Claire Willis - Lasting Words: A Guide to Finding Meaning Toward the Close of Life

A Guide to Finding Meaning
Toward the Close of Life

CLAIRE B. WILLIS, LICSW

foreword by
JOAN HALIFAX

photographs by
MARNIE CRAWFORD SAMUELSON

Lasting Words:
A Guide to Finding Meaning Toward the Close of Life
2013 Claire B. Willis
www.lastingwordsbook.com

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Printed in the United States.

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Green Writers Press is a Vermont-based publisher whose mission is to spread a message of hope and renewal through the words and images we publish. Throughout we will adhere to our commitment to preserving and protecting the natural resources of the earth. To that end, a percentage of our proceeds will be donated to the environmental activist group, 350.org. We will also give a percentage of our profits from this project directly to Vermont-based environmental organizations. Green Writers Press gratefully acknowledges support from individual donors, friends, and readers to help support the environment and our publishing initiative.

Giving Voice to Writers Who Will Make the World a Better Place
Green Writers Press | Brattleboro, Vermont
www.greenwriterspress.com

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

ISBN: 978-0-9899838-1-5

COVER & BOOK DESIGN BY CAROLYN KASPER
PHOTOS 2013 MARNIE CRAWFORD SAMUELSON www.bostonpicturegroup.com
FRONT COVER PHOTO ALISON SHAW www.alisonshaw.com

Permissions to use the poems reprinted in this book appear on .

For Alex and Margaret,
whose words are lasting

PART ONE
FIRST STEPS

PART TWO
SEVEN STEPS TO LASTING WORDS

T HE INTRODUCTION of this powerful book is Your Words Matter. And so this guide unfolds a path for bringing narrative, language and words to a world that is often met by muteness or distraction.

In this carefully and beautifully crafted text, you will find a treasure house of word-based guidance through the journey of illness. It is almost always true that sickness surfaces the deep need for meaning in our lives. Our priorities shift as we see the horizon of life that is the threshold of death. The practice of expressing gratitude, love, forgiveness, of the discovery of long held but rarely expressed values, the hidden stories that percolate in the final months of life, and the chance to share all this with wise and compassionate others changes the landscape of dying and opens the door to living more fully, honestly, bravely, and richly.

Writing is a practice and path, and this guide gives us a tool to bring forth the treasures in the mind and in the heart that have long remained out of sight. Meditation, relaxation, writing practice, working with gratitude, hope, forgiveness, wisdom and endings can be the way signs on the journey that bring us to the close of life.

Having such a guide as this is immensely valuable to all of us. Whether we use it for ourselves or share it with another, it is a path to a richer life that gives meaning to us and to those around us as our journey takes us to the unknown.

JOAN HALIFAX,
author of Being With Dying

F OR THE last 20 years, I have had the privilege of leading writing groups for people living with cancer and their loved ones. I could not have imagined or anticipated the healing impact that writing could have, both for the writers and for those receiving and reading their words. People living with a life threatening disease often share common questions and concerns: How will I be remembered? What difference has my life made and what difference is it making right now? How do I pass on my values and life lessons to my family and loved ones? How do I share some of the lessons I learned to help reduce the suffering of others? What legacy will survive me? Writing about these intimate concerns offers an opportunity for solace, healing and closure.

Lasting Words is a collection of reflections, meditations, poetry, quotations and writing exercises that I have used in my group work over the past years. The work of the writing group members at both The Wellness Community and Facing Cancer Together in Newton, Massachusetts is featured throughout the book. I am eternally grateful to those who entrusted me with their presence and who shared their writing with the group. I have included work by group members throughout the book. In some instances, I have excerpted their pieces. At other times, the writing appears in its original form. I have changed writers names to respect their privacy.

This book started out as a graduate program thesis requirement. Roshi Joan Halifax, one of the first readers and one of my teachers, immediately envisioned my thesis as a book, and encouraged me to publish it. I am grateful for her vision. In the initial stages, Marnie Crawford Samuelson, my good friend and photographer, along with Dan Wallace, reviewed every word I wrote with much care and discerning eyes. My friendsAbe Feingold, Lisa McDonnell, Rachael Freed, Julia Dunbar, Margaret Metzger, Marilyn and Bob Kriegeland both my daughters, Carlin and Emily Greenstein, collectively spent hours reading and commenting on the first few drafts of the manuscript, helping to bring it into readable shape! Mia Jacobson-Miller toiled for hours with the poetry permissions. I couldnt have chosen a better colleague. Alison Shaw generously allowed us to use her photograph on the front cover of Lasting Words.

The designer, Carolyn Kasper, grasped and believed in the spirit of this book from the beginning. I am thankful for her vision, patience and guidance. She has created a book that is not only beautiful, but a gentle and open-hearted invitation to the reader. I am delighted to be working with Dede Cummings, the founder of Green Writers Press. I respect the bold mission of her press and so appreciate her enthusiastic embrace of this book. And finally, a very special thanks to my editor Susan Suffes who really knew how to make lemonade from lemons and believed in the book from the start. She offered a steady hand at every turn.

A Guide to Finding Meaning
Toward the Close of Life

INTRODUCTION