John, you dont look well, Matthew told his friend. They have been officemates for eight years now, and Matthew thought he knew his friend well enough to see something was wrong.
Its nothing, John brushed off. The Coleman deal just came through and we need to meet tight deadlines by the end of the month. I am OK, John assured his friend.
Im sorry if Im going to be the one to say this. But as your friend and officemate, I have to tell you this. The past two weeks, youve been coming to work really late. People have been noticing the smell of alcohol on you the moment you step into the room. Your cubicle is a mess. And your supervisor has called you out several times for substandard reports youve submitted. John, whats wrong? Mathew could be tough and he felt John needed some real dressing down.
I told you, its nothing, John raised his voice. Youre not my mother to lecture me about being sober. Im just having a rough time, thats all, John dismissed.
I know its not my place, but does this have something to do with the breakup? Matthew asked tentatively. An awkward silence ensued. Most people in the office knew about Johns split with his fiance, but nobody could ever bring it up front. There were rumors that a richer guy snatched Johns girl, but nobody could confirm it. Matthew knew he pressed the right buttons because a clearly agitated John glared at him.
Its none of your business, bud. Stay off my case, John said threateningly.
Sure, your affairs are completely private. But when your work is severely compromised, your garbage becomes the offices business. Look John, you can always talk to me as your friend. I worry about you. But I cant help you if youre going to brush me off all the time. If this work still means anything to you, please shape up, advised Matthew.
Thanks, bud. I appreciate your efforts. I just dont know what is happening to me anymore. I feel so lost, conceded John.
Have you ever been in a situation where things are spiraling beyond your control? Have you felt so lost and unable to handle overwhelming stress that keeps piling up? Are there times when you experience being so unsure of yourself that you constantly doubt your self-worth?
Mens mental health has only been recently recognized, thanks to the growing consciousness of the reality of mental health. With the advances in diagnostic tools and accessible information on mental health, we see an increasing trend in the prevalence of these disorders. In 2019, the World Health Organization reported that nearly one in five adults in the United States suffers from a mental illness. Strangely enough, the discussion on mens mental health seemed to pick up a slower traction compared to womens health.
The under-recognition of mens mental health has a lot to do with powerful stereotypes that dominate our society. The idea of the macho man continues to be the standard men have to live up to. Men are thought of as strong and independent, able to handle all sorts of stress. The stereotype foolishly even goes as far as claiming that men are impervious to any mental health disorder. Symptoms like anxiety or depression are ignored as minor inconveniences or worse, weaknesses in character.
To all these foolish claims, the United States Center for Disease Control noted that in 2019, the suicide rate in males was 3.7 times higher than females, equivalent to 22.4 per 100,000 people. Mental health disorders can be called the silent killer of men. Because of the stigma that goes with mental health, men are afraid to recognize that they may be suffering from it. Poor health-seeking behavior leads to chronic and therapy-resistant conditions. Men will try to endure the inner suffering for as long as they can. When the amount of stress becomes overwhelming, the pressure pushes men to snap.
You may know someone who is at that point of snapping. You, yourself, may have reached that point of despair and hopelessness. You may know fathers, brothers, uncles, or friends who seem lost and drowning in their many problems. This book is for all men who are suffering silently. Anxiety and depression can be quite isolating. This book recognizes the terrible burden men carry as a consequence of our egoism.
Self-awareness is the doorway to achieving stronger mental health for men. Hatami et al. (2016) described it as the ability to perceive aspects of our own motivations, emotions, and behavior. Self-awareness makes us conscious of our thoughts, emotions, and actions. People who suffer from various mental health disorders have poor awareness of how the external world is affecting them. When we lack self-awareness, we are swept by overwhelming stress and enact decisions that we may regret. In our anecdote at the beginning of this book, we see how John spirals into destructive behaviors after encountering a major life stressor like a breakup. John may have felt so depressed and angry at what happened to him. This causes him to do poorly at work and even to take up drinking. John showed poor coping mechanisms as a reaction to negative life events.