Stephanie Dowrick - The Universal Heart: A Practical Guide to Love

Stephanie Dowrick, PhD, is best known as the author of a number of life-changing books. They include Intimacy and Solitude, Forgivenessand Other Acts of Love, Choosing Happiness, In the Company of Rilke, Seekingthe Sacred, described by Claire Scobie in the Sydney Morning Herald as a chalice of wisdom, and Everyday Kindness. Of the dozen books she has written, five have been no. 1 bestsellers. She has also written bestselling fiction and, before she took up writing as her main profession, Stephanie was a successful publisher, then Managing Director of the prestigious London independent publishing house, The Womens Press. She was the Inner Life columnist for Good Weekend from 20012010. She is a trained psychotherapist and had a small private practice for many years. While continuing to write, she now gives talks, workshops, services and retreats to a wide range of groups. She is the wellbeing presenter for Breast Cancer Network Australia and an Adjunct Fellow at the Writing & Society Research Group, University of Western Sydney. Her rare gift is to make the universal questions newly relevant to 21st-century life. Stephanie is the mother of two adult children and has lived in Sydney since 1983.

Visit www.stephaniedowrick.com
Or meet her on Official Stephanie Dowrick Facebook page

Reviews of Stephanie Dowricks
The Universal Heart

Like the great sages, Dowrick is aware that true wisdom comes from experiencing all that life can bring, and reflecting deeply upon it
Anne French, The Listener

Deeply attentive and acutely perceptive... infinitely compassionate and accepting
Josephine Brouard, Womens Health

Celebrates altruism and the precious everyday moments of human connection
Diane Priestley, Courier-Mail

Filled with ancient wisdom and modern commonsense
Hephzibah Anderson, www.femail.co.uk

A new and insightful study into relationships and what we mean by love... a book which is both welcoming and intimate
Chrisopher Bantick, Sunday Canberra Times

An illuminating exploration of our need to love and be loved
The Age

Its so uplifting, I re-read this book to restore my good humour. And it was invaluable when I was managing a large group of people
Patsy Sim, trainer and manager

She aims to connect with people at the level at which theyre most open, and where they can be most profoundly moved
Ruth Jones, Insights

You really dont need any other self-help book on relationships... The Universal Heart pretty much covers everything you need to know
Adyar News

Every line in her books is well written... if the various wisdoms she writes about were applied not just to personal relationships but to society in general, then the world would be a better place for everyone
Cathrin Schaer, New Zealand Herald

Love is approached generously and in its many forms, embracing with open arms the myriad expressions of human connection... Im a fan of Dowricks, using her work like vitamin pills for the spirit
Rochelle Siemienowicz, The Big Issue

The Universal Heart could only have been written by someone whos reached mid-life and settled upon a maturity of thinking born of living through a multitude of lifes roller coaster experiences Janet Hawley, Good Weekend

With a certain bravery, I think, in this secular age, Dowrick reaches back to the truths contained in the great faiths... She makes the links between things like moral courage, the living of an engaged life and the need to nourish the soul
Maxine McKew, The Bulletin

Also by Stephanie Dowrick

FICTION
Running Backwards over Sand
Tasting Salt

NON-FICTION
Intimacy and Solitude
The Intimacy and Solitude Self-therapy Book
Forgiveness and Other Acts of Love
Free Thinking
Choosing Happiness
Creative Journal Writing
The Almost-Perfect Marriage
In the Company of Rilke
Seeking the Sacred
Everyday Kindness

The Universal Heart
A PRACTICAL GUIDE TO LOVE

STEPHANIE
DOWRICK

The identifying details of people named in this book have been changed unless permission has been granted to use their name in full.

This edition published by Allen & Unwin in 2012
First published by Penguin Books Australia Ltd in 2000

Copyright Wise Angels Pty Ltd 2000; 2012

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publisher. The Australian Copyright Act 1968 (the Act) allows a maximum of one chapter or 10 per cent of this book, whichever is the greater, to be photocopied by any educational institution for its educational purposes provided that the educational institution (or body that administers it) has given a remuneration notice to Copyright Agency Limited (CAL) under the Act.

Allen & Unwin
Sydney, Melbourne, Auckland, London

83 Alexander Street
Crows Nest NSW 2065
Australia

Cataloguing-in-Publication details are available from the National Library of Australia
www.trove.nla.gov.au

ISBN 978 1 74237 803 9

Typeset in Centaur
Printed in Australia by McPhersons Printing Group

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

This book seeks to honour the work of poet, peace activist and teacher the Venerable Thich Nhat Hanh.

My longest-standing relationship is with my sister,
Geraldine Killalea. I would like to dedicate this book about relationships to her with love, and with the greatest respect for all that we have shared.

Contents

This above all:

love one another.

GOSPEL OF JOHN 15 : 1 2

I s there anything more natural than love? Is there anything more sustaining, transformative, healing and enchanting? Is there anything that more powerfully crosses differences of culture, gender or belief? Or that joins us more deeply to life?

I doubt it.

Yet seeking love and sustaining it continues to be daunting for many people. In 21st-century life, our means of initiating intimacy have grown exponentially while our capacities to live lovingly can seem tragically diminished.

This dilemma goes straight to the heart of how we see ourselves as well as other people. After all, we want to be seen as lovable. We also want to experience ourselves as loving, and easily capable of authentic intimacy and lasting closeness. When love in any of its forms goes wrong, its more than disappointing. Our very sense of inner identity and security can feel threatened.