Paul W. Swets - Finding Happiness

FINDING HAPPINESS

Building Stable
Relationships In
Turbulent Times

Paul W. Swets

Finding Happiness: Building Stable Relationships In Turbulent Times

CrossLink Publishing

www.crosslinkpublishing.com

Copyright, 2015 Paul W. Swets

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for brief quotations in reviews, without the written permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America. All rights reserved under International Copyright Law.

ISBN 978-1-63357-055-9

Other books by Paul W. Swets:

The Art of Talking So That People Will Listen , Simon & Schuster, 1992

The Art of Talking With Your Teenager , Adams Media, 1995, CreateSpace, 2015.

Dreaming BIG , coauthored with Bobb Biehl, Authentic Press, 2007

Reader Reviews

Who wouldnt like to be happy and the best person you could possibly be? Every one of us has this deep-seated desire for happiness and fulfillment. Finding Happiness is fantastic! It should be another winner. Paul has a unique insight of how we can experience joy and purpose. And like a good head coach, he gives us the tools to accomplish this. Read Finding Happiness. Its transformational!
C. Kemmons Wilson, Jr., Founding Family of Holiday Inns

A refreshing read. Finding Happiness is so well writtenclear, articulate, engaging. It is packed full of wisdom about how to live this life well. It is a right-on gift of a book.
Mark Hiskes, Teacher

A brilliantly sequenced menu of solutions for every persons core need to be happy now and joyous forever! Paul clearly identifies the inherent resources every person already has to love, to submit to God, and to celebrate life as it is meant to be! Destined to be a classicthanks, Paul.
Kyle Rote, Jr., National Soccer Hall of Fame

Finding Happiness is filled with wisdom, wit, and great take-away ideas to strengthen each of our relationships. Both my wife and I kept saying, This is a great book!
Jim Carlson, author of Choosing to be Fully Alive

I think this book is exceptional! Finding Happiness has a lot to offer everyone in terms of acquiring the skills for successful communication and conflict resolution. These skills are so necessary to be effective in life. People of all ages will benefit from them.
Harrison C. Visscher, MD

Finding Happiness offers a powerfully written set of tools that sparks action. It encourages, challenges, and ultimately inspires us to make the necessary changes in our lives to allow true happiness to endure. Paul Swets teaches us that life is worth celebrating! So why not start today by connecting, relating, mentoring, and choosing to persevere with hope. I know Finding Happiness will impact the lives of many!
Jenna Grasmeyer, 2014 NCAA Division III Volleyball Championships Most Outstanding Player

Finding Happiness offers helpful insight for living a happy life. With a clear intelligence and gentle tone, Paul Swets mentors us about how to connect with those around us, how to develop a life of depth and purpose, and how to live today without fear of tomorrow. His skill and compassion shine through every page of this profound little book.
Alex Mouw, Lilly Graduate Fellow

As an artist I spend a lot of alone time, stuck in my head. When I venture out from my studio I crave conversation and interaction that matters. As Paul Swets thoroughly lays out in Finding Happiness, it really comes down to relationships that matter. If youre willing to truly engage with this book, I think youll find reason to venture out from whatever your personal studio may be because a fuller life is waiting for you.
Joel Schoon-Tanis, Artist

Finding Happiness is a gold mine of coaching strategies for enjoying an abundant life. As a recent college graduate, I find the principles spot on and immediately accessible by my generation. This book fills the gap in our culture by showing the way to enduring happiness.
Saeed Hussaini, Research Intern at the Center for Strategic and International Studies

I believe Finding Happiness will be a practical resource for family and marriage counselors, and for people who want to improve their interpersonal relationships. This is a self-help book that is easy to read, practical in its application, sound in its principles, and appropriate for all ages.
Harold Gazan, MSW, former consultant to Child Welfare and Juvenile Justice Agencies

Finding Happiness brings together not only the necessary practices to initiate and develop lasting friendship, but a reason to even develop these friendships in the first place. The effort laid out here for friendship and happiness is beautiful.
Jeff Miller, Engineer

Motivating! I like this fresh approach for opening ways to get through to people and create a happy experience.
Courtney Dykema, College Graduate

Drawing upon his doctoral research in interpersonal communication in his newest book, Dr. Paul Swets helps you maximize your communication skills and build satisfying relationships.
Bobb Biehl, Executive Mentor

DEDICATION

To Janiece, my wife and best friend, and mother of

our two children, Judson and Jessica,

and one who daily multiplies my happiness.

CONTENTS

You Can Experience Lasting Happiness!

Preface

W ho doesnt want to be happy? The US Declaration of Independence calls the pursuit of happiness an inalienable right. Time magazine describes the desire for happiness as built in .

If we are wired for it, why havent we made more progress toward a satisfaction that lasts?

Most of us want to laugh more often, to have friends who care about us, to live purpose-filled lives, to have a calm center even when others are panicky. Yet even minor irritations can easily derail happiness. Why is that?

You have reasons for unhappiness. So do I. We cant escape bad times. Betrayed trust, major disappointments, missed opportunities, personal sufferingthese rough seasons are part of life. They make happiness elusive for many. We know money cant buy lasting happiness. Celebrity news often shows that popularity doesnt bring happiness. Landing a job or earning a college degree may bring only short-lived satisfaction.

Social psychologist David Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness, summarizes our unsuccessful efforts:

We excel at making a living but fail at making a life.

We celebrate our prosperity but yearn for purpose.

We cherish our freedoms but long for connection.

In an age of plenty, we feel spiritually hungry.

What value is it if you are popular but have no one to call a true friend? What does it matter if you are prosperous but feel an emptiness in your soul? The fact is we want happiness, but we dont know how to find it.

Is help available? Can people truly expect to find deep contentment and delight? If so, how?

Happiness results from building stable relationships.

My research shows that while we were made to relate to others, we find it terribly difficult. Relationships are a fundamental human problem. Although it might be easier to function alone (we dont have to explain, convince, argue, or consider someone elses feelings), study in psychology and American culture overwhelmingly supports the notion that we are social beings. We need to find ways to get through to people if we want to be happy. And thats where well begin.

Robert Holden, author of Happiness Now , reported in a BBC documentary that the proportion of people saying they are very happy has fallen from 52 percent in 1957 to just 36 percent in 2006. Why?

Many researchers have offered helpful explanations and suggestions for attaining happiness. We will gladly draw upon their wisdom. But in this little book, we focus on tools you can use to relate better with friends and family by fine-tuning your communication skills. Well move from communicating better with each other to communicating better with God, which will invigorate our souls. The result? Real, lasting, irresistible happiness!