Lily Burana - Grace for Amateurs: Field Notes on a Journey Back to Faith

PRAISE FOR GRACE FOR AMATEURS

Grace for Amateurs is that rare Christian book packed with humor, depth, kindness, intelligence, and inclusion. If you yearn to return to the heart of faithboundless, agenda-less lovesit down with Burana. Shell make you laugh and restore your hope.

GLENNON DOYLE

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING AUTHOR OF

LOVE WARRIOR AND CARRY ON, WARRIOR

The real miracle of Grace for Amateurs is that, somehow, Lily Burana manages to write about finding God without coming across as annoying, delusional, or holier-than-thou. She conjures a God who loves you at your absolute worst, a God who rewards you just for showing up and tryingeven through heartache, even through doubt, even through frustration and tears. Buranas version of grace is not a moment of blinding light; its a simple, stubborn insistence on believing, against all odds, in the transformative power of giving your love freely and treating what you already have as precious. Hers is an addictive, poetic, and deeply moving book about the long, slow walk toward peace and gratitude, and how even a humble mess like you might take that first step.

HEATHER HAVRILESKY

ASK POLLY ADVICE COLUMNIST AND AUTHOR OF HOW TO BE A

PERSON IN THE WORLD AND DISASTER PREPAREDNESS

Generous, humorous, lyrical, humane. A handbook on how to see yourself as a lily of the field, as a sparrow, as a part of the world that God so loved.

PATRICIA LOCKWOOD

AUTHOR OF PRIESTDADDY

Marrying heart with humor, and more than a little fire, Grace for Amateurs is a soul-baring book of spiritual renewal that will resonate with anyone who has found themselves angry, lost, or just plain bewildered about life. A righteous survival guide that broadens the meaning of true devotion.

JILL SOLOWAY

DIRECTOR OF TRANSPARENT

A religious book for people who would never be caught dead buying a religious book. Lily Burana brings her wit, warmth, and rebellious spirit to some of the deepest questions we face. Her stories are a powerful reminder of our human need for mysteryand glitter.

SARAH HEPOLA

AUTHOR OF THE NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLING

BLACKOUT: REMEMBERING THE THINGS I DRANK TO FORGET

I. Love. This. Book. So. Much. Grace for Amateurs is a stealth dive into the chaotic, salvific blend of sacred and profane that is the essence of Christian faith. I say stealth because it is so smart, so unflinchingly honest, and so snort-your-wine funny that youll forget this is a users manual. Anyone hoping to walk a path of faith with authenticity, courage, and wicked good humor should tuck Lily Buranas new book into their knapsack.

REV. LIZ EDMAN

AUTHOR OF QUEER VIRTUE: WHAT LGBTQ PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT

LIFE AND LOVE AND HOW IT CAN REVITALIZE CHRISTIANITY

In Grace for Amateurs, Lily Burana reflects on the grit and glitter of our lives. Each page reminds us that God visits through soaring birds, dark costumes, and imperfect mothers. Most of all, Buranas words whisper that we must pay attention to this achingly beautiful world.

CAROL HOWARD MERRITT

PASTOR AND AUTHOR OF HEALING SPIRITUAL WOUNDS

Lily Buranas lovely Grace for Amateurs reminds usmuch as Anne Lamott doesthat during these painful times there is still a place and a need for the revolutionary message of Jesus, of Christianity itself. God is and has always been on the side of the poor and the oppressed, including all of us who are lost and are suffering a poverty of spirit. Lilys journey is a perfect illustration of what Frederick Buechner said of the deepest significance of the resurrection: the worst thing is never the last thing.

HAVEN KIMMEL

AUTHOR OF A GIRL NAMED ZIPPY

2017 Lily Burana

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Epub Edition September 2017 eISBN 9780718095932

ISBN 978-0-7180-9593-2 (eBook)

ISBN 978-0-7180-9598-7 (HC)

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Library of Congress Control Number: 2017908299

17 18 19 20 21 LSC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

For my better angels, and for my familyincluding you.

CONTENTS

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T he day I almost killed myself was the day my life began anew.

This was not as beautiful as it soundsalthough the day itself was beautiful, punishingly so, the sky an aching, acetylene flame blue. The mountains outside my car windows rose in a deep summer green from the riverside, and the grassy highway margins were salted with small, white wildflowers. New Yorks Hudson Valley was staging, as naturalist John Muir would say, the grand show.

I was in the blackest of moods, speeding along the river roadway to meet my friend Lori for lunch at a local Mexican place. By now I was about six months into an outpatient mental health treatment program at Poughkeepsies Saint Francis Hospital, feeling pretty ripped apart by, well, feeling. I spent every day bobbing in the dark current of depression, too tired to swim, and afraid of going under. Everything seemed impossible. Just walking to the end of the driveway to get the mail required effort. I was miserable and miserable to be around, dragging through the days like Job with a migraine.

Have you ever had a year so terrible the best you can say about it is that you survived? Id had several in a row by then, a grey-tone stretch of time when the bottom dropped out of my emotional life and I dangled over dark water by a thread. I was faking it but barely making it. Meals were prepared, deadlines were (mostly) met, items on the to-do list checked off one by one.