Christine Fonseca - Healing the Heart: Helping Your Child Thrive After Trauma

Library of Congress Control Number:2019957625

Copyright 2020, Prufrock Press Inc.

Edited by Katy McDowall

Cover design by Micah Benson and layout design by Shelby Charette

ISBN-13: 978-1-61821-922-0

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Dedication

Dedicated to everyone who has experienced traumatic events, whether due to adverse childhood experiences, natural disasters, community violence, or other events that threaten your very existence. Let the words in this book be a guide, pointing the way to a happy and integrated life in which your stories of trauma result in strength, growth, and resilience.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Writing about the impact of trauma has been near and dear to my heart for more than 3 decades, when the impact of my own wounds became all too clear. Now, with the help of the people below and numerous others, the book is finally written. Thank you to my family, friends, colleagues, and the community who supported every word and every page:

To my partner, my husband, my soulmateonce again, your support for my need to express myself in words allows me to live in this creative space. You continually step up and help with the chores, the errands, and the basic necessities of life, even when I forget about everything but writing. You listen to my endless conversations about my various book topics with interest and amusement. Youre my strength when I struggle, my consoler when I fail, and my cheer squad when I succeed. Without you, none of this would happen. Thank you for more words, more books, and your endless love and support.

To my amazing children, Fabiana and Erikayou find ways into every book I write. You are examples of living a creative life and my constant source of inspiration. Thank you for being examples of strength, safety, and positivity.

To Katy McDowall and the team at Prufrock Pressyou have been my partner now for more than a decade. Together weve created quality books that make the world a better place. Thank you for always listening to my crazy ideas and taking a chance. You have made all of my nonfiction work possible.

To my colleagues at Collaborative Learning Solutionsthe work we do has inspired every page of this book. The CLS vision to disrupt the status quo, relentlessly support children in the margins, and make the world a better place for everyone inspires me daily. Thank you for your contributions to this books content. More importantly, thank you for including me on the crazy ride and allowing me to blend the myriad creative endeavors into a beautiful life.

To the hundreds of contributors around the worldyour experiences shaped every page of this book. You shared your thoughts and stories with me online, via e-mail, over Zoom, and in person, and changed my views about trauma and moving from surviving to thriving. Thank you for your collective wisdom and engaging in my book research process so generously. Your stories are nothing short of inspirational.

And finally, to my tribe: the writing community of bloggers, readers, and fans that continue to support and inspire my workalthough I only know most of you through online communities, our connections are real and feed my soul. You get me through the hard times, encouraging and supporting the projects waiting to be finished. You champion my work, sharing great stories and offering suggestions for new material. Without you, my stories and self-help books would never take shape or be birthed into the world. I am blessed to share my creative soul with each of you.

Thank you!

Christine Fonseca

Authors Note

Over the last several years, readers and workshop participants have asked me to address the topic of trauma and toxic stress. It is a frequent news topic and something that is on peoples minds. And with good reason. The impact of trauma is significant, often blocking growth and development, and creating barriers for children and adults alike.

Most of the conversations Ive seen around trauma focus on adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), including neglect and abuse, mental health issues in the family, and divorce. Seldom do people talk about the impact of war, community violence, and natural disasters, like the devastating California wildfires or hurricanes Harvey and Maria. This more global view of traumaand the similar impact these events have to ACEshas consumed my thoughts for several years. I needed to understand all of the ways our stress response becomes maladaptive and toxic. I needed to explore the many ways parents and educators could help children. And I needed to share this information as widely as I could.

Healing the Heart is the outcome of my study. It is a culmination of years of research and practice working with those impacted by trauma, including myself and my family.

Healing the Heart is part parenting book, part self-help book, part workbook. My goal is to provide parents, as well as educators, with the information to best understand what happens when the brain becomes overwhelmed and ones stress response shifts from adaptive to maladaptive. It is designed to give youthe readerthe tools needed to recognize and heal the impact of your personal trauma, if applicable, and best support the children in your life through post-traumatic recovery.

Take time to read the book thoroughly. Do the exercises, especially the reflection work. Then, use the information in your work with childreneither as a parent, educator, or another support person. Traumatic events are significant and impact people over an entire lifespan. This doesnt mean the impact is destined to be negative, however. There are ways to repair physical, emotional, and psychological damage. This book will hopefully help you through the process.

Note that Healing the Heart is not a substitute for the therapeutic process any more than any self-help book can be. It is simply meant to support you on your journey to understanding the role of trauma in your life and in the lives of the children you know.

Please reach out if you have any questions. Happy reading!