Linda Rooks - Broken Heart on Hold: Surviving Separation

I thank my God every time I remember you .

P HILIPPIANS 1:3

To three faithful friends who walked beside me through my darkest hours and were always there for me with hope and encouragement:

Toni Jo Kidd, a frequent companion who took many long walks with me through my crisis, giving me a shoulder to lean on, encouraging my heart, listening to my fears, uplifting my spirit, and helping me laugh;

Kathy Herrbach, whose friendship became a special port in the storm by challenging me with Gods perspective, helping me keep focused, and letting me pour out my heart;

Mary Johnston, my long-time friend, who traveled with me through spiritual valleys and tunnels to help me find precious nuggets of truth.

You are the women who modeled a special friendship to me, a friendship I now hope to share with women walking through the pages of this book.

C ONTENTS

M y special thanks to the following people who helped bring this book into being:

My husband, Marv, for the 100 percent support he has given me throughout the process of working on this project and for his continued enthusiasm in sharing the hope we found together;

Author Pat Morley and his wife, Patsy, for their early encouragement and support;

Pat Verbal, who was the first person to suggest that Broken Heart on Hold would be a worthwhile project to pursue;

My editor, Mary McNeil, for believing in me and turning Broken Heart on Hold from a dream into a reality;

Dr. Joel Hunter, senior pastor of Northland, A Church Distributed, for his insight and words of wisdom that have encouraged me over the years, some of which have made their way onto the following pages;

Becky Hunter, for her continued support and encouragement;

Pastor Carl Stephens, for his forthright teaching and exhortation and for permitting me to borrow some of his insights for the benefit of my readers;

Julie Wolf, LMHC, for her professional counseling perspectives in reviewing this book;

Roger Shepherd, LMHC, for being a wonderful, supportive, and wise counselor;

Debra Tomaselli, who shared her talent and skills in critiquing my manuscript;

The many people who allowed me to share their stories so others could find hope;

And most of all, my precious Lord who gave me the promise of Romans 8:28: In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

You stand in the middle of a time warp. Past and present events swirl about with incomprehensible speed and craziness. But for you, personally, time is standing still. You are paralyzed.

This book is a love gift to you, the woman whose marriage hangs in the balance and who doesnt know what to do. This book of encouragement was written to be a friend who can walk beside you in this desperate time of lonelinessto uplift, challenge, and support you, all the while offering hope and pointing you to God.

I NTRODUCTION

L ET S T AKE A W ALK

N ot long ago I was in a place where I suspect you may be right now. My heart was broken. It was as if I were wandering through a dark tunnel and couldnt see the way out. For three long years, my husband and I were separated. For two years before that the tension in our home had kept me continually off balance. I struggled to make sense of what was happening in my life. Eventually the winding roads brought me to the end of that dark tunneland I found that the sun was actually shining. Our marriage was healed; we reconciled in 1998.

Now I want to walk through some of those valleys with you. I know how lonely it is. Let me be your friend. Together we will search the corners of possibilities, cry when the shadows seem to overtake us, and celebrate when we find answers.

Broken Heart on Hold is meant to be a friend to walk beside you through the labyrinths of your confusion and pain. It is not a quick fix or a prescription for how to solve your problems. It is intended to be a daily companion in your crisis. It is not a book to be picked up and read through once and then set on the shelf. Rather, I suggest you read one selection each day and let the devotional thoughts sink into your heart and mind. Mull it over. Chew it up. Then the following day go on to the next.

But that suggested pattern is not a formula or system. You may want to just keep reading. Thats okay. I know you are hurting, and you must choose your own pace and rhythm. But if you do read ahead and take it in all at once, go back later, start at the beginning, and reread one selection each day. When we pour water over hard, crusty ground, it runs off and little is absorbed into the firmly packed earth. It takes time to sink in. Similarly, when we are hurting and our spirits are dry, we must give words of healing time to soak in and soften up the soil of our souls. Reading each entry one at a timeeither initially or laterwill gradually bring you to a place of peace and strength.

A resource section provides recommendations for books and programs that offer more in-depth help for your particular situation.

In each of the other sections are true stories of women who struggled with marriage crises and made it through, not only with their marriages intact, but with better marriages. And throughout the book you will meet many women (and some men) who wrestled with different marital issues and arrived at a variety of results. Their struggles are transparent and their stories are true, but to maintain privacy, names have been changed and identities slightly obscured.

Because focusing is often difficult in the middle of crisis, I invite you to visit my Web site at www.brokenheartonhold.com where I have individually formatted a number of Bible verses for your strength and encouragement. From my Web site you can download full-color pages of whatever Scripture you choose and post it on your wall, mirror, or refrigerator so you can see it regularly and be encouraged. When our minds are spinning in different directions, being reminded of a Scripture can lead us to a more peaceful and healthy path.

There is hope at the end of the tunnel, and I believe that you can find it. Id like to accompany you on this journey. Lets set out to find the light.

A Note to Men: Although Broken Heart on Hold is addressed mainly to women, if you are in marital crisis you are welcome to join us. Feel free to look over my shoulder as I talk with the woman walking beside me. Men as well as women have already found comfort and hope in the material on the following pages.

Part 1

HOLDING TOGETHER A BREAKING HEART

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds .

P SALM 147:3

B EYOND B ROKEN D REAMS

I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs .

I SAIAH 41:18

A s I awake from a brief, unsettled sleep, the tension gripping my body draws me back to the shadowy stillness of the bedroom and the sense that something is wrong. What is the nightmare still clinging to my mind? I close my eyes again, the dark dread growing inside me. Even without looking, I feel the empty space in the bed stretching out beside me in the dark.

This isnt a dream. This nightmare is real.