Table of Contents
OTHER BOOKS BY PAUL WILSON
The Calm Technique
Instant Calm
The Little Book of Calm
The Big Book of Calm
Calm at Work
Completely Calm
The Little Book of Calm at Work
The Little Book of Pleasure
The Little Book of Sleep
Calm for Life
The Little Book of Hope
Calm Mother, Calm Child
(cowritten with Tania Wilson)
FORTHCOMING FROM JEREMY P. TARCHER/PENGUIN
The Quiet
When will it be perfect?
Wont life be perfect when ...
you feel you have all the time in the worldfor your family and friends, for your own needs and development?
you can accomplish more without working harder or longer?
youre motivated and inspired?
you perform at your bestunhurried, unpressured, and calm?
you make sound decisions and quickly recover from setbacks?
your world is simple and uncluttered?
life has meaning and purpose, and youre making a difference?
you discover real peace and contentment?
Theres no rush. You dont have to read this book in one continuous
sitting, If you find the answer youre looking for in the first few
chapters, you dont even have to read the rest.
If it takes you nine months to get to the part that changes your life,
so what? Youll have enjoyed every step along the way.
So relax and take all the time you need. When you come
to the parts that please you, draw them out. Ease your
way through them at your leisure.
If you come to parts that make you feel uncomfortable, put them
aside for a while. This is meant to be a relaxing experience
as far removed from work as you can imagine.
Are you expecting this to be a book about work-life balance? After all, thats what everyone seems to be talking about today. If so, youll find everything youre looking for here.
Then youre going to find more. Much more.
Youre going to discover theres more to perfect balance than workeven if it is the most pressing area for most of us. Youre going to discover that all the other parts of your life can be enriched at the same time as you put work into a more satisfying perspective.
So, while well certainly be addressing the work issue, something far more rewarding awaits: a powerful, life-restoring change that will have you looking back on this moment with fondness and wonder.
This is what perfect balance is about.
Its not just about work
There are those who believe work-life balance to be the most pressing industrial issue of the modern age; certainly its one that almost every worker, parent, child, friend, and partner has to face up to at some stage.
You may wonder: What is the ideal balance between your primary work on the one hand, and your needs, responsibilities, and aspirations on the other? What is the ideal balance between career and family? Between playmate and provider? Between work and pleasure? Between home life and social life? Between personal growth and professional growth?
Why do some people seem to take it all in their stride, while others feel they have to slog it out, feeling more and more trapped and unsatisfied?
If the only issues at stake here were work life and home life, then it simply becomes a matter of reorganization of activities. You dont need this book in order to achieve that. But while such a move would produce a kind of balance, its far from perfect balance.
Balance can mean vastly different things to different people. In some quarters, its seen as an industrial issue to be resolved with more flexible arrangements and benefits. Suggestions include staggered or annualized work hours, shift-swapping, job-sharing, childcare, training, tele-working and self-rostering. Many enlightened employers are beginning to discover that this can deliver a real bottom-line advantage.
The individuals perception of balance can vary even more.
The senior executives version may involve having a few more hours each week to spend with family.
The solo parents version may involve access to additional childcare, or a few spare hours each week for his or her social life.
The mature employees version may involve job security or job-sharing.
The unemployed persons version may involve having something meaningful to do between 9 and 5.
The trainees version may involve more time for education.
The spiritually oriented persons version may involve finding space for meditation each day.
The lonely persons version may involve developing occasional social contacts outside work.
In researching this book, we interviewed people from all walks of life to see how their perceptions of balance compared. Just as each person was different, their perception differed as well. Even more confusing, it varied according to what was going on in their life at that time.
Fortunately, it takes no more effort to bring multiple perceptions into line than just one of them. So our focus will be on bringing balance to all aspects of your life.
Everything is just perfect
This feeingof everything being just right and making sense,
when you perform at your best and most productive without
stress or distraction, when you are motivated and inspired, when
you can relax and enjoy the company of others, when you
have all the time in the worldis achievable.
This is what we call perfect balance.
Lets see if you can remember experiencing a moment like this....
For a moment, everything around you seems just right. Not an instant of ecstasy or brilliance, but something more subtle. When everything seems to make sense and fall into place. This is not a feeling you analyze in any way; its just something youre aware of. You feel content and unhurried, with not a worry in the world. You feel accepted, loved, and respected. Whatever youre doingworking, playing, cycling, skiing, painting, nursing, conversingyoure doing smoothly and effortlessly. For the sheer joy of doing it, without thinking about or being conscious of details or outcomes. There is no one particular aspect of this feeling that stands outit all just makes sense. Your life feels complete.
Have you ever felt something like that?
When the many competing aspects of your life are in balance, this is the kind of feeling you enjoy.
For most people, its a rare occurrence. Sometimes you get a small taste of it on vacation, or when a problem is solved, or in the early stages of a new relationship, or when something you have been struggling with just clicks. Mostly, though, its a fleeting experience, and not something you normally associate with everyday living.
But if you can attain it, and sustain it, it can be the difference between feeling unsatisfied and restless, or feeling happy, content, and whole.
By the end of this book you will have the techniques and strategies required to accomplish this.
The Calm Way: Perfect balance is always closer than you think.
Yet most people are looking for it far away.
Equilibrium restored