Barb Rogers - Addiction & Grief: Letting Go of Fear, Anger, and Addiction

Barb Rogers knew grief, inside and out. How lucky for all the readers of her many books that she left us with this last one. Grieving is a natural state of life, and Rogers shares with clarity what it looks like and how to grow beyond it. She knew the path well. Now it's our turn to grieve her loss.

Karen Casey, author of Change Your Mind and Your Life will Follow

Barb Rogers left us a wonder-filled testament on how healing and transforming emotions allows us to celebrate the fullness of life.

Mary Cook, MA, RAS, author of Grace Lost and Found: From Addictions and Compulsions to Satisfaction and Serenity

Barb Rogers has left us many wonderful gifts, and this book is clearly one of the most valuable. Those of us suffering from addiction never learned how to cope with feelings, especially feelings of loss, disappointment, and grief. Our solution was to avoid our pain by numbing our feelings. This was self-destructive. In Addiction and Grief, Barb guides us on a journey of self-discovery that teaches us healthier ways of coping with these painful feelings. Please read this book; it will help you find emotional sobriety and strengthen your recovery program. Barb, you will be missed but will live on in our hearts in your wonderful writings.

Allen Berger, PhD, psychologist and author of 12 Stupid Things That Mess Up Recovery and 12 Smart Things to Do When the Booze and Drugs are Gone

Much of recovery is about dealing with loss. Addicts drink, gamble, and drug away the most precious things life has to offer while in their disease and then need to come to terms with all the destruction they've caused in sobriety. In this marvelous book, Barb Rogers offers gentle insight into the roots of this grief and provides clear tools for airing out the past misdeeds and going forward into the sunshine. A must read for anyone interested in quality recovery.

Elizabeth Engstrom, author of York's Moon

This book is a practical touchstone in the often shadowy world of ancient fears that silently haunt the recovered life. Hold it closely.

William Alexander, author of Ordinary Recovery: Mindfulness, Addiction, and the Path of Lifelong Sobriety

Barb Rogers says, Grief is the last stronghold of addicts. She encourages the reader to face their fear, deal with the anger, and heal the grief. Rogers passionately shares her personal journey through her own lifetime of losses and grief which eventually led her to true inner peace. Thank you, Barb Rogers, for leaving our planet with such a wise and empowering book!

Barbara Joy, author of Easy Does It, Mom and Moms to Moms: Parenting Wisdom from Moms in Recovery

If I Die Before I Wake: A Memoir of Drinking and Recovery

Clutter No More: 12 Steps to Freeing Your Life from Your Stuff

12 Steps That Can Save Your Life: Real-Life Stories from People Who Are Walking the Walk

Keep It Simple and Sane: Freeing Yourself from Addictive Thinking

Clutter Junkie No More: Stepping Up to Recovery

Costumes, Accessories, Props, and Stage Illusions Made Easy

Twenty-Five Words: How the Serenity Prayer Can Save Your Life

Pray for Today (Just Try This)

Simply Happy Every Day (Just Try This)

Feng Shui in a Day (Just Try This)

Mystic Glyphs: An Oracle Based on Native American Symbols

Instant Period Costumes: How to Make Classic Costumes from Cast-Off Clothing

Costuming Made Easy: How to Make Theatrical Costumes from Cast-Off Clothing

First published in 2011 by

Conari Press, an imprint of

Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC

665 Third Street, Suite 400

San Francisco, CA 94107

www.redwheelweiser.com

Copyright 2011 by Barb Rogers

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from Red Wheel/Weiser, LLC. Reviewers may quote brief passages.

ISBN: 978-1-57324-516-6

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.

Cover design by Jim Warner

Cover photograph: Fog over a lake at sunrise, Scott Lake, Willamette National Forest, Oregon, USA. Copyright Don Paulson Photography/Purestock/SuperStock

Typeset by Stan Info

Printed in the United States of America

MAL

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

The paper used in this publication meets the minimum requirements of the American National Standard for Information SciencesPermanence of Paper for Printed Library Materials Z39.48-1992 (R1997).

Barb Rogers, with whom we published several books, died suddenly in early 2011 as this book was being edited. Over the years, Barb became a friend as well as a colleague. Her ready humor and big heart were evident in her interactions with all of us.

In this book, Barb wrote, You never know how much time you have on this earth, so don't let the moments slip by as you agonize over past experiences or fantasize about tomorrow. This moment and this day are yours, and what you do with them is your choice.

Barb, may this gift you've left behind move people to make the choices to leave grief, fear, and anger in the past and live fully in the present, one day at a time. We are grateful and proud to be publishing this book.

Jan Johnson, Publisher, Conari Press

In memory of my brother-in-law, Don Rogers of Wrights Corner, Illinois, who will be remembered for his big heart, gentle nature, and absolutely wicked sense of humor. He will be missed by all who loved him. And to Calvin Gordon, the miracle dog we nearly lost this year, and his lovely companion, the lovely Nikki.

My gratitude to Jan Johnson, Michael Kerber, and the entire staff of Red Wheel/Weiser Books and Conari Press for giving me the opportunity to do what I love. For every person whose life is touched by one of my books, it is your hands that make it possible.

To all the friends of Bill W. who are too many to name that have crossed through my life, leaving their bits of wisdom that I might have the life I have today, I thank you.

A special thank you to Armondo Casas of Congress, Arizona, who, through my challenge with physical problems over the past few years, has been my inspiration. I have watched in awe as you handled your own problems with grace and dignity, and it gave me hope. And, to Dr. William Firth, my absolutely favorite doctor and my friend.

I could not have gotten through this last year without the help of Susie Tibbets, Julie Pedersen, and Donna Gordon, who gave time out of their lives to be of service. And thank you to all those who sent cards and letters, and especially prayers, for my recovery. I will be forever grateful.

And, always to my husband Tom and our two dogs, Blaze and Lucky, who complete my life and bring me joy every day, who have shown me what it means to dance on life.

The days drag by, every hour a struggle. But it's the nights I dread most. Exhausted, I lie in my bed, but sleep won't come. My friend is gonethe friend who got me through all the bad times, who was there for me whenever I needed help. Tears run down the sides of my face. Great sobs rack my body. How am I supposed to stop thinking about what happenedall that happened? Will I survive this without the help of my friend?