Alan D. Wolfelt - Healing Your Grieving Heart When Someone You Care About Has Alzheimers: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends, and Caregivers

People think its a terrible tragedy when somebody has Alzheimers. But in my mothers case, its different. My mother has been unhappy all of her life. For the first time in her life, she is happy.

Amy Tan

Alzheimers disease affects each person uniquely. Generally it is a tragic disease, and the losses its victims and their friends and family suffer are tremendous.

We hope that this book has helped you acknowledge that when you care about someone who has been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimers disease, you suffer losses long before the persons death. These losses, like the disease itself, are ambiguous and progressive.

We grieve and we grieve and we grieve as we watch the inexorable progress of this brain-changing disease. As it advances, much of your treasured life together is lost, as the memories of your shared past get trapped in the faulty circuits of your loved ones brain.

On your journey through Alzheimers disease, we encourage you to recognize your losses, embrace your feelings about them, and outwardly mourn them in ways that are comfortable to you. You must let your grief out. Mourning allows the darkness of your internal grieving to come out into the light and be released from the depths of your soul. To emerge from the darkness of Alzheimers grief, you must mourn to enter the lightand to re-enter your life.

We also hope you are coming to see that to stay close to your loved one as her brain disease progresses, you must emphasize the abilities she retains and seek to join her, wherever she is. No one can stop this diseasenot the person affected, not science, not medicine, not you. Remember the words of Ronald Reagan, one of the most famous Alzheimers victims:

You know, people get frustrated because their loved ones who have Alzheimers, Oh, he doesnt recognize me anymore, how can I recognize this person, if they dont recognize me? Theyre not the same person. Well, they are the same person, but they have a brain disease. And it is not their fault they have this disease.

Your loved one truly is still the same person, but a disease is robbing him of the brain circuits that once made his life more complete. Now there are injuries and gaps in his functioning. But things will not be made better by dwelling on the gaps or the deterioration of behavior. Emphasize the positive and join him in art, in singing, in remembering the good times, in whatever he can still do. He is still the person you love.

Finally, invite hope into your journey through Alzheimers. No, there is no cure on the horizon for this devastating disease. But if you mourn your losses and move towards a life of meaning and purpose, your remaining days with your loved one can still be full of special moments, new memories, and even fulfillment in your relationship. Remember that your loved one still loves you. Love is not a function of the brain. It cannot be eliminated by a brain disease. Faulty chemicals and circuits in the brain cannot affect love. Love is in our hearts and in our souls. Love endures.

SEND US YOUR IDEAS FOR HEALING GRIEF CAUSED BY ALZHEIMERS

Wed love to hear your practical ideas forhealing your grieving heart when someone you care about has Alzheimers. We may use them in other books someday. Please jot down your idea and mail it to:

Center for Loss and Life Transition
3735 Broken Bow Road
Fort Collins, CO 80526
Or email us at DrWolfelt@centerforloss.com
or go to this website, www.centerforloss.com .

We hope to hear from you!

My idea:

My name and mailing address:

ALSO BY DR. ALAN WOLFELT AND DR. KIRBY DUVALL

Healing Your Grieving Body

100 Physical Practices for Mourners
by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D. and Kirby Duvall, M.D.

Dr. Wolfelt has teamed up with physician Kirby Duvall to pen this practical guide. Do you have muscle aches and pains, problems with eating and sleeping, low energy, headaches and other physical symptoms since the death of someone loved? When you are grieving, your body often lets you know it feels distressed, too. In fact, you may be shocked by how much your body responds to the impact of your loss. The mind-body connection in grief is profoundly strong, but taking care of your body in the 100 ways described in this new addition to our popular 100 Ideas series will help you soothe your body as you heal your heart and soul.

ISBN 978-1-879651-63-0 128 pages softcover $11.95

Healing After Job Loss

100 Practical Ideas
by Alan Wolfelt, Ph.D. and Kirby Duvall, M.D.

After job loss, it is normal and natural to struggle with challenging thoughts and feelings. Anger, anxiety, and depression are common. Self-esteem often suffers, and feelings of hopelessness and despair can take over. This book helps you understand your reaction to job loss and teaches you to explore your thoughts and feelings in ways that lead to healing.

ISBN 978-1-879651-69-2 128 pages softcover $11.95

All Dr. Wolfelts publications can be ordered by mail from:
Companion Press
3735 Broken Bow Road
Fort Collins, CO 80526
(970) 226-6050
www.centerforloss.com

GENTLY EMBRACE THE REALITY THAT YOUR LOVED ONE HAS DEMENTIA OR ALZHEIMERS

• For anyone experiencing the onset of dementiathe person affected as well as those who care about himthere is often an instinctual need to push away your new reality. You may be reluctant to consider Alzheimers or even use the A-word.
• Usually the onset of this disease is very subtle. Often only in retrospect do family members put the pieces together and recognize the diseases early symptoms.