. Now I know why animals are always joyous.