Linda Dillow - Trusting God with My What Ifs and Whys

Did you know there are spiritual diseases? Two of the deadliest are the if diseases, What If and If Only. These illnesses are fraternal twins, alike but not alike. Both lack the eyes of faith. What If looks to the future and worries about what God might allow. If Only looks to the past and grumbles about what God has given. The first leads to anxiety, the second to anger.

Darlene longed to have a child. After years of waiting, blonde, blue-eyed Amber was born. She was the perfect baby. She slept, nursed, and smiled. She was never sick, always agreeable. Angel Baby became her nickname.

As Amber grew, Darlene noticed that she seemed oblivious to others. It was as if Angel Baby lived in her own heavenly world. Amber underwent some long and agonizing testing that revealed she was autistic. Darlene and her husband went through a grieving process of understanding, accepting, and finally thanking God. Then they sought programs for autistic children.

Three years after Ambers birth, a brown-eyed boy joined the family. Seth was a real charmer, but was he normal? Questions stormed through Darlenes heart. I remember the day this dear, young woman looked at me and said, Linda, is it so wrong to want to have a normal child?

Seth was evaluated and the therapist said, Yes, its very possible that Seth is not normal, but we will have to wait and see.

How can one live with this kind of uncertainty, with this kind of pain? Oh God, What If Seth is not normal can I bear it? How do I wait months not knowing? How do I trust You in the midst of this dark tunnel? These were the cries of Darlenes heart. Years ago, I read a book called Journey into the Whirlwind, about a Russian woman who was imprisoned for thirteen years (six in solitary confinement) under Stalin. Her crime? She was a teacher. I was so stunned by a particular statement in her book that I copied it and put it in my file. She said that the most difficult time in her life

Waiting for the What Ifs of life, for what might happen, causes the sturdiest of hearts to be anxious. How did Darlene live with her huge What If about her son? How do you and I live with the What Ifs God allows in our lives? Darlene ended up looking at her situation through the eyes of faith. She also worked through a practical project to help her face her worst What If.

God was teaching Darlene new and deeper lessons about trusting Him. He was also teaching me. During a time of struggle with anxiety, God burned Jeremiah 17:5-8 into my heart:

Cursed is the man who trusts in mankind

And makes flesh his strength,

And whose heart turns away from the L ORD .

For he will be like a bush in the desert

And will not see when prosperity comes,

But will live in stony wastes in the wilderness,

A land of salt without inhabitant.

Blessed is the man who trusts in the L ORD

And whose trust is the L ORD .

For he will be like a tree planted by the water,

That extends its roots by a stream

And will not fear when the heat comes;

But its leaves will be green,

And it will not be anxious in a year of drought

Nor cease to yield fruit. ( NASB )

These verses present us with a contrast between a man who trusts in himself and another who not only trusts in the Lord but also makes Him his total trust.

First, lets look at the woman who makes flesh her strength. Surely this is not a picture of me or you we trust God! Or do we? When we turn to control, strategies, intelligence, and manipulation, we are trusting in ourselves. Instead of giving our anxious hearts to God, we handle the uncertainty of the What Ifs of life by employing one of the control tactics mentioned above and helping God out. Waiting is too hard, too painful, and God just works way too slow.

Whats the result? Disaster. We become like the tamarisk bush, spiritually dwarfed and with a dull, dry, lifeless appearance. Our hearts become a desert, and we do not enjoy the prosperity of the heart in communion with God. Our focus is on what we can do to get what we want rather than on how we can trust.

In contrast, lets consider the woman who makes the Lord her trust. This woman is vibrant and rich in peace. Her eyes are so focused on her Sovereign Lord that even in a year of continual problems, she stays green and continues to bear fruit. What a glorious picture! Green leaves throughout a year of drought? No anxiety? This is what we need!

During a three-year drought God allowed in my life, this passage in Jeremiah became my prayer:

Oh God, You know my tendency to try to control and help You out. I know that helping You out is what leads to an anxious heart. Forgive me. I dont want to trust in my own strength, in my strategies. I dont want to control or manipulate. Please, God, teach me what it means to not only trust You but also make You my total trust. I long to become that blessed woman whose roots are planted deep by Your river. As the heat of the trials increase, I long to trust instead of fear, to be content instead of anxious. Please keep my eyes focused on You so that my leaves will stay green and fruit will be produced in the midst of the