Dave Harvey - Letting Go: Rugged Love for Wayward Souls

Few realities are more painful than watching a cherished loved one make rebellious decisions that will lead to their destruction. As a pastor and counselor I have walked with countless parents, spouses, siblings, and friends agonizing with them over how to love someone who refuses to take help. Letting Go is a book I wish could go back and give to each one of those hurting people. It is a book I will give to every one of them in the future. This book by Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert is essential reading for all those with wayward loved ones and for all of us who are called to walk with them in the pain.

D R . H EATH L AMBERT , Executive Director, Association of Certified Biblical Counselors; author, A Theology of Biblical Counseling and Finally Free

One of the most difficult decisions any Christian spouse or parent has to make is when to say, Enough! Our love isnt helping you. Its time that you felt the weight of your choices. Guilt, shame, anger, responsibility, and blame get mixed together in a confusing and poisonous brew... parents disagree, friends offer unasked for opinions, and all the time youre struggling to answer the one question thats above all else: What is the most loving thing I can do for my beloved prodigal? In their extraordinarily helpful book, pastors and counselors Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert offer practical help for parents, spouses, and friends who have found themselves in the unenviable position of loving someone who has completely gone off the rails. They will walk with you as you consider your options and help you process your decisions. But most importantly, they will point you to Christ. Im really thankful for this book... and you will be too.

E LYSE F ITZPATRICK , coauthor, Give them Grace

If youve suffered the unreturned love of a prodigal child or spouse, this book is for you. I commend Dave and Paul for writing so insightfully and sympatheticallywith biblical convictionon this complex and controversial topic. Their counsel should be wisely heeded, so that we might learn to love our prodigals in a way that directs them toward the Fathers open arms.

C OLLIN H ANSEN , editorial director of the Gospel Coalition; author, Blind Spots: Becoming a Courageous, Compassionate, and Commissioned Church

All hell breaking loose at home is not an if but a when. You will be crying out for counsel and comfort, and Letting Go is crisis theology at its best. Harvey and Gilbert bring clarity to the confusion, Spirit-driven comfort to the chaos, and wisdom for loving your prodigal spouse, sibling, friend, or child.

D ANIEL M ONTGOMERY , Lead Pastor of Sojourn Community Church, Louisville

Do you know the excruciating pain of loving a prodigal? You are in good companyso does God. Billons of us. It is the story arc of the Bible. How should you love your prodigal? Read this book. Harveys and Gilberts wise biblical counsel is rich in compassion, sympathy, and perhaps best of all, empathy. They will point you to hope.

J ON B LOOM , cofounder and Chair of Desiring God; author, Not By Sight and Dont Follow Your Heart

Jesus calls us as born-again children of God to love our enemies. As difficult as that is, in some cases loving a prodigal is even harder. Someone who was close now is distant. Intimacy disintegrates into apathy or perhaps even hostility. The prodigal shows no interest in reconciliation. The burden becomes heavier and heavier, slowly grinding down your heart and your faith. Endurance weakens into exhaustion. Prayers go unanswered. Hope fades. Is this you? If so, maybe its time to let the prodigal go. In this book, seasoned pastors Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert will help you with the decisions involved in whether, when, and how to let go.

D ON W HITNEY , Professor of Biblical Spiritual and Associate Dean, The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Spiritual Disciplines for the Christian Life

Its always an honor to be asked to endorse a new book by authors I respect, but this time its a privilege. I need Letting GoI need the wisdom and gospel rhythms my brothers have poured into all 192 pages of their timely tome. Sometimes loving well involves showing wayward souls the door, entrusting them to the God who raises the dead. Dave and Paul, thanks for reminding me that none of us is called to be the fourth member of the Trinity.

S COTTY S MITH , Teacher in ResidenceWest End Community Church, Nashville

When we are faced with letting go of a wayward spouse or child, we need the wisest of companions to comfort, guide, and even challenge us. Dave and Paul are those companions. They give no trite formulas or one-size-fits-all. Instead, they remind us of Gods intimate familiarity with our troubles and how he says more than we might think. Expect them to lead you into humble confidence and resilient hope.

E D W ELCH , Ph.D., faculty and counselor, CCEF

This compassionate and wise book gives voice to the disorienting shame, bitterness, weariness, and fear when foraging for love amid the brutal relational conditions of a prodigal world. Like a kind and sturdy friend whos walked in our shoes, it gives us room to vent, grace to be understood, counsel to get through the next hour, the next day. Most of all, rugged love recovers us to the healing sanity and unshakeable provision of Jesus. A superb help for our work of pastoral care. A sage companion for our human wrestling with love.

Z ACK E SWINE , author, Spurgeons Sorrows: Realistic Hope for those Who Suffer from Depression; pastor, Riverside Church, Webster Groves, Missouri

Trying to love weak and rebellious people who dont want to change is a confusing, exhausting, and painful undertaking. Quite often wise love looks different than we could imagine and flies against our deepest fears and idolatries. This book brings two vital things together, wisdom and love. Both are crucial and both are elusive. This book will help parents, pastors, spouses, and friends to walk patiently and purposefully alongside other weak sinners in need of change and mercy. The fuel for this journey is no other than Gods relentless pursuit and endless patience with all of his prodigal children. The authors faithfully point us to the perfect rugged love and sweet patience of our Savior, Jesus Christ, as the model for all our efforts to forgive as we have been forgiven.

B ARBARA D UGUID , author, Extravagant Grace and Prone to Wander

With biblical wisdom and pastoral gentleness, Dave Harvey and Paul Gilbert have crafted an excellent help for those facing the unique challenge of giving grace to those who spurn it. I am grateful for this important book. Letting Go does wonderful justice to the complexity and the versatility of true Christian love.

J ARED C. W ILSON , Director of Content Strategy, Midwestern Baptist Theological Seminary; author, Gospel Wakefulness and Unparalleled

Other Resources From Dave Harvey

Books

When Sinners Say I Do: Discovering The Power OfThe Gospel For Marriage (Shepherd Press)

When Sinners Say I Do Study Guide (Shepherd Press)

Am I Called? The Summons To PastoralMinistry (Crossway Publishing)

Rescuing Ambition (Crossway Publishing)

Video Series

When Sinners Say I Do DVD Series (Shepherd Press)

Other

Am I Called (www.AmICalled.com) is a leadership resource from Dave Harvey and friends, dedicated to helping men understand ministry (church planting, eldership, pastoral, ministry leadership). On the website youll find a ministry assessment test, interviews with well-known leaders, articles for leaders and those aspiring to leadership, and a host of other resources.