Julia Kristina - Drive Your Own Darn Bus!: How to Get Mentally Strong and into the Drivers Seat of Your Life

Drive Your Own Darn Bus

Julia Kristina

First published in the UK and USA 2022 by

Watkins, an imprint of Watkins Media Limited

Unit 11, Shepperton House

8993 Shepperton Road

London N1 3DF

Design and typography copyright Watkins Media Limited 2022

Text copyright Julia Kristina 2022

The right of Julia Kristina to be identified as the Author of this text has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, without prior permission in writing from the Publishers.

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library

ISBN: 978-1-78678-472-8

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Set in Adobe Garamond Pro

Printed in the United Kingdom by TJ Books

www.watkinspublishing.com

Julia Kristina , MA Psych. is a master therapist and mindset coach who helps smart, empathic people get past anxiety, stress, and self-doubt so they can have better, live better, and feel better.

Through her online membership program, The Shift Society, she helps heart centred humans identify the thoughts and beliefs that are holding them back, and then teaches them how to take charge of their thoughts and emotions so they can thrive in all areas of their lives.

Julias expertise has been featured in Inc magazine, Psych Central, Mind Body Green and numerous other publications, podcasts and television outlets. She has also given talks in front of audiences of hundreds on stages across North America. Videos on her YouTube channel have been watched more than 14 million times and she has built a community of over 325,000 fans across social media platforms. When shes not helping her clients and students increase their emotional intelligence and build their mental resilience, shes either reading another psychology book, having a dance party in her kitchen, or on some kind of outdoor adventure with her three small children in Vancouver BC, Canada.

CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION

I spend most of my days dealing with other peoples struggles. They come to me saying things like, I need to stop getting stuck in paralyzing self-doubt whenever Im about to step into something new or, I want to stop obsessing about everything that comes out of my mouth and worrying about whether someone took what I said the wrong way or, I want to lie in bed at night without stressing about all the people who rely on me, and everything I need to get done for them so they dont get upset or, I need my thoughts to stop spinning out of control and getting anxious about everything terrible that could happen! I listen with intent, help people reshape their relationship with these struggles, and work with them to find solutions they can put into action. Seems like Im a great friend, huh? I mean, I am, but dealing with issues like these is all in a days work for meIm a therapist with a thriving practice and the founder of The Shift Society , an online community where people learn how to take charge of their thoughts and emotions and live authentically by doing the hard, intentional work of healing, growing, and shifting.

Over time, Ive come to realize that struggles like these have the power to dominate our lives, or at least distract us from the things that are most important to us. The energy it takes to deal with these issues leeches our ability to live fully, love as freely as we can, and ultimately have the courage to create the life we want most. These common struggles determine how we feel, the health of our relationships, and how we perform at our jobs every single day. We think (mistakenly) that if [insert problem here] was solved, life would be easy and we could finally find happiness.

Well, friend, Ive got good news and bad news.

Lets get the bad news over with first. The bad news is that solving a singular problem in your life is not the secret to peace, nor is it the key to happiness. After all, youve done it before, havent you? Youve finally gotten your boss to back off, your partner to start pitching in more, youve met the goal, fulfilled everyone elses needs, and youve even ticked everything off your to-do list, but your happiness stocks didnt really rise all that much, did they? I hate to say it, but this pattern, if unchecked, will continue for a lifetime. You might work extra hard to control everything in your environment, be on top of it all, get promoted quickly, win the approval of your parents, or the validation of everyone around you. But even if you achieve all those things, the same underlying stressors will inevitably pop up again. I know, its hard to hear, but stay with me. The good news comes next.

Just because achieving your goals, changing your circumstances, or gaining approval wont solve all your problems, it doesnt mean your problems are permanent, or that something is fundamentally wrong with you. I, too, struggled with falling into the same rut for years. I thought there was some secret to happiness that I could obtain by changing the people around me, achieving all of my goals, avoiding anything challenging, or becoming anyone other than myself. I struggled with anxiety, was full of self-doubt, and felt like Id missed the day in school when I was supposed to be taught how to be a regular human. But I couldnt seem to help the fact that I was stuck in a never-ending cycle:

Id work really hardlike really hardbut never felt as though what I was doing was good enough, or even like I was good enough.

Id stress about thingsmainly things I could do nothing aboutbut I just couldnt stop the overthinking and incessant worry.

Id try to do what I thought people wanted of me, so that Id fit in and theyd like me.

Id perpetually second-guess my decisions and, no matter the stakes, inevitably stressed that I made the wrong one.

Id feel like an outsider and take most things personally, includingyoure going to laugh when I say thisdogs barking at me. Thats right. I would be walking past a dog and if it suddenly started barking at me, Id worry Id done something to deserve it. As a therapist who helps others overcome anxiety and self-doubt, yes, I see the irony.

But then, one life-changing day, I found something called thought work: the concept that, more often than not, its not the situation, person, or conversation thats causing your intense emotional reaction; its your thoughts, beliefs, ideas, and your perception about whatever is happening (or not happening) that sends you into an emotional tailspin.

Take a minute to let that sink in. Its not whats happening, its how you interpret whats happening that causes the freefall.

When I learned about this concept, I was blown away. I dug deep and realized I was constantly running every experience through filters in my mind. As a result, I was spending my life overthinking and overstressing about pretty much everything. No wonder I was convinced Id personally insulted every dog that barked at me! My understanding of what was going on in my brain was totally out of whack.

Before I go any further, I want you to know, struggling with your thoughts and emotions doesnt make you bad, flawed, or weird; it just makes you a human being. It means, like most of us, youve not been taught how the human brain works, nor have you been given the tools to work with it . Up until now, your brain has been unconsciously working against you, which is why you find yourself feeling stuck. Again. And again. And again.