Tiwalola Ogunlesi - Confident and Killing It: A practical guide to overcoming fear and unlocking your most empowered self

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First published in Great Britain by HQ in 2022

Copyright Tiwalola Ogunlesi 2022

Tiwalola Ogunlesi asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

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Ebook Edition July 2022 ISBN: 9780008518202

Version 2022-06-23

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To the women who showed me what it truly

means to be unstoppable, my mother Adenike

Ogunlesi and grandmothers Elizabeth-White

Okuboyejo and Rufina Durogbola Ogunlesi.

And to you, for loving yourself enough

to start this journey.

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to have unshakeable self-belief? To be able to say, This is what I want to do, and have everything within you body, mind and soul conspire to make it happen? Thats confidence. Its the belief that you are capable of succeeding in whatever you want to do in life and become whoever you want to be. Its more than a belief, its a practice, so have hope, because it can be built with awareness and intentionality. Confidence is a never-ending journey. Its a journey that is bumpy at times, but it is the most enlightening, rewarding and life-changing journey youll ever embark on. Trust me, Ive been on it for years now.

Most people think Im a confidence coach because Ive just always been confident my whole life, but its actually the exact opposite. Im a confidence coach because I know exactly what it feels like to have a Mean Girl in your mind, a voice that is sabotaging and judgemental of everything you do. I know what its like to look in the mirror and hate what you see. I know what its like to live in fear of what others might think. I know what its like to think, Youre not skinny enough, talented enough, skilled enough, creative enough. That was the narrative over and over again. For the longest time I fought to prove to myself and the people around me that I had something to offer. I was an over-achiever and a people-pleaser. I strived to be seen as the good girl because I thought, Theres nothing special about me, but at least I can make my parents proud by being good. I thought that was the best I could do.

I was wrong.

My wake-up moment happened when I discovered the world of personal growth thanks to my mum, who gave me a copy of 15 Laws of Growth by John Maxwell for my 21st birthday.

Now before I go any further, Id like to say there are actually two parts to my awakening, and Id be doing my faith a disservice if I didnt talk about the part spirituality played alongside the personal accountability I took in my growth. If youre not a spiritual person or you dont believe in God, thats fine, theres still something to learn from my personal story, so please stay with me and I promise not to shout, Repent or die! through a megaphone.

I was leaving a study room at university when a girl I was holding the door open for invited me to Bible study. Having grown up in a Christian home, Id been taught to believe that God existed, but Id never really felt a divine presence. I really wasnt up for Kumbaya, my Lord vibes then, but I was tired and they had my favourite snacks I entered the Bible study for the free food and left in tears full-on snotty-nosed sobbing.

What happened? I hear you asking. Well, after some very cringe-making singing, the guy who was leading the Bible study began to read out the following:

God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are a precious child to Him. When He created you, He said, You are good. He knows every hair on your head

A light bulb went on in my head.

Wow, so you mean when God sees me, all He sees is goodness?

How was it that the battle Id been silently fighting all those years was laid out bare in that unplanned moment? I couldnt explain it. But we all have moments when life gives us a wake-up call. Something happens that shakes us up and we begin to realise we want something different we want more.

That day truly made me start believing that I was created by God, Divine energy and if the Divine being that created me said I was good enough, then that was final! No ifs, no buts!

Faith might not be your thing, and I totally respect that choice, but you dont need to have divine intervention to wake up to the truth that you are good enough. That, my friend, is simply a gift you must give yourself.

I let my cup overflow and began to share my greatness with the world. Thats the Confident and Killing It effect.

And theres more. Since that day, Ive experienced the love, freedom, peace and joy that come from building your confidence. As I started to unlock better versions of myself, the energy that rose within me was too much to keep inside, so I let my cup overflow and began to share my greatness with the world. Thats the Confident and Killing It effect.

So what is Confident and Killing It? Its a movement, its an energy, a mindset, a way of life. Its waking people up to their worth so they can be confident, unstoppable and dare to live the life they truly desire.

How did it start? Back in 2016, I was volunteering as a youth leader and saw just how crushingly low the confidence levels were in the girls I mentored. I realised there was a generational cycle of low self-esteem in women and girls.

In the UK, studies show 61 per cent of 10 to 17-year-old girls have low self-esteem, while 7 in 10 girls believe that they are not good enough or dont measure up in some way, with the most common reasons being their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family. If nothing is done about it, insecure teenage girls grow up to become insecure women. Insecure women raise insecure daughters and so a generational cycle of low self-esteem in women and girls is repeated over and over again.

In 2011, the Institute of Leadership and Management in the UK surveyed British managers to see how confident they felt in their professions. Half the female respondents reported experiencing self-doubt related to their job performance and careers, compared with fewer than a third of male respondents.