Christy English - Living With Joy

All of us have pain. We have all had our hearts broken. Though over the last year and more, we have faced challenges because of COVID-19, this new disease is not what has broken most of us. We were broken already.

Most of us have lost a loved one to death, lost a cherished lover to a breakup, gone through a divorce, or watched as a child we love hurt themselves, making terrible and painful choices. Long ago, some of us had our hearts broken by the loss of dreams, by the loss of our best selvesthe selves we only managed to glimpse when we were very young.

I say that there is a way, in spite of our pain, our losses, and our broken hearts, to find our best selves again. To begin to build who we are now into who we want to be, one brick at a time. To move down the road to who we truly are, one step at a time.

One way to do this is to look for Joy.

Joy is the thing many people search for, but few believe exists. And yet most of us have felt it, if only for a fleeting moment. The touch of a lovers hand, the smile of our favorite child, the way the sunlight hits the ocean as we stand beside it. These are mere descriptions meant to bring into your mind a time when you might have felt that elusive and all-encompassing delight that Joy brings.

Joy is ephemeral. Joy cannot be defined or taught. Joy is something that each of us must seek for ourselves, if we choose.

Some would rather plumb the depths of the ocean for the lost continent of Atlantis than even ask the question, What brings me Joy? Understandably so, for a lost continent might bring wealth or riches or fame. Joy brings only itself.

So lets try a thought experiment to see if you can remember what Joy felt like when you were a child. Imagine yourself in the safest place of your childhood. You are the only one who knows the answer to this, so take a moment to look inside your heart or your mind to find the right memory. Was your safe place in your bedroom, with a book, tucked under a warm cover? (That is still my safe place, even now.)

Was it flying down a hill on your bike, the wind in your face, drawing a smile and a laugh from your belly?

Was it next to a favorite uncle or grandmother as they taught you something you still remember today? How to bake bread, sew a hem, or fix something that was broken?

Was it sitting alone under a tree, looking at the sky and the branches above your head?

Was it running in a game with a friend or sister, laughing and losing your breath?

Was it the taste of icing from a birthday cake a loved one baked for you, sealing her love inside it?

Was it the moment you first learned to do something on your own? Pump your legs to allow yourself to move your own swing? (This was mine, when I was two. I worked all afternoon to master the skill, and I still remember the sense of delight and triumph it brought me. I still love to play on a swing set.)

Maybe it was the moment you learned to peddle your bike without falling? Or when you ran faster than anyone could catch you?

Only you know the moment in your childhood that made you the happiest. If you can, think of that moment. You dont have to pressure yourself to find the Joy right away. Just delve into your memory and see what treasure lies there.

I am going to be honest. This thought exercise may not work the first time. If may not work the fifth. But I encourage you to continue to attempt it until you find the one memory that lightens your heart a little, that reminds you of what it was like to be happy.

Purely happy, unconnected to anyone else. Not happy because of your children, or your wife, or your husband, or your mom, or your dad. Happiness that began and ended in you. In your own moment of bliss, in your own certainty, however fleeting, when you felt that the world is a beautiful place, and you belong in it.

You may never have had such a moment. I honor your truth. If you cannot find a memory that moves you to smile, that reminds you of what it feels to have a light heart, ask yourself if you want to know what happiness feels like.

I suspect you do, since you were drawn to pick up this book. This book is short, so I ask that you hang in with me to the end. You may find a glimpse of happiness as we work together, as you read and embrace the words I have to say, the guidance I have to give.

But I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that if you were drawn to this book, you want Joy in your life. And if you cant find the path to it here, I pray that you will find it somewhere. A glimpse is all you need to beginin an old movie or a favorite song or in the face of a friend who loves you. I make this prayer for all who hold this book, for all who read it on their screen, whether you keep reading or not. I bless you and your path, either way. May you find a glimpse of happiness, here or elsewhere, and may that glimpse, that moment, lead to Joy.

So let me define my terms. It is almost impossible for such a personal thing like Joy to be defined, but I am going to try.

Joy is a lightening of the heart that leads to more and more Light. Joy is laughter that comes from the belly. Laughter not at anothers expense, but in a moment of pure fun and lightness.

Joy is warm sunshine on your face. Joy is the wind in your hair. Joy is the top of a mountain peak after a long climb, a cool drink of water in the heat of summer. Joy is the sound of the ocean, the flight of a falcon, the glimpse of freedom that can come in this moment, in any moment, to remind you that you are alive, and that life is beautiful. Even your life. Especially your life.

Come with me into the next stage, and I pray that you will begin to see that even your life, especially your life, can be filled with Joy.

Joy is found within you.

I know you have heard that before. Perhaps you have heard it and wondered, If Joy lies within me, why have I never seen it? Or you think, If it lies within me, then it is an illusion, because I have never felt it.

I sympathize with this position. I, too, have had times in my life when I was lost in a desert, a wilderness of dry stone, and Joy was a faint and distant memory. Some people live in that wilderness. Perhaps, if you live there most of the time, this book might show you one path out.

But let us talk about where Joy is, rather than where it is not.

Joy is in your soul. It may be dormant, it may be silent, you might not have felt that song of life rise inside you in any memory that you can call to mind, but it is there, waiting to be seen, waiting to flow into your life like a river that never runs dry.

So how do you tap into that river? Especially when you doubt that the river of Joy, the Song of Life, even exists?

It is not enough to read the words that I write to find the Joy that lives inside you. A few people who are familiar with Joy might find it from reading about it, but most people wont.