Jim Pourteau - Hope Is where the Heart Is: a Story of a Marriage Broken and Restored : A Story of a Marriage Broken and Restored

Hope Is where the Heart Is

A Story of a Marriage Broken and Restored

Jim Pourteau with Shannon Pourteau and Ken Abraham

Foreword by Dr. Joe Beam

For my wife, Shannon.

Your acceptance, grace, vision, and commitment have given me the faith to believe in myself, our relationship, and that miracles do happen! The strength and love you demonstrate every day is without description. Thank you for being the hands and heart of God in my lifeand my hero.

Rob Beckham. Youve believed in me from day one! Youre my manager, but more than that, you are my best friend and confidant. We are going to help people live better livesabundant ones!

Dr. Joe Beam. You were the first person who had faith in my restoration and recovery as a leader and speaker, so much so, you made me an integral part of your work. You invested your knowledge and wisdom in me. None of this exists today if you had not believed in me that Sunday night.

My father, Jim Pourteau, who taught me that giving is more about who I am and whats in my heart than what people deserve.

My stepmother, Karen Pourteau, who is the human example of love, grace, and care and has been a rock for our family.

My mother, whom I love and who is an example of perseverance. You sacrificed more than anyone could know for Marcus and me, and I am grateful for that.

PawPaw and Gagee. Yall have always been my example of how I want my marriage to be. I miss you more than I can articulate, but your legacy continues in us.

Ken Abraham. Writing this book with you has been an amazing experience! You really are the best of the best! You were able to take hours of conversations and bring it all together to become hope.

Jonathan Merkh and Forefront Books. Thank you for believing in the story and jumping on board from the start.

Jen Lackey. Managing me is an impossible task! Yet you have stepped up to the plate every single day and have led this huge team in meeting deadlines and downright getting it done! Thank you for your hard work and friendship.

To you, those who wake every day and decide, I will. Go on I will believe! You are the true Champions of Hope! May your heart receive the gift of Hope as you read these pages.

T his book will change youunless youre perfect.

Its the story of pain hiding inside a dazzling personality. The story of a man overflowing with confidence and charm that draw people to him, yet a man who has far too often been afraid to be alone with himself.

Ultimately, it is a story of victory. Not the happily ever after fantasy in fairy tales, but a victory of healing and hopeand an amazing future.

Jim Pourteau walked into one of our Marriages in Crisis intensive workshops a few years back. His wife, Shannon, had found us and asked him to attend. Their marriage was in serious trouble. Jim had ripped their life apart.

I thought we were meeting Jim at the lowest point of his life.

Not so. Not by a long shot.

Ive occasionally wondered if Satan ever notices a supremely gifted child and decides, No, cant ignore this one. Theyll be a powerful force against us. Lets start destroying this kids life as quickly as possible. If so, Jim is the poster child.

The more our friendship developed over the years, the deeper Jim revealed himself, the rejections that shaped him, and the people who used him. If it takes experiencing deep pain to ever comprehend pure joy, Jim knows a level of joy most of us never will.

Read his story in these pages. Sometimes youll think Thats me! Wow, thats why I react like that. Other times youll think, Is that me? Is Jims story giving me insight into myself?

Beyond this gripping story, youll learn some of the key principles we teach to people in relationship crisis. Youll find yourself changed in very good ways.

Jim and Shannon speak transparently throughout the book. Its not a typical marriage book, and it certainly isnt a typical Christian marriage book. Its real life and real people serving a real God.

If you are ready to be real, turn the page.

Dr. Joe Beam

Marriage Helper

P erspective matters. People may experience the same events yet perceive them in totally different ways. The stories within these pages are written from my perspective and based on my recollections. Other individuals who witnessed these same events may have divergent opinions or remember matters differently, but this book reflects my experiences and contains my perceptions of them. I have combined or compressed certain events and taken some artistic license in recreating conversations. In some instances, I have created composites and, in others, changed individuals names and details. My wife, Shannon, has read every word and concurs with the accuracy of the stories I have shared. We hope you benefit from the truths we have learned.

Jim Pourteau

I never thought the words would emerge from my mouth. Id heard countless husbands and wives say something similar about their spouses, but I never dreamed that I might feel the same way about my wife, Shannon. We had been high school sweethearts and had dated for more than four years prior to getting married. But now, after nearly twenty years of marriage, I couldnt get away from those thoughts and words. I knew what I had to express to Shannon: I love you, but I dont love you the way a husband should love his wife.

They were complicated words. After all, I was the go-to guy who did and said everything right when other people needed advice about doing the right thing. I was a spiritual leader and a pastor in one of the largest congregations in the Northeast.

And I was having sex with one of my wifes best friends.

One day in early autumn of 2010, Shannon and I were in our beautifully furnished formal living room in our recently built home in Massachusetts. As kids who had both come from divorced families, we grew up poor. When Shannon and I married, our first home cost us a whopping $1,000. Now, twenty years later, we felt as though we were living in luxuryand by our standards, we were. It was everything we had ever wanted. But it was an emotional prison of gold. A lovely home and elegant drapes and furniture cannot satisfy a lonely, emotionally disconnected heart.

Shannon was sitting in a chair when I walked in, and without giving her any warning, I said, I dont love you anymore. Im ready to give up everythingyou, this house; Im willing to walk away from twenty years of ministry. Im in love with someone else.

Shannon looked up at me, shocked. What?

I stared directly at Shannon and said the words I had been thinking for months. I love you, I said, but I dont love you like a husband should.

I dont understand, Shannon protested. How can you say that?

I think I love someone else and not you, I admitted. Then I said it again, as if to drive home the point. I love you, but I dont love you the way a husband should love his wife.

My words had taken Shannon completely by surprise. She might have suspected that something was causing me to be disgruntled, like a midlife crisis or maybe too much stress at work, but had anyone asked her five minutes earlier about the status of our marriage, Shannon would have sung my praises. She was happy and contented with our life together.