Dr. Sidney B. Simon - Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life

Passage from Quotes by Harvey Jackins, published by Rational Island Publishers. Seattle, WA

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, copyright Portia Nelson, 1977, THERES A HOLE IN MY SIDEWALK, Beyond Words, Publishing, Inc., Hillsboro, OR.

Copyright 1990 by Dr. Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon

Produced by the Philip Lief Group, Inc.

All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

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First eBook Edition: November 2009

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ISBN: 978-0-446-57112-8

Its a simple truth that even the most begrudging grudge-holder must one day admit: hard feelings are often hardest on those who cannotor will notforgive. That is why those who have hurt us seem to have moved on, leaving us mired in our blame, anger, and bitterness. Until now.

In this much-needed antidote to the agony of repressed emotions, we learn to recognize forgiveness for what it is: not a sign of weakness but of profound emotional strength. And in the pages of this singular guide we discover the simple secret to making peace with the past: that only through the process of forgiving others can we ever truly forgive ourselves.

Explores an ingredient that is essential to spiritual growth. Sid and Suzanne Simon bring the rare combination of vitality and gentleness to the recovery field.

Stephanie S. Covington, Ph.D., L.C.S.W. author of Leaving the Enchanted Forest

Offers ordinary people like you and me the necessary strategies for letting go of our hurts. Forgiveness will be an experience you will treasure.

Rev. Leo Hoar, Ph.D. professor and campus minister, Springfield College

Unique and important. The Simons have translated an important psychological and religious concept into a practical program for enhancing human relationships and personal growth. Their work is moving, profound in its implications and universally applicable.

Dr. Howard Kirchenbaum senior fellow, The Sagamore Institute

Unfailingly convincing [a] knowledgeable, dispassionate look at the process of truly letting go.

Booklist

SIDNEY B. SIMON has authored or co-authored seventeen books, including the bestselling Values Clarification and Getting Unstuck. He has held the post of professor of psychological education at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst.

SUZANNE SIMON coordinates the Incest Survivors Support Group at the University of Massachusetts Every Womans Center. Together, through their popular forgiveness workshops, the Simons have helped thousands of people release the pain of unhealed wounds.

To my wife, Suzanne. In truth, there would be no book without her. It is her story, her pain and anguish, her courage, and her beauty that gave birth to the ideas in this book. She is a partners partner, a co-authors co-author, and a consummate reclaimer of life, a very model of what healing looks like and can be. I love her.

Sidney B. Simon

To my father, who gave me the reason to learn forgiveness; to my mother, who believed my story; my sister, who supported the healing of it; my brother, who spoke up about it; my daughter, who accepted me despite it; and to Sid, my loving husband, who always believed in me and knew that I could and would rise above it.

Suzanne Simon

The ideas presented in this book grew out of an on-going healing process that included the help, guidance, and support of many people in my life. I wish to acknowledge them now.

My sincere thank you and deep appreciation to Jeanette McIntosh, Latifa Amdur, Marion McIntire, Verena Smith, Payasa Tree, Stephanie Nurenburg, Joan Schneider, and Carol Drexlergifted women healers who, each in their own way, shared their inner wisdom and with their professional expertise guided, supported, comforted, and gently pushed me in all the right ways.

My heartfelt thanks to Trenda Caron, Laraine Pincus, Loretta Eazarsky, Robin Moulds, and Kim Kautz, friends who loved me through the hard times and celebrate now the joy I have found.

Thank you to my mother, sister, brother, daughter, and former mother-in-law. They all came through when I most needed them.

I offer the deepest and most tender appreciation to my sister. Without her invaluable support and love Id still be stuck in denial. She gave me the first inkling that I didnt have to go it alone, and she was there every single step of the way.

A special appreciation to my mother, who perhaps had the most to lose by the publication of this book, but who said, If our family experience can help even one other person, then it needs to be told. It already has, Mom.

I am eternally grateful to the many Survivors who struggle daily to free themselves from their own painful pasts. I celebrate their will to survive. They continue to be powerful role models for me.

And to Charlie Kreiner and Carol Drexler, a heartfelt appreciation for the on-going healing work we are doing. Their wisdom, skill, compassion, and vision keep me on the right track.

Suzanne Simon

Both of us wish to acknowledge John Simon, who did the very first editing of the manuscript, and who did it with tenderness, insightfulness, and impeccable skill. Susan Meltsner added immeasurably to this book. She came to a forgiveness workshop we gave and then waved her magic wand and art to shape the final book. Jamie Rothstein gave consistent wisdom and support in her editing. Cathy Hemming, that rustler in cowgirl clothes, always nourished and supported us. Joann Davis, our editor at Warner Books, never wavered in her belief and encouragement as to how powerful this book was to be.

We cant help but give acknowledgment to the Epson Computer Company, Wordperfect, the word processor of choice, and Don Lesser, our computer guru. This book comprises some of the first words we ever wrote on the computer, after years of typewriter drudgery. Our gratitude is boundless, especially since we never had a hard-disk crash or lost a single word of the manuscript due to any computer error or contrariness.

A heartfelt thanks to all those workshoppers who attended our many forgiveness workshops here in the United States, Europe, and Greece. From their experiences we honed our ideas, the developmental stages, and the theory presented in this book. Some of their stories illuminate the pages. Their spirit guided us throughout the writing. Their healing helped our own.

Finally, we owe an enormous debt to all five of our children. Each in their own way nudged, noodged, and snuggled us forward on this project. Thanks, John, Douglas, Julianna, Matthew, and Carie.