Iyanla Vanzant - One Day My Soul Just Opened Up: 40 Days and 40 Nights Toward Spiritual Strength and Personal Growth

An Imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

1230 Avenue of the Americas

New York, NY 10020

www.SimonandSchuster.com

Copyright 1998 by Inner Visions, Inc.

All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form whatsoever. For information address Atria Books Subsidiary Rights Department, 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10020.

This Atria Books hardcover edition March 2020

Previously published in 1998 by Fireside, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

and colophon are trademarks of Simon & Schuster, Inc.

For information about special discounts for bulk purchases, please contact Simon & Schuster Special Sales at 1-866-506-1949 or .

The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event, contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com.

The Library of Congress has cataloged the Fireside edition as follows:

Vanzant, Iyanla.

One day my soul just opened up: 40 days and 40 nights toward spiritual strength and personal growth/Iyanla Vanzant.p. cm. 1. Spiritual lifeMeditations. I. Title.

BL624.2.V37 1998

291.4'4dc21 97-31113 CIP

ISBN 978-0-6848-4134-2

ISBN 978-0-6848-7383-1 (ebook)

This book is dedicated to Ego, that part of us that continues to worry, lives in doubt, is afraid, judges other people, is afraid to trust, needs proof, believes only when it is convenient, fails to follow up, refuses to practice what it preaches, needs to be rescued, wants to be a victim, beats up on self, needs to be right all of the time, and continues to hold on to what does not work.

You are now put on notice that

YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!

In laboring with and birthing this project, I would like to acknowledge the following loving spirits:

Thank you, God! I am so grateful.

My children: Gemmia Vanzant, who gave me the title. Damon Vanzant, who is free at last! Nisa Vanzant, who is in the process of opening her soul and answering the call.

My grandchildren: Aso le, Oluwalomoju Adeyemi, Adesola, and Niamoja Adilah Afi, for keeping my soul open with their love.

The powerful team of women who are a constant source of strength and support: Linda Stephens, Joia Jefferson, Theresa Caldwell, Fern Robinson, Muhsinah Berry-Dawan, Cassandra Barber, Almasi Zulu, Tulani Kinard, Felicia Baldwin, Adara Walton, Helen Jones, Janet Barber, Judith Hakimah, Ebun Adelona, Coleen Goldberg, Yawfah Shakor, Lucille Gambrell, Rene Kizer, and Rev. Vivianna Hentley-Brown.

The loving men in my life who make my life as a woman a truly enjoyable and spiritual experience: Alex Morgan, Rev. Michael Beckwith, Rev. Cochise Brown, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Rev. Frank M. Reid, III, Dr. Naim Akbar, Dr. David Phillips, Ken Kizer, Ralph Stevenson, Basil Farrington, Ralph Blum, and Bobby Stephens.

My sister-friends who encourage me to keep at it: Susan L. Taylor, Jewel Diamond-Taylor, Tina Ansa McElroy, Bebe Moore Campbell, Maria Dowd Carothers, Jeanne Blum, and Blanche Richardson.

My spiritual mother and constant guardian, Dr. Barbara King.

My agent and ER buddy, Denise Stinson.

My editor, Dawn Daniels, who honors my process and never doubts that I will eventually do it and turn it in.

The publishing management team at Simon & Schuster who are stepping out on faith with me.

And my life partner and best friend, Adeyemi Bandele.

Thank you all for making another journey worthwhile.

One day my soul just opened up
and things started happenin
things I cant quite explain
I mean
I cried and cried like never before
I cried tears of ten thousand mothers
I couldnt even feel anything because
I cried til I was numb.

One day my soul just opened up
I felt this overwhelming pride
what I was proud of
only God knows!
Like the pride of a hundred thousand fathers
basking in the glory of their newborn sons
I was grinnin from ear to ear!

One day my soul just opened up
I started laughing
and I laughed for what seemed like forever
wasnt nothin particularly funny goin on
but I laughed anyhow
I laughed the joy of a million children playin
in the mud
I laughed til my sides ached
Oh God! It felt so good!

One day, my soul just opened up
There were revelations, annihilations, and resolutions
feelings of doubt and betrayal, vengeance and forgiveness
memories of things Id seen and done before
of places Id been, although I didnt know when
there were lives Id lived
people Id loved
battles Id fought
victories Id won
and wars Id lost.

One day, my soul just opened up
and out poured all the things
Id been hiding
and denying
and living through
that had just happened moments before.

One day, my soul just opened up
and I decided
I was good and ready!
I was good and ready
to surrender
my life
to God.

So, with my soul wide open,
I sat down
wrote Her a note
and told her so.

Gemmia L. Vanzant

Removing the Veil

At one point in my life, I really thought I had it all figured out. I was working in my dream career field. I had a decent home. I was in a solid relationship. My children were being normal teenagers. Then, one morning I woke up miserable. Nothing in particular had happened. Well, actually it had. Sometime during the night, when I was asleep, I decided to tell myself the truth. I hated my job. I was lonely living in a new city where I knew no one. I was dating a married man. And I felt like I had been a horrible mother, totally incapable of ever making up to my children for the years of insanity I had inflicted upon them. People looking from the outside in thought that I had really made it! Who was I to doubt them? I convinced myself through my daily motions that they were right.

The feelings of misery, confusion, and despair began to grow like an annoying fungus in my mind. My thinking was fuzzy. I was snapping at people. I had become professionally aggressive and competitive to the point of being combative. Each day, I would push myself to exhaustion so that no more truth could be, would be, revealed to me when I was sleeping. I clung to the relationship believing that if it ended, I would surely lose my mind. It did. And I did. I lost the mind that had kept me in denial for the better part of my life. I lost the mind that was so full of distortions, half-truths, and the ideas of others that it fed my misery like a ravenous dog. I lost the mind that was angry at my mother, hated my father, resented my brother, wanted to control everything and everybody in its midst that could in any way hurt me. At the time, I didnt realize what was going on. I thought I was having a string of bad luck. As I watched my life fall to pieces, I did what any mindless person would do. I got totally pissed off! It is called