Fredrick Kyomya - How to Be Confident: A simple guide on becoming a more confident person

Fredrick Kyomya 2019

Weve all had moments in our lives when we have not felt the most confident. Perhaps it was a lack of confidence in ourselves; or perhaps it was a lack of confidence in our abilities.

In these moments we feel extremely vulnerable, almost like were naked in front of the world. It is an awful feeling not being confident, but it is one that we all go through at some point.

I think it is awful because you spend a lot of time compensating in for this lack of confidence. You spend a lot of time trying to blend into the background, trying not be seen or noticed. This takes a lot of energy and going out into the world when you lack confidence is a draining affair.

For me personally it was draining because I was afraid to take up space. I wore baggy clothes and hoodies, with headphones in my ears, as if trying to be invisible. Going out took some form of mental preparation as I really would have rather stayed indoors, unseen by the world.

As I write this and think back to that time, I realised I missed out on a lot, and this is the saddest thing about lacking confidence. Let me put it another way, because I was not confident enough to put myself out there I missed out on opportunities to get to know new people, or go to new places, or even have new experiences.

Since you dont feel worthy enough to take up space, you want to be in your own space where youre comfortable. In this comfort zone no real growth happens, you stay stagnant. The rest of the world continues to move while youre in this space to afraid to go out and see what the world has to offer.

You might get invited to go out, but because you lack confidence you might not take up the invitation. So you scroll through your social media watching everybody else having a good time, while youre home alone.

You might see someone interesting on the train or the bus that you might want to be friends with, or have a romantic relationship with, but because of your lack confidence you dont take any chances. So you miss out on getting to know someone who is potentially a great person.

The next sad thing about lacking confidence is not realizing your own self worth. In not looking at yourself as worthy you might accept friendships, or relationships, where youre undervalued, underappreciated, and even routinely disrespected.

You might find yourself not asking for a raise at work because you dont feel you deserve one, even though the standard of work youre producing would warrant the conversation of a raise.

A lack of confidence makes you accept situations where youre undervalued because in your mind you dont feel like you are worth more.

Confidence is something you give yourself, nobody else is going to give it to you. The world is full of people ready to take advantage of people who have not yet realised their self worth. Its a difficult truth that we must face, the fact that there are those that prey on people who have no confidence. This is because a person who has no confidence is easy to manipulate and exploit.

So with this in mind it is important that you do not seek confidence from outside source, but rather seek it from inside yourself.

Now we need to get down to the confidence building activities. I should warn you that this will be deeply uncomfortable. You will want to run away and go back to your comfort zone, and that is ok to feel this way, however you have to stick it out.

Some of my activities might cause you to raise an eyebrow, and thats ok too, I only ask that you try it. With these confidence building activities we will start with one you can do at home, and then we will move to the car, and then later the outside world. The reason for this is because confidence is something that you build, it might take a while for you to blossom into the fabulous individual that I know you are, but you will get there, you just have to take it step by step.

Put on your best outfit, I mean the outfit that you wore that one time and felt like everyone had to see it. You know the one, the one you put on that one time and went to the store unnecessarily because not enough people saw you. Or that outfit you wore when you knew you were going to run into your crush.

If you like you can put on some makeup too. The point of this is to put you in a mindset where you feel your best. When you look your best you begin to feel your best.

To begin you can start by wearing this outfit around the house. Now you might feel a bit silly, if youre dressed in a suit or a ball gown, but you dont have to spend the whole day in it. Just lounge in it for an hour or so and then go back to sweatpants.

Now some of you might cringe at the thought of wearing bold colours, the thought of drawing attention to yourself can be very daunting, however this is just step one of learning to take up space. If you are someone who lacks confidence you might dress in a way that makes you blend into the background, this is a way to make you invisible.

This stems from feeling that you should not take up space, and the feelings of shame associated with that feeling. This unworthiness translates into certain clothing choices, nothing too flashy, nothing too noticeable, because you have psychologically trained yourself to stay in your place. Your place in this instance is the background.

Wearing bold colours will be deeply uncomfortable as at first as bold colours draw attention. People will look at you and notice you, and that is not a bad thing. It is time to put on that outfit you have been scared to put on because you have been told its not for you.

You can start by wearing bright colours to the supermarket on a Saturday, or running errands in your neighbourhood. From then on you can try wearing these colours during social occasions. Yes you read that correctly social occasions, you know the ones youve been avoiding, Ill be addressing these in the next chapter.

Im going to need to you to take up invitations to go out to social events. I imagine you squinting at this page, but Im being very serious. I understand that some of you might be introverts, I am one too, however we cannot stay indoors all day while there are many exciting things out in the world.

Im not saying go to the most crowded bar and start twerking on the table, if you want to do that though then twerk away, Im just saying try and get out their more. You can start with something simple like coffee with a friend, or after work drinks.

The point here is to try, some of these things you might not enjoy, this is understandable if youre trying something new for the first time. However you might have some really great experiences, honestly some of my best experiences have come from things Ive said yes to trying for the first time.

Saying yes to social events leads to invitations to more social events and more opportunities to have more experiences and meet new people.

Exploring new places is a whole new frontier for people who are lacking in confidence; it can be a whole lot scarier than going to a social occasion. However exploring these places can yield some really great experiences.

Now that you have been accepting invitations to various social occasions, it is now time to extend some invitations of your own. You can invite a friend, or friends, to any interesting event that has sparked your curiosity. New experiences yield new perspectives allowing you to see the world from a different view point, and thus you it can change the way you view yourself.