J. Patricia Gileno - Finding Happiness: A Path to Self Acceptance

Finding Happiness

Finding Happiness

A Path to Self Acceptance

J. PATRICIA GILENO

Published 2020 by Gildan Media LLC

aka G&D Media

www.GandDmedia.com

FINDING HAPPINESS. Copyright 2020 J. Patricia Gileno. All Rights reserved.

Published by G&D Media by arrangement with Sanjay Burman at Burman Books Media Corp.

No part of this book may be used, reproduced or transmitted in any manner whatsoever, by any means (electronic, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews. No liability is assumed with respect to the use of the information contained within. Although every precaution has been taken, the author and publisher assume no liability for errors or omissions. Neither is any liability assumed for damages resulting from the use of the information contained herein.

Interior design by Meghan Day Healey of Story Horse, LLC

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request

eISBN: 978-1-7225-2618-4

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Dedication

For my family. Gavin, my husband who supports me in everything I do, no matter how big or crazy my ideas are and giving me the courage to do something as crazy as sharing my life story! You never hold me back, instead you give me the kick I need to push myself to do more. You make me brave! To my son, who has the most genuine and kindest soul I have ever seen, known as the walking heart. I learn so much from you every day! And to my daughter, whose independence, confidence, and creativity is an inspiration. I cant wait to see you kick ass in life.

To Jaime, my sounding board during this process and a fellow survivor!

To my publisher Sanjay, for taking a chance on me. And to my editor, Barbara, who I feel like we were meant to meet and work on this together.

Thank you all for supporting me through my roller coaster of emotions, ideas, and craziness! I hope I make you all proud!

To my readers; Thank you for picking up this book. Lets lift each other up as we are all survivors!

Disclaimer: This book is my interpretation of things that have happened in my life.

Contents

Introduction

If my own mom doesnt love me, then I must be unlovable and not worth love. This is a thought that I have struggled with for my whole life. My Mom never liked me and always thought of me as bad. Every time something good would happen in my life, my Mom would be mad and remind me of how she felt about me which was never positive. My happiness caused her unhappiness and she would try to sabotage anything good that happened to me. Leading to the question of, why? I suspect my Mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but I only came to this realization in my late thirties. And I lived my whole life thinking I was a terrible person because my Mom said so.

We are taught that a moms love is unconditional. They are there to love you, guide you, be your cheering squad and safety net in life. So, what happens when this is not the case? What happens if your mom criticizes you all the time, puts you down and talks negatively about you to others? And your Dad and extended family do not step in to protect you? Well, I can tell you. You start believing it! That is what happened to me, as I felt like no matter what I did, it was never good enough. Regardless of any compliments I received from other people, I could not believe them because my Mother thought the opposite or would call them liars.

Wow you seem so normal for what youve been through! Is usually the reply I would get if I shared personal stories about my upbringing. I used to treat this as the highest compliment that I could receive as I worked hard to put on a happy face, be perfect and put on a good show regardless of how I was feeling inside. Now I realize, pretending to be normal is not healthy, not real and what is normal anyway? Are any of us truly normal? No, we are human. We are complex, imperfect and that makes us unique. In a world of social media showing us everyones perfect lives, it makes it harder to be real. But embracing who you truly are (the good and the bad) is freeing and the best thing you can do for yourself.

As I child, I didnt realize how bad things were or how I was living wasnt normal or healthy. Its all I knew. Growing older I realized I experienced abuse and bullying from a narcissist. The more I read and researched, the more I realized that there are a lot of us victims out there and whatever we go through, we all have a choice. We do not have to live like a victim or use our experiences as a reason not to try to have a better life. There will be external factors that will affect us, but at the end of the day how we react is up to us and we can work to be in control of our own life!

I find a Mother-Daughter relationship to be very complicated. If you have a toxic person in your life, youre encouraged to remove them to protect your mental health and usually told supportive things like, youre worth more. When it comes to being raised by a toxic Mom or family, you are persuaded to make it work. Why? Because shes your mom. No matter how bad things got with my Mom, I was pressured to find a way to make it work and it was my responsibility to fix our relationship (not hers). I finally said good-bye to my Mom six years ago. It was a decision most people didnt understand because (a) I always tried to act normal and happy, so people didnt realize how bad things were and (b) shes my Mom. Society doesnt equip kids with the tools needed or provide support to kids growing up in environments that are not healthy. Whatever our experiences, shes the Mom therefore she is right.

I promise to be open and embarrassingly honest in sharing my stories and research to give advice on how to overcome challenging upbringings. I will cover a lot about Narcissistic Personality Disorders, but will also review bullying, abuse and how to cope.