Barb Rogers - Clutter Junkie No More: Stepping Up to Recovery

First published in 2007 by Conari Press,

an imprint of Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

With offices at:

500 Third Street, Suite 230

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2007 by Barb Rogers. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

ISBN 10: 1-57324-288-8

ISBN 13: 978-1-57324-288-2

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Rogers, Barb, 1947

Clutter junkie no more : stepping up to recovery / Barb Rogers.

p. cm.

ISBN 1-57324-288-8 (alk. paper)

1. SimplicityReligious aspects. 2. Self-help techniques.

3. Twelve-step programs. I. Title.

BJ1496.R64 2007

648.8dc22

2006021361

Cover and text design by rlf design

Typeset in Dante MT

Printed in Canada

TCP

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

I would like to dedicate this book to my friend Donna Gordon. Donna, you were my inspiration and my angel with research. My life would have a great empty spot if it weren't for you and your fur babies, Nikki and Calvin. My love and thanks for everything.

To my husband, Tommy Rogers, Jr., who is my rock. You truly know what it is to give unconditional love, and show it in so many ways. Thank you for helping my dreams come true. I will love you forever.

To my dogs, Georgie and Sammi, who love me even when I'm at my worst. You have brought me so much joy and filled my heart with love.

To my family, friends, and those friends of Bill who have loved and supported me in all my endeavors. You are always in my mind and my heart.

1. We admitted we were powerless over clutter, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our short-comings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood God, praying only for the knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

(Adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous)

I'm overwhelmed, is the daily cry of true clutter junkies, everywhere. Shame and despair haunt their days as they wonder why they aren't like other people. They believe that some day, some way, if they could just get their mess cleaned up, the problem would be solved... they would be normal. Life becomes a treadmill of purchasing organizational materials, hiring a cleaning person, or taking an entire week and nearly working themselves to death, only to realize within a short time, they are right back where they started.

Other people, who don't suffer from an addiction to clutter, do not understand. Judgments can be harsh. Why can't they just clean up their mess? Are they lazy? How hard can it be? The rest of us clean up our own messes. How can they live like that? In truth, such people might as well say to an alcoholic, Why don't you just stop drinking? Don't you think they would if they could? Like any other addiction, the clutter is but a symptom of underlying problems.

People with eating disorders are seeking control in a world they consider out of their control. The alcoholic and drug addict escape reality and feelings by altering their minds. Gambling addicts escape life problems as they sit mesmerized by gambling machines, cards, lottery tickets, waiting for the rush of winning. What is the payoff for the clutter junkie? As long as they remain overwhelmed, they don't have to live life, move forward, and they always have an excuse.

Many clutter junkies will take on extra work, volunteer for nonprofit organizations, go out of their way to do for others, to avoid their problem, to have an excuse for staying overwhelmed. They believe they will feel better about not getting their mess cleaned up if they have a good reason. However, that is just a Band-Aid on a gushing wound.

Clutter is a wall constructed bit by bit to keep the world out. However, as with other addictions, it becomes the prison that keeps the addict in. Therefore, in looking for a solution to clutter addiction, the addict must take the wall down bit by bit. It didn't get built overnight, and it won't go away overnight. It will take time. It will take a conscious effort. It will take walking through the fear that keeps the clutter junkie's life a mess.

For over twenty years, while in recovery from my own addictions, I've had the opportunity to work with others. I discovered that many addicts have a tendency to move from one addiction to another in a futile effort to fill those holes in themselves that brought them to addiction in the first place. One of those holes is the feeling of helplessness and being out of control of their lives. The new addiction takes them back to a more comfortable place... a place where they feel at least in control of one thing in their life, even if it's unhealthy.

One woman, who I know well, even after twenty years of recovery from alcoholism, experienced a traumatic event that would forever change her life. She knew she couldn't drink, feared drug addiction, but her life was spiraling out of control. The addict inside cried out for control. And so the shopping began, and was soon followed by clutter. Within a few months, this lovely woman, a person who had elegant dinner parties at her house, who loved to entertain, built a nest at the end of her couch, surrounded by a wall of clutter that kept others, and the world, out. She felt safe.

Nesting is a common habit of clutter addicts. It doesn't matter if it's one end of the couch, a special comfortable chair, or a cleared-off spot on the bed. It's that safe place they go when they are in avoidance, or fear, of life and problems.

Like the gambler who is drawn back to the same gambling machine or poker table, the alcoholic who re-turns over and over to the same bar, the same stool, or the overeater who has a special place to stash their com-fort food, the clutterer will return to the nest. Every-thing they need is close at hand: the telephone, snacks, tissues, an ashtray, the television remote, a place to set their drink. Hours may pass as they ponder what they want to get done, how they will go about it, or what they need to purchase to help them get organized.

Many clutterers are obsessed with books, tapes, and television shows about how to get organized, how to decorate their living spaces. They may even order many gadgets to make it easier, only to discover that the gadgets don't work for them. The gadgets, tapes, and books simply become a part of the clutter wall. While still in avoidance, they tell themselves the darn thing just didn't work.