Michael Bernoff - Average Sucks: Why You Dont Get What You Want (And What to Do About It)

Ill never forget the feeling in my stomach when I saw the varsity hockey roster, and my name wasnt on it.

I can still smell that mix of sweat and ice at the rink as I searched the list for my name againand again, double - checking myself just in case those awful fluorescent lights were playing tricks on my eyes.

This had to be a mistake. Obviously this was a mistake.

Except it wasnt.

The coaches felt I just wasnt good enough for varsity.

I played it cool but inside I was mortified. If there was a way I could have melted into the walls I would have, but nope, I had to look at my friends that did make the team and say Congrats, man, good job, and keep my shit together. I made it through the bus ride home, but once I walked in my front door, I let loose. I got angry, I was throwing things, shedding tearsall because I didnt make the varsity hockey team.

I was so confused. Hockey was my thing! I loved hockey as a kid, playing every chance I could get ice time, begging my dad to drive me to the rink at all kinds of odd hours. I played street hockey when I couldnt get on the ice and I worked my butt off to get good, and I was pretty decent. I felt I was just as good as many of the guys that did make the team and there was no way I could understand what happened. I stared at my ceiling all night trying to make sense of it and just got angrier with every tick of the clock.

Eventually I cooled off long enough to go talk to the coaches, and they were honest: they thought I could be a really good player, and that I was basically good enough to play varsity, but that I was totally underperforming my potential. They thought I was holding back and hesitant. Since I was only a freshman, they wanted to give me the motivation to really improve and come back next year really ready.

That was all I needed to hear. My strategy to get on the varsity team was to work hard, and so I did. That was what my parents always taught me. Work hard and push hard if you want to be great.

I spent the next year working harder than Id ever worked, pushing myself past my old limits, and doing all the right things. I trained as hard as anybody else. I worked as hard. I went to all the right clinics. I practiced endlessly to get better.

And I did get better. The next year I even made the varsity. And I played on the varsity for three years, until I graduated.

But as cool as that was for me, the reality is: I was still pretty average. I worked really hard, but I got average results for my entire varsity hockey career. I never excelled. If you saw the effort I was putting in, you wouldve thought Id be way better than I was.

There isnt a happy ending here.

I was just an average high school hockey player.

The most painful part is that I should have been really good at hockey . I had everything I needed to be a really good hockey player. I was 66. I was a good athlete. I was tough. I had good hands. I could even skate well.

But, I was just average.

I made a lot of good plays on the ice, but I never scored goals, and as a forward, well, that was how my position was judgedby goal scoring.

So I never made any fancy travel teams or all - star teams. And because of this, I never moved on to play college hockey, or anything more than that. The idea of that never even occurred to me because it wasnt something I thought was possible for me. Never even hit my radar.

I promise this is not a story about some guy who cant get past his high school glory days (this is a story thats about you, and youll see why in a second).

Fast - forward twenty years. Im way past my physical prime, but I play in a mens hockey league. Many of the guys in my league played at some collegiate or professional level. They are really good players, even better than the kids I played against back in high school.

The high school me would have been intimidated in this leaguebut Im not because in this league Im really good. I score two to three goals a game on average.

And Ive been doing that for three years.

Understandeven playing against average goalies, it is really hard to score a goal in hockey. To get two or three a game consistently is almost unheard of.

But I do it. Now, Im a sniper. I got two goals again this morning. I just pick the shot I want, and I get a few in the net almost every game.

How did this happen? How did I go from being just average in high school, to being a very good player twenty years later on the dads league where the only girls were talking about in the locker room are our cute little daughters?

Did I go into an intense hockey training regimen? Maybe I really dug in, practiced and trained, and sharpened those skills I didnt work on in high school?

Be serious. Not even close. I havent practiced hockey on any real basis since high school.

OK, then it had to be a serious strength training and fitness regime, plus a nutritional plan, maybe some other neat tricks of expensive trainers that turned me into a physical machine?

Come on. I like occasional sweets and sushi way too much, and I pick up weights here and there, yet nothing like hitting the gym in high school.

In fact, there is only ONE thing that changed in my whole body, and that has made all the difference:

My mindset.

You see, what happens in your life either confirms who you are, or it changes you. And I finally got my moment and stopped confirming, and started changing.

Heres how it worked:

When I first started playing in mens leagues, I still just showed up as an average player. I did a solid job, was a fun person, played average. I wasnt remarkable on the ice in any wayI was just one of the guys that came out on Thursday nights; sometimes wed win and sometimes not. Back then I would score a goal once a season (maybe).

Then one day I thought to myself, How come I dont score goals?

I asked myself the same kind of questions I would ask my clients to help them work through business problems, finance problems, or relationship issues. I had this conversation with myself:

New Michael: How come I dont score goals?

Old Michael: Well, Ive never been a goal scorer before.

New Michael: Well, why not?

Old Michael: I guess I never actually attempted to be one.

New Michael: Well, are you good enough to be a goal scorer?

Old Michael: Yeah, I think so.

New Michael: Well, dudewhat if you started trying to be a goal scorer? What would happen then?

Old Michael: I dont know. Im not sure I know how to be a goal scorer. Ive never done it before.

New Michael: Wellwhat if you pretended to be Jack?

Old Michael: I could do that. Lets give it a try.

OK, this Jack was a kid I went to hockey camp with, who was the best goal scorer I ever played with. Now he was a remarkable player. He was magic. It was so easy for him to put that puck in the net and I remember being in complete awe; it seemed like every time he took a shot, it went in.

So the next shift, I literally pretended to be Jack. I thought the way I thought he would think, moved the way I thought he would move and acted the way I thought he would act.