Iyanla Vanzant - Value in the Valley: A Black Womans Guide through Lifes Dilemmas

Other books by Iyanla Vanzant

Every Day I Pray

Living Through the Meantime

Until Today!

Yesterday, I Cried

Dont Give It Away!

In the Meantime

One Day My Soul Just Opened Up

Faith in the Valley

Acts of Faith

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Copyright 1995 by Iyanla Vanzant

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information, address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

This Atria Paperback edition March 2020

Previously published in 1996 by Fireside, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

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The Library of Congress has cataloged the Fireside edition as follows:

Vanzant, Iyanla.

Value in the valley : a black womans guide through lifes dilemmas /Iyanla Vanzant.

p. cm.

Includes bibliographical references.

Afro-American women-Life skills guides. 2. Afro-American women-Psychology. 3. Self-esteem in women-United States.

Title.

E185.86.Z39 1995 646.70082-dc20

95-6428 CIP

ISBN 978-0-6848-2475-8

ISBN 978-0-7432-2647-9 (ebook)

This book is dedicated to all African-American women who are imprisoned; those behind bars as well as those imprisoned by fear, hate, anger, shame, guilt, oppressive domination and outdated stereotypical roles and expectations.

To All the Valley Dwellers, let the motto be: When youre down and out, lift up your head and shout, IM OUTA HERE!

My deepest thanks go to:

GEMMIA VANZANT, my daughter, whose incredible ability to stay grounded, centered, and supportive is the food which helps to nourish my spirit; and whose uncensored, constructive criticism keeps me in touch with reality;

NISA VANZANT, my final offspring, who keeps reminding me that Im not special, wonderful, or marvelous, Im just Ma;

Yu, my other half, who never misses an opportunity to give me the opportunity to see what I really look like;

DAWN MARIE DANIELS, my editor, whose genuine love, support, and tolerance never ceases to amaze me;

DENISE STINSON, my agent, who pulled me out of a valley I had absolutely no business being in;

CARL COOPER, ESQ., my former law professor and present legal counsel, whose loving support and guidance keeps my foot out of my mouth and my butt out of the valley;

ERICA JACKSON, my assistant, a mountain climber par excellence;

MAMA MUSINAH BERRY DAWAD, who is always so willing to take care of the details, leaving me free to figure out some more details;

MICHELLE VENTOR, my sister-friend, who put the clothes on this naked idea;

MARGE BATTLE, for her strength, persistence and tenacity, which allows her to eat the mountain one bite at a time and teach me how to do it without getting indigestion;

MARIA CAROTHERS, TRISH WEIR, the AAWC staff and all of the sisters who attended the 1990 San Diego Conference and made this concept something worth writing about;

RALPH STEVENSON, my brother-friend, whose love has pulled me out of many ditches, valleys, and dungeons;

LINDA SMITH, TONY WALKER, ATTICUS WALKER, LUANNE BENNETT, SARAH DARLING, LIONEL the Indian and the rest of the staff at WINDY ,HILLS VILLA, JAMAICA, W.I. for providing me with a safe haven; and for waiting on me hand and foot while I was in the final stages of labor with this book;

BROTHER CHARLES chuma white, for taking such good care of me during my labor in Denver, Colorado, when I was about to deliver this book;

All of my SISTAHS out there who have ever held my hand, looked me in the eye, and said, Thank you;

And of course, THE ,DIVINE CREATOR, FATHER MOTHER GOD who always knows exactly what I need, exactly when I need it.

For several years, I worked as a spiritual life counselor, assisting people from all walks of life regarding their challenges, issues, and problems, which very often had spiritual implications. Like any other doctor, minister, or counselor, I have always maintained the strictest level of confidentiality regarding the information others have shared with me. The stories used in this work are examples drawn from my experiences. However, the names, professions, and all other identifying information has been changed to protect the privacy of those who have shared their most intimate selves with me. Any similarity between the examples cited in this book and living individuals is purely coincidental.

Many of the examples are outgrowths of my own personal experiences, things I have either witnessed or participated in to some degree. As a priestess and student of many spiritual disciplines, I have heard many stories and been involved in many situations which demonstrate the working of spiritual laws throughout life. Again, the stories presented here are examples of the working of spiritual laws and not the divulgence of private and confidential information.

I have heard many quotes, read many books, and heard thousands of testimonies which attest to the existence of a spiritual universe. As with any other body of knowledge, spiritual research, theory, and personal experience is shared among teachers, students, practitioners, and onlookers. Eventually, this information takes the shape and form of a body of contemporary wisdom. This information or knowledge is then shared openly, freely, lovingly, among all. Many of the theories quoted in this work are not original ideas; however, my experience of them is original. I share them with you as knowledge, information I have received during my eighteen years of study in the fields of spirituality and empowerment. Those sources I know and remember, I have cited. Those I can no longer identify, I have shared with you based on my experience with them. If I have quoted anyone without proper citation, I apologize. If I have misquoted or altered the quotation of anyone, the alteration is a reflection of my experience, not an attempt to reinterpret your work.

Throughout this project, I have used the term Black women to describe those whom I know to be descendants of Africans living in North America, the Caribbean, and Latin America; otherwise known as African-American women. I have used this term purely for the ease of writing and not to in any way disavow the history of Africans in this country. In my personal life, I use and prefer to be known as an African-American woman simply because of the inferences of the word black. At its root is the word lack, meaning not whole or complete.

As a Yoruba priestess and metaphysician, I know words are things which create conditions. I also recognize one of the major issues facing African-American women today is the feeling that we lack something. The