Gary Chapman - One More Try: What to Do When Your Marriage Is Falling Apart

2014 by
GARY CHAPMAN

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright 2000, 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com.

Edited by Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse

Interior design: Ragont Design

Author photo: P.S. Photography

Cover design: Smartt Guys design

Cover photos: Shutterstock

Previously published as Hope for the Separated

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Chapman, Gary D.

[Hope for the separated.]

One more try : what to do when your marriage is falling apart / Gary Dr. Chapman.

pages cm

Summary: When doors slam and angry words fly, when things just arent working out, and even when your spouse has destroyed your trust, there is hope. If you feel like your marriage is near the breaking point - even if you have already split up - Gary Chapman will show you how you can give your marriage one more try. Separation does not necessarily mean divorce is imminent. Matter of fact, its possible that separation may even lead to a restored, enriched, growing marriage. The outcome of this time of transition is determined solely by the individuals involved. If youre willing to make the most of that process, begin the journey with confidence as Gary walks you step-by-step towards healing and hope-- Provided by publisher.

Includes bibliographical references.

ISBN 978-0-8024-1151-8 (paperback)

1. Divorce--Religious aspects--Christianity. 2. Marriage--Religious aspects--Christianity.

3. Reconciliation--Religious aspects--Christianity. 4. Separated people. I. Title.

HQ823.C49 2014

306.81--dc23

2014007221

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To the many couples who, in the pain of marital crises, accepted the challenge of seeking reconciliation, and allowed me to tell of their journeys.

Friend,

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E mily was articulate. Too articulate. She had always been clever with words, but now, as she and her husband of fifteen years, Tim, began arguing more frequently, her criticisms cut more deeply. Money. Tims job issues. The stresses of an adopted child with emotional problems. All this played out against the background of some long-buried childhood hurts.

Feeling bruised and defeated, Tim, more easygoing by nature, began to think, I cant take this anymore. Is it worth it? Some of his friends suggested separation. His pastor urged him to stick it out. A counselor he knew said, You need to take a time out to get yourself healed.

Tim was more confused than ever

Allie twiddled with her phone as she watched TV. She noticed it was getting late, and Zach still wasnt home. She knew his job as catering manager for a downtown hotel required late nights, especially during busy seasons. Still there was more. A distance.

Soon, she found out why.

And who.

Kevin couldnt believe he was hearing these words from his pastor. Kevin, Pastor Doug said. You and Tricia have to separate temporarily to save your marriage.

What? You mean, move out? Leave my kids? Be weekend daddy like a guy I work with?

Yes, said the pastor. I know some of the issues youre dealing with and how the two of you are in constant conflict. I think its exactly what you need.

Kevin kept protesting, picturing himself in a lonely apartment. But, he admitted to himself, something had to be done. He and Tricia argued all the timeexcept when she could hardly look at him. Couldnt be good for the kids. Maybe it was worth a try.

All marriages, of course, endure ups and downs. But some need more than a tune-up or a weekend away from the kids. Somelike those aboveneed saving.

More often than not this will require the intervention of a professional therapist. I have devoted many years to helping people with troubled relationships. Many of those who have come to my office entered at the point of marital separation. The stress level in their marriage reached a point where one spouse had walked out. The pain of separation and the real possibility of divorce drove them to seek help.

Others were not yet at the point of walking out, but were considering separation. Either way, they were rapidly losing hope for the survival of their marriage. They were at the point where they couldnt take it anymore.

Part of my role as a counselor is to provide hope. Whether you are currently living apart or simply feel that your marriage is falling apart, you need to know that you are not alone and that there is hope. You need to know that your marriage is worth fighting for.

I wont tell you that this is easy. As one counselor puts it, Its easy to fall in love, but very hard to fight for love.

In our society, it is also profoundly countercultural. In this book we will explore the reasons why staying together is the better way. We will address honestly what to do when a marriage cannot be saved. We will share stories of couples who brought their marriages back from the brink.