Christine Fonseca - The Caring Child: Raising Empathetic and Emotionally Intelligent Children

Copyright 2019, Prufrock Press Inc.

Edited by Katy McDowall

Cover design by Micah Benson and layout design by Allegra Denbo

ISBN-13: 978-1-61821-934-3

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Printed in the United States of America.

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Dedication

Dedicated to todays children, part of a generation that embraces tolerance in ways seldom before seen, but for whom emotional strength is ever more elusive. May this book guide you and the caring adults in your lives to a more caring and compassionate world.

WRITING for a living was not something I had initially planned to do. I had no idea that my first book in 2010 would lead to such a joyous vocation for me. None of it would be possible without the help and assistance of my family, friends, and community. Thanks for making another book possible.

To my partner, my husband, my soulmateonce again your support for my need to express myself in words is the reason I am able to write. You pick up the chores, run the errands, and make food anytime my ventures into the writing cave are too long. You listen to my endless prattling about whatever I am writing about without complaint. Youre my strength when I am convinced I cant move forward, my consoler when I fall short of my goals, and my cheerleader when I soar. Thank you for being my partner on this crazy ride.

To my amazing children, Fabiana and Erikayou find ways into every book I write. You are my thought partners, my editors, my creative inspiration. Thank you for allowing me to pursue my crazy need to create without ever feeling like I have to sacrifice my relationships with you both.

To Katy McDowall and the team at Prufrock Pressyou have been my partner now for all of my nonfiction work. Your insight, belief in me, and ongoing commitment to publishing quality educational and parenting titles have made everything possible. I can never say thank you enough.

To my colleagues at Collaborative Learning Solutions: Jon, Gail, Kenny, Debbie, Mary Beth, Micki, Dean, and everyone else who makes the daily grind so worth itthe work we do every day inspires so much of my work as a writer, particularly with this book. Your collective dedication to disrupting the status quo in education and improving outcomes for kids is why I do this work. Thank you for letting me part of something that is so much more than a job.

To my BFFs and cheer squad: Andrea, Stephanie, Jodi, and Chrisyou are great friends, trusted confidants, and endless sources of inspiration. Although we have not spent near enough time together of late, your positive influence on my life and support for my creative work is never unnoticed. Thank you for your willingness to offer counsel, connections, and laughter.

To the hundreds of contributors around the worldyou shared your thoughts and stories with me online, via e-mail, over Zoom, and in person, and shaped many of the strategies, role-play scenarios, and stories in the book. Thank you for your collective wisdom and engaging in my book research process so generously.

And finally, to the ever-inspiring writing community, bloggers, readers, and fans that continue to support and inspire my workalthough I only know most of you through my online communities, our connections are real and feed my soul. You get me through the hard times, the moments I am convinced I will never write another word. Without your encouragement, willingness to share my work, and requests for more, I would not be blessed to continue down this author path. Thank you!

Christine Fonseca

I am blessed to spend most hours of the day working with children or helping adults be more impactful in the work they do with children. As a result, I get a close view of the changing generations and the impact of world events on the daily lives of children. Over the last 5 years, Ive noticed a significant shiftchildren are more tolerant but less emotionally flexible. Social-emotional learning (SEL) is receiving more and more attention, and yet children are less and less resilient. Its a paradox.

As I sifted through research to determine what was happening, it became clear to me that, although positive psychological constructs were having a generally positive impact, there were several unforeseen consequences. One of the more major of these is a growing belief that you should only feel happy all of the time; there is a feeling that sadder, more complex emotions are an indication that you arent practicing positive psychological principles enough.

Add to this an increase in perceived pressure to perform from children, the impacts of technology on social development, and decreased self-esteem in the current generation of children, and it is not surprising that many experts feel that we are on the verge of a serious mental health crisis among our youth. An increase in traumatic incidences, including adverse childhood experiences, community violence, and natural disasters, have only increased the assault on our childrens social-emotional development, deepening the concerns around overall mental health.

Educators feel the shift, as do parents. Even our children talk about difficulties with resilience, increases in anxiety, and struggles with friendships. Schools, in an attempt to address the problem, have tried more positive approaches to discipline, with mixed results. Teachers express frustration with the changing social dynamics. Parents are concerned and struggling. Children are caught in the middle, unsure of how to respond to our current world.

This is the environment in which this book was borna need to provide both parents and educators with additional tools to build empathy, raise resiliency, and better prepare our youth for an ever-changing world.