Mark A. PsyD Yarhouse - Homosexuality and the Christian: A Guide for Parents, Pastors, and Friends

Homosexuality and the Christian
Copyright 2010
Mark A. Yarhouse

Cover design by Eric Walljasper

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T O THE LOCAL CHURCH :

May we be faithful witnesses who offer guidance and spiritual sustenance to those who are navigating sexual and religious identity concerns.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Mark A. Yarhouse is a professor of psychology and the Hughes Chair of Christian Thought in Mental Health Practice at Regent University, where he also directs the Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity (www.sexualidentityinstitute.org). Mark received BAs in philosophy and art from Calvin College, and MAs in theological studies and clinical psychology, and a PsyD in clinical psychology, from Wheaton College. Mark is an award-winning educator and scholar who has spent several years promoting dialogue between people who view the topic of sexual identity differently. In 2000, he chaired a groundbreaking symposium at the American Psychological Associations annual convention that brought together both gay psychologists and Christian psychologists to discuss common ground in treatment options for persons sorting out sexual and religious identity conflicts. He chaired similar symposia at the APA on the many meanings of marriage among different religions and various groups within the gay community; services for adolescents experiencing sexual identity confusion; and a new approach to working with sexual identity issues in counseling. Mark has written over fifty articles and book chapters and is the coauthor of several books, including Modern Psychopathologies: A Comprehensive Christian Appraisal; Family Therapies: A Comprehensive Christian Appraisal; and Sexual Identity: A Guide to Living in the Time Between the Times .

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

People ask professors all the time about the courses they teach, what they write about, and what they research. When I answer, the conversation often either changes abruptly or is taken to another level. What I mean by this is that people either do not want to touch the topic with a ten-foot pole, or they want to share their two cents because they have really strong opinions. I want to acknowledge a few people who were willing to share their opinions with me, help expand my perspective, or otherwise challenge me on this difficult topic.

I have been blessed by the quality and longevity of conversations I have had with colleagues and students over the years. The School of Psychology and Counseling and the Doctoral Program in Clinical Psychology at Regent University have become stimulating schools and programs for the discussion of these and related topics. I am grateful for my colleagues here at Regent. In particular, William Hathaway, James Sells, Jennifer Ripley, Glen Moriarty, Judith Johnson, LaTrelle Jackson, Linda Baum, Lynn Olson, Vickey Maclin, Joseph Francis, Elizabeth Suarez, Cornelius Bekker, and Erica Tan have stimulated my thinking through ongoing discussions on this and related topics. Core team members and affiliates of the Institute for the Study of Sexual Identity (ISSI) have also played an important role in my thinking over the years, and there are far too many to acknowledge here. Current team members involved in ongoing discussions about sexual identity this past year include Audrey Atkinson, Katherine Chisholm, Kristina High, Robert Kay, Tiffany Erspamer, Camden Morgante, Heather Poma, and Alicia Tomasuno. Several ISSI team members served as readers of an earlier version of this book manuscript, including Jill Kays, Veronica Johnson, Trista Carr, Katie Maslowe, Heidi Jo Erickson, Heather Poma, Mary Zaher, and Deborah Mangum.

Colleagues, friends, and family also provided me with their comments and suggestions on an earlier draft, including Stanton Jones, Warren Throckmorton, Andrew Marin, Stephen Stratton, Janet Dean, Gary Strauss, Heather Sells, and Lori Yarhouse. Diane Cook helped edit portions of chapters 2, 8, and 9 for a DVD on sexual identity for young adults. I want to thank each of them for what they offered in terms of feedback to me, as well as the support and encouragement they have provided me over the years.

I need to also thank the people I have known both personally and professionally who have been sorting out sexual identity concerns. They have shaped my thinking about sexual identity through the relationships we have had, and I am especially grateful for the opportunity to know something about their lives and the decisions they have faced over the years.

M ARK A. Y ARHOUSE

V IRGINIA B EACH , V IRGINIA

CONTENTS

PREFACE

In a talk I gave recently at a Christian college campus, I asked the audience to Raise your hand if you are nervous about listening to a conservative Christian speak on the topic of homosexuality. Several hands went up. While I was able to use that question to break the ice, it points to a real concern that faces the church today: Sexuality in general, and homosexuality in particular, are increasingly sensitive and divisive topics.

Some people are pushing hard for the church to change its teachings on homosexuality. Many mainline denominations are fracturing over the issue; people just dont want to hear anything that sounds like a compromise on a topic that has become something of a watershed issue for Christ and our culture. But these hot-button conversations are not just occurring within and across denominations; as our culture changes and as young people are coming into their own, these discussions are also taking place across generations. Many young people in the church, while theologically conservative, want to find new and creative ways to engage the topic in light of the relationships they have in their social circles.

This book is intended to be part of that discussion, and in some ways it is meant to help the conversation become more constructive. I think it can be helpful to move away from the well-worn path of discussing and debating the causes of sexual orientation and whether orientation can change. There is a place for an informed discussion about the causes of homosexuality and whether it can change; however, the overemphasis on those two points has left many people with far too few resources for navigating their sexual and religious identities. With apologies to Robert Frost, my focus is on the road less traveled: the intersection of sexual identity and religious identity. I encourage people to spend more time here, as I think sexual identity can be a neglected yet significant area for personal reflection, as well as a way to relate to others in a more constructive manner. It isnt so much about getting people into counseling so they can change; its about equipping them to understand their attractions with reference to a larger sense of self and purpose. These things can be cultivated whether or not (or to whatever extent) orientation changes. Put differently, the cause of a homosexual orientation and the question of whether it can change, while meaningful topics in and of themselves, are secondary to the more pressing questions surrounding identity, sanctification, and stewardship.