John Abraham - How to Get the Death You Want: A Practical and Moral Guide

John Abraham's huge experience with end-of-life issues makes this book a veritable encyclopedia of the subject. There isn't any aspect which he had not come across, thus addressed here are all the quirky and remote matters that tend to crop up at the close of life's journey. The book is a clear and fast read, provocative and informative.

Derek Humphry, founder of the Hemlock Society, author of Final Exit

Whatever your opinions on the right-to-die movement, this is a book you must have in your library. It will help you unlock the complexities of this controversial subject with a treasure trove of creative insights and practical understanding. Provocative, evocative, and fearless, yet it is very readable with John Abrahams warmth and humor. Highly recommended!

Rabbi Earl A. Grollman, DHL, DD, Author of Living When a Loved One has Died and numerous other bestselling books on death, grieving, and related topics

Many people do not want to talk about death for a single minute. John has been talking about it, studying it, and writing about it for forty-five years. He knows the subject. In those forty-five years (and I have known John for all forty-five of them) his knowledge has evolved and his passion has grown in a particular direction: wanting all of us to have just as much freedom in dying as we have in living. This, his latest publication, shows us, with all of Johns knowledge and all of his passion, how we can have that freedom. If you want such freedom, you need to read this book and study it.

Douglas Smith, M.Div., M.A., M.S., author of The Tao of Dying and The Complete Book of Counseling the Dying and the Grieving

Any who are nearing the end of life, or who have loved ones with illnesses that may soon end their life, will find a wealth of information in this book. John Abraham brings such practical advice, written in accessible language, to the subject of preparing for dying. His decades of experience as a counselor to those near the end of life, supported by his actually having been with some who chose their own time of dying, makes the information he provides credible and valuable.

Richard MacDonald, M.D., Medical Director, Hemlock Society, 19932004; Senior Medical Adviser, Final Exit Network, 20052015; President, World Federation of Right To Die Societies, 20002002

Episcopal Priest John L. Abraham has never shied away from controversy. During his years of innovative hospice practices and caring for the dying, he has too often witnessed unwilling patients being forced to go along with doctors who only prolonged their patients suffering. This inspired him to speak up for a death with dignity for those who chose not to artificially prolong their painful and hopeless situation.

Abraham has written this book about his experiences and it includes horror stories of those who did not get the death they wanted, and describes his efforts both inside and outside the clergy to ensure that government and health professionals listen to the wishes of those who choose a hastened death.

This book is not for the faint of heart. Abraham does not mince words when describing what he has witnessed.

And he gives detailed lists on what to do when dealing with family members, friends, clergy and medical professionals who may not share the readers personal choices in their manner of dying. The book also has very helpful lists that will prove useful to anyone who ever has to plan a funeral or settle an estate.

How to Get the Death You Want also explores physician aid in dying in the American states that now allow this, along with the more enlightened European countries who have less stringent requirements than the U.S. It truly is the ultimate how to book for the one process that all of us will one day go through. And it explains in a factual, logical and very clear and direct way the reasons why some of us join right-to-die organizations such as Hemlock, Compassion & Choices and Final Exit Network.

Regardless of the reader's position on physician aid in dying, the various lists it contains by themselves make this a worthwhile book to own and read, even if only used to ensure that you are treated the way you want during a hospital or nursing home stay.

Rene Neumann, Final Exit Network member, Tucson, Arizona

Freedom of choice, and the right to control ones own body, continue to be among the greatest struggles of our time. In this book, John Abraham strongly advocates for the right of people to choose a dignified and pain-free ending to the relentless suffering that so often turns the end of life into a prolonged nightmare. Importantly, he gives individuals, and their advocates, the information and tools they will need to navigate the legal and medical systems, and achieve that goal.

Lisa Carlson, executive director, Funeral Ethics Organization, co-author of Final Rights: Reclaiming the American Way of Death

HOW TO GET THE DEATH YOU WANT

Opinions expressed in this book are those of the author, not reviewed for endorsement by any of the organizations referred to in the book or by the publisher, Upper Access Books. Legal and factual information has been carefully researched but cannot be guaranteed and cannot substitute for consultation with a lawyer, physician, or other expert who is knowledgeable about your specific circumstances.

Upper Access titles are available at special discounts for bulk purchases. Please contact the publisher to inquire. For such inquiries, contact Steve Carlson, steve@upperaccess.com, or 802-482-2988

A Practical and Moral Guide

John Abraham

Published by Upper Access Books

87 Upper Access Road, Hinesburg, Vermont 05461

(802) 482-2988 http://www.upperaccess.com

Copyright 2017 John Abraham

All rights reserved. Brief quotations for review or analysis are welcomed, as long as full attribution is included. For permission for longer quotations or other use, contact the publisher.

Quoted works are copyrighted in the names of their quoted authors or other owners of the copyrights. Candle photo copyright Prazis-123RF Stock Photo. Author photo by Paul C. Abraham. All other photos and graphics owned by the author unless otherwise identified.

Design of cover and interior layout by Kitty Werner.

E-Book ISBN: 978-0-942679-43-4

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Names: Abraham, John (Episcopal priest), author.

Title: How to get the death you want : a practical and moral guide / John Abraham.

Description: Hinesburg, Vermont : Upper Access Books, [2017] | Includes bibliographical references.

Identifiers: LCCN 2016046550 | ISBN 9780942679403 (alk. paper)

Subjects: LCSH: Terminally ill. | Terminal care. | Thanatology.

Classification: LCC R726.8 .A27 2017 | DDC 616.02/9--dc23 LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2016046550

Printed on acid-free paper in the United States of America

17 / 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Throughout my four decades of teaching death education, one salient factor stands out: I have learned far more than I ever taught. To my students, fellow supporters in the right-to-die movement (especially members of Final Exit Network), participants in my various workshops and classes, I am most grateful.

The dead teach this great lesson, which we are loathe to learn: we too will die.

John Updike

And I am grateful to others who have supported me, inspired me, encouraged me to take risks, and helped me to think outside the box. (Yes, I am a card-carrying member of The Giraffe Society for those who stick their necks out.) A few who come to mind over the years are my parents, Maurice and Joan Abraham; The Reverend Doug Smith; The Right Reverend John Walker, Bishop of Washington, D.C.; The Reverend Jo Tartt, Jr.; Rabbi Earl Grollman; The Reverend John Fletcher; The Reverend Bill Wendt; and Derek Humphry. And it was the Bishop of Atlanta, The Right Reverend Bennett Sims, who when I consulted him about my having some conflict difficulties with a congregation assured me: There is always hope. People die.