Miriam Subirana - The Joy of Caring: Transforming Difficulties Into Possibilities

SPIRITUALITY

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Real self-love cannot be distinguished from love of another. Peter Schellenbaum

To care for yourself you have to love yourself. You can only really take care of yourself if you are grounded in self-love. Otherwise, you are likely to be too hard on yourself. Its easy to say and write, but its not so easy to put into practice. I hope this book helps make it easier.

There are three main factors that can sabotage our intentions to look after ourselves. These are: wanting to please others, feeling overly autonomous and independent, and caring too much about the opinions of others.

The ideal thing is to care out of love, freedom and respect. However, through attachment and fear, we might try to take care of ourselves in a way that can become suffocating. We do it out of obligation, because we believe there is no other option; we take care of ourselves because we are afraid that if we dont, something might go wrong.

For example, I think that doing exercise because you feel you have to is being too harsh with yourself. You dont enjoy the moment. You count the minutes, pressured by the desire to get results. Of course, its important that looking after ourselves should bring good results, but when we feel under pressure to achieve specific goals, there is less love, tenderness and enjoyment of the moment in our self-care. It becomes one more obligation on our to-do list. This kind of care doesnt lead to a meaningful encounter with yourself; it is limited to merely carrying out activities that are good for the body.

Taking care of someone else can also be seen as another obligation on our to-do list, meaning we risk exhaustion through looking after them but not ourselves. If you dont want to get burnt out or lose touch with yourself, you have to understand how to look after yourself. Caring for oneself is the condition that makes it possible to care for others in the right way. To connect properly to the other, you need to know how to tune in to yourself and not stray from the path that keeps you in touch with your centre. It is not selfish to love yourself, to stay close to yourself and see and accept yourself. Only by doing so will you be able to take really good care of others.