T.J. Hoegh - Chaotic Happiness: The Psychology of Finding Yourself in a World Thats Lost

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Life is chaotic, and far too often the hardships of the world outweigh the things that bring us joy. The ability to make our way through the chaos and find happiness is essential for our well-being, but so few of us do it well. Id like to help you with this, if youll let me. As a therapist, helping people beat the odds and overcome the chaos is what Im best at.

Our challenges are never the same, but they share a common theme. The difficulties we encounter come from living in a directionless, unpredictable, and uncertain world. Its this reality that we sometimes run from, largely because we cant change it. Accidents will continue to happen, people will get sick, and so on. In some shape or form, there will always be tragedy that exists in the world, but when we can rise above the chaos, we can reclaim our happiness.

As we move forward, Id like to help you identify some of the unique challenges in your world and give you a guide that might help you face them. These are things I talk about with my clients, and theyre things that I personally live by, too.

The following pages outline the collective chaos we all face and some rules to live by as you continue the fight in finding your own happiness. And make no mistake... you will have to fight for it. The fight for happiness is one that too many of us have failed to win, but what Ive seen and what Ive experienced shows me that its possible if we keep fighting the battle. Thats exactly what Im asking you to do with me.

TJ Hoegh
@tik_tok_counseling

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The world is a chaotic placetheres no way of getting around that. As much as we try to create order in our lives, the reality is that most of our existence is dependent upon the disorder of a world indifferent to our efforts. This is just the inevitable truth of being alive. When youre interviewing for a new job, you could do everything you can to plan out your talking points but fail to notice a mustard stain on your shirt that ultimately leaves the lasting impression. When youre starting a new relationship, you might find that you remind the other person of someone they used to know, someone maybe they didnt like. These are just a couple of examples of the disorder we cant avoid or prevent.

If theres so much that cant be controlled, what are we supposed to do? Float through this existence defeated and distraught? Obviously, the answer is no. Even if we dont always know how to deal with the chaos in the world, we have to find a way to move through it. Charles Bukowski once said, What matters most is how well you walk through the fire. How well do you walk through the fire? Typically, as we get older and wiser, we all inevitably learn how to survive the fires of life. But sometimes surviving the fire takes all the energy we have; sometimes surviving isnt enough.

Just surviving doesnt bring happiness, and often just surviving seems like the only option for many people. This is clearly demonstrated in the way we talk to each other on a daily basis. When we say Im not too bad or Im hanging in there, its pretty obvious that avoiding disaster is our only expectation sometimes. And its true that surviving is something we need to aim for, and just getting through the day is an accomplishment. But what if we could find our happiness inside of the chaos? If we could learn how to do this, wed use these challenges were facing as opportunities for finding deeper levels of happiness.

The more profound the challenges we face, the more profound it is when we find a way to rise above them. Its a special kind of happiness when you achieve so much in this world that gives you so little. These victories taste a little bit sweeter because you get to look yourself in the mirror and say, I did this. It was the strength in me that got me past what I was facing. I like to call this experience chaotic happiness because its born in the fire of the persistent fight were constantly waging against a world where the odds of finding joy are not always stacked in our favor.

You might be thinking, This is all just talk and wonder how can you actually seize this chaotic happiness for yourself. This is where the three rules of chaotic happiness come into play. I developed these rules after working with clients who were also trying to find it for themselves. As a psychotherapist, Ive spent the majority of my time doing crisis intervention in prisons, in psychiatric hospitals, and in communities with people in extreme circumstances. Ive found that helping people find happiness in the chaos of life is the thing in this world Im best at, and these rules Ive created will guide you in your own journey as you fight the fires of life by finding the fire within.

I believe in the process Ive created because Ive seen it work in my clients lives. Life is so unfair to all of us in so many ways, without exception. Ive never met a person who hasnt been deeply hurt by the worlds insufferable ability to stare us down and break us badly. I used to think that being crushed was the only outcome that could come from the world. After all, if these challenges are unchangeable, the results of them must be, too. But Ive learned that its the best in ourselvescompassion, understanding, and strengththat can arise from within us in the toughest of times. We cant change the challenges that come from the chaos, but we can change ourselves.

Happiness in a Chaotic World | CONTENTS

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EXISTENTIAL ANXIETY

I love a good underdog story, dont you? And make no mistake, we are the underdogs here. I believe its you and me and everyone else against the chaos, and happiness is a hard-won prize. The path to realizing chaotic happiness is a treacherous one... one that youre never really done with. So, if youre going to come along with me, be prepared for some stumbling and strife. But I promise you this: If you commit to learning these rules with me, youll find things in yourself that will help you for the rest of your life. As the old saying goes, Give someone a fish, youll feed them for a day. Teach them how to fish, youll feed them for life. I want to teach you to fish, not give you one-size-fits-all answers that will leave you hungry later. I want to help you find a new way of being for yourself that will help protect your happiness no matter what the world throws at you.