Faith G. Harper - Befriend Your Brain

BEFRIEND YOUR BRAIN

A Young Persons Guide to Dealing with Anxiety, Depression, Freak-outs, and Triggers

Part of the 5 Minute Therapy Series

Faith G Harper, 2021

This edition Microcosm Publishing, 2021

eBook ISBN 9781648410390

This is Microcosm #268

For a catalog, write or visit:

Microcosm Publishing

2752 N Williams Ave.

Portland, OR 97227

(503)799-2698

www.Microcosm.Pub/ BEFRIEND

Did you know that you can buy our books directly from us at sliding scale rates? Support a small, independent publisher and pay less than Amazons price at www. Microcosm.Pub

Microcosm Publishing is Portlands most diversified publishing house and distributor with a focus on the colorful, authentic, and empowering. Our books and zines have put your power in your hands since 1996, equipping readers to make positive changes in their lives and in the world around them. Microcosm emphasizes skill-building, showing hidden histories, and fostering creativity through challenging conventional publishing wisdom with books and bookettes about DIY skills, food, bicycling, gender, self-care, and social justice. What was once a distro and record label was started by Joe Biel in a bedroom and has become among the oldest independent publishing houses in Portland, OR. We are a politically moderate, centrist publisher in a world that has inched to the right for the past 80 years.

Contents

Preface

Introduction

Who Is This Book For?

What is Going to Happen in this Book?

Take Action: Taking Your Own Temperature

Part One: This is Your Brain on Trauma

Chapter 1: When Did My Brain Turn against Me?

Why Is My Brain a Big, Hot Mess?

Brain 101

The Annoying Amygdala

Fight, Flight, or Freeze... Its the Brainstem!

Squish It All Together? We Got Storytelling Brains

Yes, You Can Retrain Your Brain

Its Official. You Are Not Crazy. A Doctor Just Said So.

Take Action: Trigger Is Not Just Roy Rogers Horse

Chapter 2: How Trauma Rewires the Brain

Okay, Lady, What Exactly Do You Mean by Trauma?

How Our Brains Handle Trauma

What Trauma Looks Like on an Ordinary Day

Take Action: Name It

Chapter 3: Befriend Your Brain

The Fancy Science of Befriending

Dealing with Trauma Right after It Happens

Dealing with Things Way Later

Okay, So Its Not Really a Trauma. But I Still Have a Messed-Up Brain. Whats Up with That?

I Love Someone with a Serious Trauma History

Take Action: Ride the Wave

Take Action: Put It on Ice

Chapter 4: Getting Better: Retrain Your Brain

A Framework for Getting Better

Safety and Stabilization

Remembrance and Mourning

Reconnection

First Things First: Safety and Stabilization

Take Action: Create Coping Cards

Grounding Techniques

Mental Grounding

Physical Grounding

Soothing Grounding

Mindfulness Meditation

Prayer

Music

Self-Compassion Exercises

Mantras/Positive Self-Talk Strategies

Exercise

Get Yourself Outside

When Youre Ready: Remembrance and Mourning

Writing or Journaling

Telling Your Story

Reframing Your Story

Getting Back Out There: Reconnection

Use Your Story to Create Meaning

Finding Forgiveness

Building Relationships with Safe Boundaries

Chapter 5: Getting (Professional) Help: Treatment Options

Traditional Talk Therapy

Allopathic Meds

Naturopathic Meds

Other Complementary Therapies

Acupressure/Acupuncture

Biofeedback/Neurofeedback

Nutrition Changes

Natural Supports

Part 2: This is Your Brain on Life

Chapter 6: Anxiety

Symptoms of Anxiety

Do I Have Anxiety or Am I Just Anxious Sometimes?

So Where Does Anxiety Come From?

Self-Training for Learned Optimism

Take Action: Challenge Your Negative Gremlins

Chapter 7: Anger

A Culture of Anger

Anger Is a Secondary Emotion

More on Needs

Take Action: Where Does Your Anger Come From?

Chapter 8: Addiction and Unhealthy Behaviors

Where Addictions Come From

How We Heal

Abstinence-Based Treatment

Harm-Reduction

Reclaiming Our Lives

Take Action: Where Can You Say Yes?

Chapter 9: Depression

How Does the Getting Better Part Work, Then?

Activity: What I Want Back

Chapter 10: The Importance of Honoring Grief

What Is Grief?

Platitudes People Use That Dont Help (And My Responses)

Take Action: Honoring Your Own Grief Through Ceremony

Conclusion: The New Normal

Sources

preface

F irst of all, no one expected the original version of this book to be as hugely popular as it was. Im a nobody from San Antonio, Texas, and I wrote a book published by a medium-sized publisher that appeals to punks and weirdos (my people!). And it didnt get popular because Oprah found it. It got popular because those same punks and weirdos read it and passed it to their friends. Who passed it on and passed it on and passed it on. And a couple of years after it was published, it ended up on best-seller lists (which goes to show that punks and weirdos can absolutely change the world).

And I got tons and tons of fan mail. Most of it was about how helpful they found the book and how they loved that I write the same way that I talk. The other one percent hated my language and thought it was disrespectful of my academic background. I guess if I have a PhD I should sound boring and stodgy? They demanded a clean version of the book because they didnt like my language.

My publisher shrugged and said, When you try to make everyone happy you end up making no one happy. You sound like yourself, and thats what makes the book good.

Then we got a note from someone who worked with teens with significant trauma history who were also involved in the justice system. Which is a lot of crap to go through before legal adulthood. She used my books regularly, especially the original brain book, and had to black out the f-bombs. She asked if we had considered making a kid-friendly version. Not dumbing down the science or anything, but something that could be used in schools and detention centers and the like without needing to use a sharpie every other word.

So, heres the thing.

Not only do punks and weirdos change the world as a group, one person with a reasonable and respectful request can also change the world. She wasnt yelling about how I write, she just wanted to use it in places where it was really needed. I sent that email to my publisher who said, Thats totally fair, we should do it!

So this book, the kid friendly version, was officially approved.

So the next question was, do we have someone else write it, or do I do it? Of course I wanted to do it! I did not want someone else dumbing everything down. I work with a lot of teens and preteens in my private practice, and they are incredibly smart and thoughtful.

One of my biggest complaints about mental health books written for people under eighteen is that they treat readers like theyre dumb. And Ive found yall tend to be more self-aware and world-aware that most of the middle-aged people I know. And yall are the ones wholl be fixing this planet after we are long gone.

So no talking down or dumbing down of anything. No cheesy. No fake positives and cheer. Just real life science, help, and advice. Because youre already living real life, and you already have real problems.